|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|"Worst Laid Plans"|
|Airdate||September 2, 2013|
Worst Laid Plans is the eleventh episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 11 and 236th episode overall. It aired on September 2, 2013.
The Blue Team meets to discuss their plans for the day. Caboose orders Tucker to upgrade the communications tower, Washington to go out on lookout duty, and Simmons to do whatever he normally does for the Red Team. Meanwhile, at Red base, Doc finishes tending to Donut's wounds. He then complains to Grif that the next time help comes he shouldn't attack it, to which Grif retorts that the next time help comes, it should actually bring some form of help. Donut then asks what happened to the group after he was dropped off at Valhalla. Grif flashes back to the ship, where he accidentally spills soda onto the ship's instruments. In the present, Grif claims that the ship crash-landed for an unknown reason.
Sarge arrives and calls the Red team to order. He proposes that the group has been allowing Washington and the Blue team to take charge for far too long, and that in order to facilitate rescue, the top priority should be to assassinate Freckles and rescue Simmons from its clutches. Grif asks how they are supposed to destroy a giant war machine, and Sarge responds by figuring that if the ship carried Freckles, it must have carried heavy weapons powerful enough to destroy it as well. Sarge and Grif decide to set out for the ship and leave Donut to guard the Red base. Washington, still on lookout duty for the Blue team, arrives and asks if the Red team has seen anything unusual. The Red team denies this, and Washington leaves.
Meanwhile, the pilot of the ship that brought Donut and Doc to the jungle is seen refueling his ship at a fuel depot. He speaks with the unknown soldier, who of which impersonates a booth attendant, and informs him about the crash-landed ship at the jungle. The unknown soldier suggests the pilot to report it and directs him to the phone booth. As the pilot turns to leave for the phone, the soldier steps out of hiding and murders him. The soldier then contacts his control center, reveals his callsign to be Locus, and states that his objective is complete and that he is returning to Crash Site Bravo.
Fade in to Wash and Tucker inside Blue Base
Tucker: This is it. This is rock bottom. You ever hit rock bottom before Wash? Well, you have now. 'Cause this is it. Can't get any lower.
Simmons: (sniff) I wanna go home.
Tucker: Okay well maybe I spoke too soon.
Freckles: Attention. Officer on deck.
Caboose: Yes. Yes. Hello, thank you yes, hello. Thank you, you're welcome, yes thank you. Hhcheh, hceh, hh. Hello!
Freckles: Captain, all team members are accounted for.
Caboose: Well, excellent news, Assistant Captain Freckles.
Tucker: Oh my lord.
Caboose: Hi. It looks like we have a new member today. Yes, give Simmons a big Blue Team hello. Yes, welcome to Blue Team, Simmons.
Simmons: Can I leave?
Caboose: It is good to have you on board today for the Blue Team.
Freckles: Sir. Awaiting mission briefing.
Caboose: Oh, yes, right, oh God, right yes. Um okay uh... Yes. First order of business is t-um... uh... Wash. Psst, Wa- Wash. Washington, Washing- Washington, Wash. Wash, Wash, Wash-
Washington: (tiredly) Yes, Caboose?
Caboose: What is the first order of business?
Washington: We're trying to get rescued.
Caboose: Oh, yes, rescued! Yes excellent. Does anyone have any, suggestions?
Tucker and Wash look at each other
Washington: (sigh) Well, we know the communications tower works, so we should continue in our efforts to make contact.
Caboose: Ah, yes. Very good, excellent yes.
Washington: However, we should also work on trying to boost the signal of the radio transmitter. We were barely able to maintain a steady line of communication last time. Even if we make contact again there's no guarantee anyone would be able to understand us.
Caboose: Ah! Yes, uh- right, yes. Yes, then we need to do that! Tucker! Go fix the radio thing!
Tucker: Me? Why not Wash? He's the one who built it.
Caboose: Tucker, becau- don't rook it, alright listen. We're gonna keep Wash here for another job.
Washington: But, I- Caboose.
Freckles turns to Wash
Washington: (noise' of frustration)
Caboose: Yeah, I'm thinking that you know, uh, Washington is mean and scary. Yes, yes, he will be our lookout!
Caboose: Yes. Washington, make sure you look out, for bad guys! And, anything, that looks scary.
Washington: *Deadpan* There's a giant robot trying to kill me.
Tucker: Yeah, why can't Freckles be our lookout? Killing stuff is like, his entire reason for existing.
Caboose: Well um, every great leader needs a great best friend, and Freckles, I think you could be that best friend.
Simmons: Uhm, do I need to do anything?
Caboose: Oh my God a Red, oh my- oh no sorry, sorry it's my bad. Sorry, sorry. Yes Simmons, yes Simmons we got- we have to talk about it. Yes, um, Simmons... you do what you, ah, normally do for the Reds. But instead... for the Blues.
Simmons: Uh, yes Sir?
Tucker: Wait, what is your job for the Reds?
Simmons: What do you mean, I just did it.
Caboose: Okay everybody! Aaaaand Team! Alright see you, bye.
Washington: I hope you're happy.
Tucker: Hey, don't pin this shit on me.
Simmons: I'll just, stay here I guess.
Cut to Doc healing Donut in front of Grif
Doc: Alright, you're all patched up.
Donut: I can't feel my toes. Is that normal?
Doc: Uhm, let's go with yes?
Donut: Works for me.
Doc: You know the next time someone comes to help you, I wouldn't really recommend beating the crap out of them.
Grif: Well the next time somebody comes to help us, I hope they actually bring us help.
Doc: Hey, I take offense to that.
Grif: Yeah, it's called an insult.
Donut: So what the heck happened? After you guys dropped me off at Valhalla, you guys were supposed to be going back to Blood Gulch.
Grif: Well, funny story...
Cut to the interior of the ship, with someone standing in front of a sparking wall panel
Crewman: Oh my God, who spilled soda all over my instruments?
Grif: Oh my God, I spilled my soda?
Alarms and red lights, and we're back to the present
Grif: Somehow, the ship crashed, but uh, no-one seems to know why or, how or, when or-
Grif: I didn't do it, you can't prove that I did!
Sarge: It's time we took action.
Doc: Oh, we're not gonna do anything violent, are we? Remember I'm a pacifist.
Sarge: Yeah, but think about it: Can't spell pacifist without fist. Which you need to throw a punch. That always leads to fighting, the precursor to a full-out battle. Which is ultimately the first step on the inevitable road to war! Violence is unavoidable Doc. Time to just admit you've got a natural-born pacifist lust for murder!
Doc: Huhh, why do I even bother?
Donut: Oh come on Doc, where's your sense of adventure? We're a bunch of strapping young men stranded in the wilderness. If that doesn't sound like a good time, I don't know what does.
Grif: I'm starting to remember why I don't like you.
Donut: It's just like camping. Who wants to help me pitch a tent?
Grif: Yep, there it is.
Sarge: Since landing in this God-forsaken hellhole, we've let Washington make all the decisions. And just look where that's gotten us: the Warthog is destroyed; we're running low on food; and Simmons is being held prisoner.
Grif: Shit's pretty fucked.
Sarge: It's high time we took matters into our own hands! Red hands. The days of standing idly by, while the Blues do interesting and convoluted things are over!
Donut: All right! It's our time to shine. Can I get a heck yeah?
Sarge: Hell no.
Donut: Close enough.
Sarge: What I'm about to propose to you gentlemen, is in no way simple, smart, or seemingly possible.
Grif: Solid pep talk so far Sarge.
Sarge: There's one thing in this canyon that's been the source of all our problems. If we want to get out of here alive, we're going to have to eliminate it. Boys, we've got to kill Freckles.
Doc: Uh, we don't know who that is. We just got here.
Sarge: The robot.
Donut: You mean Lopez?
Lopez 2.0: ¡Creo que están hablando de nosotros! [I think they're talking about us!]
Lopez: A menos que estén hablando de construirme un cuerpo nuevo no me importa.[Unless they are talking about building me a new body I don't give a shit.]
Grif: No, the giant robot that belongs to Caboose? AKA the thing that will fucking kill us if we get anywhere near it. So exactly how do you plan on "eliminating" it Sarge?
Sarge: Well if our ship was carrying something as big as Freckles, I figure it may have also been carrying something big enough to break him.
Grif: We're going aboard the ship?
Sarge: We'll move in tonight. Donut, you guard the base while we're gone.
Washington: Hey. You guys haven't seen anything, suspicious, around, have you?
Sarge: Suspicious? Why whatever do you mean, Agent Washington?
Washington: (sigh) Nothing, just...doing my job.
Grif: Nice save Sarge. Very convincing.
Sarge: Heh heh. Acting.
Cut to a ship docking in an unknown location. The pilot of the ship exits it and runs across the landscape, unknowingly passing a dead soldier in salmon armor located on the ground behind a rock. He runs up a short ramp to a window
Dropship Pilot: Hey can I get some fuel on three?
Unknown Voice: You got it.
Dropship Pilot: Thanks. Hey uh, I'm not really from around here, but uh, do you know about that crashed spaceship?
Dropship Pilot: Yeah. I just dropped off a couple of guys who saw it in the middle of a canyon. It's big. Like, really big.
Voice: No. I can't say I've heard of it.
Dropship Pilot: Really. Oh man. I mean, someone should report that, right?
Voice: Well, that's up to you.
Dropship Pilot: Yeah, it was pretty bad. You got a phone I could use?
Voice: Sure. Right behind you.
Dropship Pilot: Thanks.
The Dropship Pilot turns and walks down the ramp, when suddenly Locus shoots him in the back
Locus: Just so you're aware, no-one's gonna find your ship either.
Locus shoots him once again
Locus: Control this is Locus. Objective complete. Returning to Crash Site Bravo.
- It is revealed that Donut went back to Valhalla and continued to live with Doc after Don't Say It.
- The previously unknown soldier reveals his code name to be Locus, in a transition he sends to control. This is a reference to his Locus helmet.
- It is revealed that Grif also contributed to the ship's crash landing by spilling soda on the ship's equipment.