Why They're Here is the fourth episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 14. It aired on May 29, 2016 for sponsors, May 30th, 2016 for Rooster Teeth site users, and June 5, 2016 for the general public. It is the 293rd episode overall.
Characters[]
Red Team[]
Blue Team[]
Project Freelancer[]
- Director (Mentioned only)
- California (Mentioned only)
- Hawaii (Mentioned only)
- Kansas (Mentioned only)
- Montana (Mentioned only)
- Oregon (Mentioned only)
Other[]
- V.I.C.
- Meta (Mentioned only)
- Tex (Mentioned only)
- Caboose (Mentioned only)
- Donut (Mentioned only)
- Sister (Mentioned only)
- Jenkins (Mentioned only)
Plot[]
Captain Butch Flowers (AKA Agent Florida) speaks with Vic and discusses the mission with him, reminding Vic to always answer to any calls as "Army Command".
Flowers greets Private Jimmy, a newly-arrived Blue recruit and thanks him for his sacrifice. Before Jimmy can find out what he means, two soldiers grab him and forcibly implant the Alpha AI into his head, while he screams "This doesn't seem physically possible!" Church then wakes up and is told by Flowers that he slipped and fell, hitting his head, resulting in amnesia. All Church can remember is Tex killing a friend of his named Jimmy on Sidewinder with his own skull, an amalgamation of his own memories as Alpha and Jimmy's. Flowers introduced Church to Tucker, and they go to an outcropping, where Flowers watches the Reds through a sniper scope. When asked when they're planning on attacking the Reds, Flowers replies that he has no intention of anyone dying on this mission.
At the Red base, Grif suggests to Simmons that they should sneak out to the Vegas quadrant for some fun. When Simmons refuses and Sarge shows up, Grif tells Sarge that it was all Simmons's idea, resulting in Sarge punishing Simmons and rewarding Grif.
Later, Flowers visits the underground cave, where V.I.C. is located, where he tells Vic that the mission is going fine. Vic shows him a list of replacement soldiers, should it become necessary to fill out the team rosters, all of the names being Project Freelancer agents California, Hawaii, Kansas, Montana and Oregon. However, as he's leaving, Flowers trips over a power cable, resulting in a glitch in Vic's programming. This results in Vic's eccentric personality. The names on the list are also mangled into seemingly random names, which will eventually result in Caboose, Donut, and Sister ending up in Blood Gulch. Jenkins and Andersmith were also listed but didn't arrive at Blood Gulch.
Transcript[]
As Flowers monologues, the camera fades into numerous shots of Sidewinder as a cobalt soldier is escorted to Flowers by 2 green soldiers.
Flowers: I want you to know how brave you are for volunteering for this mission. You certainly have more guts than most of your peers, my good sir. You're the final piece in a veerry complicated little operation; in fact, you're the most important part, I'd say. When the history of these important events is written, you'll go down as the unsung hero! The soldier who sacrificed so much for his fellow man, it brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it soldier. The world will never forget Private Jimmy.
Jimmy: Gosh. Ya know, I just wanna help help any way I can. My girl back home always said: "You're not worth a darn if you just stand by without helping your fellow man."
Flowers: Well you're most certainly doing that!
Jimmy: So, how can I help?
Flowers: Just sit right there while these two gentlemen take care of everything.
Jimmy: [Confused] Ugh, ok. Sure thing.
Flowers: Prepare him for A.I. implantation.
Jimmy: A.I what now?
The 2 soldiers surround Jimmy, with the front guy holding him in place while the second one forcibly implants the Alpha A.I into Jimmy's skull.
Jimmy: AAHHHH, What are you doing to my skull?!?! AHHHHH! THIS DOESN'T SEEM PHYSILCALLY POSSIBLE! AHHAHAAAHAAAA!!!
Flowers: Your service is appreciated Private Jimmy.
[Radio Static]
Flowers: Radio check... 1... 2... semblance... 1... 2... buckle my shoe. Can you read me? Vic?
Vic: Hello. Yes, hello, this is Vic transmitting from simulation outpost....
Flowers: Uh uh. Remember, you're Vic from comaaand.
Vic: Yes. Apologies, Agent Florida, I will be sure to modify my greeting in the future. Are you nearing completion for your simulation preparation?
Flowers: Indeed, I am! You can inform the director that I've assembled both Red and Blue teams for Blood Gulch outposts 1 and Alpha. Everything is looking dandy! Let me tell you, nothing short of an Aspirin overdose will stop this plan from succeeding.
Vic: Excellent news sir. Alright then, protocol established by command now allows you to activate the Alpha. If our theories are correct, the Alpha will gain full control over the host body it assumes to be its own. Odds of memory contamination from the host mind are very slim.
Flowers: That is fantastic news!
Vic: And it says here in the Important Note Section: that you need to make sure the Alpha has no recollection of the events concerning Project Freelancer. Nothing about the other fragments, nothing about the crash. AND absolutely nothing about the Meta.
Flowers: Understood.
Vic: It also says not to put the Alpha in any immediate danger as quote: "It is unknown how severe injury or death may affect the host body-A.I. relationship."
Flowers: Ha. Huh. I wasn't planning on any of my men dying. That would just be poor leadership on my part.
Vic: That is all for the command objectives, Agent Florida. Keep in mind. Not only am I here to provide false direction for the simulation troopers, I am also programmed to assist you in monitoring and managing this operation. If you need anything else: Let me know and I will contact command.
Flowers: Will that sounds handy. Thank you, Vic!
Vic: Oh! There's one more note here. It also says to make sure you have a great day, Captain!
Flowers: Aw... That is so sweet. Now... It's time to begin.
Cut to the reds.
Sarge: Private Grif! Did you send in a the order for a new jeep?
Grif: Uhhh... Probably?
Simmons: He took a nap in the middle of filling the paper work, but I finished it for him sir.
Sarge: I didn't order you to do that Simmons. Both of you drop right now and give me 20!
Grif: 20 what? 20 more minutes? You're not making any sense.
Simmons: No, push-ups! Why would he punish you with a nap?
Grif: I don't know why he's punishing me at all! You're the one that took matters into his own hands. You know Sargent, I'd be careful with this guy if I were you. He seems like a bit of a loose canon.
Sarge: Something tells me you're not being entirely genuine, Private.
Grif: Who? Me? Naaah, I just wanna make sure we establish a good working relationship.
Flowers: Hello? Hellooooo? Hello. Can you hear me, Private?
Jimmy/Church grunts
Jimmy/Church: (Disoriented) Yeeeah. Private? What? Where am I?
Flowers: Easy there, son. It's me,your good friend and mentor, Captain Butch Flowers. There was an accident. You seem to have lost some of your memory.
Jimmy/Church: An accident? Wha... wha... what happened?
Flowers: There was a wet spot on the floor. You slipped and hit your head.
Jimmy/Church: Oh.
Flowers: Tell me, Do you remember your name?
Jimmy/Church: Uh... My name? Uhhh... My name is... Leonard Church.
Flowers: It is indeed. And what is the last thing you remember?
Church: (Sigh) I don't know. I remember that- there was this snow, and there was fighting.
Flowers: Interesting... Interesting. Go on.
Church: (Gibberish) And my girlfriend Tex was there. And she was fighting... I guess she was fighting someone.
Flowers: Is that so? And who was Tex fighting?
Flowers reloads his pistol and aims it at Church.
Church: It was um...Yeah... I don't know I...OH MY GOD Private Jimmy!
Right as Church says this, he turns around, but doesn't see that Flowers has lowered his pistol.
Flowers: That's right! Poor Private Jimmy. You've certainly mentioned him before.
Church: Yeah, I remember someone named Private Jimmy. But... I don't know... ahh... It was weird. She was beating him to death with his own skull?
Flowers: Well that doesn't seem physically possible. But if that is what you remember, then... why question it? Just be sure to let me know whenever more memories start falling into place. We want to make sure to get our... I mean... Your story straight.
Church: Uhh, yeah ok, sounds good to me. So what's with this armor? We're fighting someone right?
Tucker: Hellooooo? Oh, hey Captain.
Flowers: Ahhh, Private Tucker. Our newest recruit. I'd like you to meet your comrade, Private Church.
Tucker: Sup? Are you a chick?
Church: No.
Tucker: Bummer.
Church: Yeah, I don't like you.
Flowers: Come'n now fellas, we're a team. Teams have to work together. So how about we go on a little scouting mission?
Church: Really? I mean, it sounds like I just woke up from a traumatic head injury. You sure that's a good idea?
Tucker: Hey, how come he gets a cool armor color and I'm stuck with blue?
Church: What?
Tucker: I'm just saying. No one's gonna take me seriously. I look like a fucking Teletubby.
Church: Captain Flowers, is it possible that he could get shot on this mission?
Flowers: It's... not likely.
Church: Weeell, there's no harm in trying.
Cut to Flowers, Tucker, and Church spying on the Reds from atop the cliff. Flowers spies through his sniper.
Tucker: Hey uhh, that's uhhh, a pretty nice-looking sniper rifle, Captain. Can I use it?
Flowers: Tell you what Private: If the three of us goes on a scouting mission like this again, I'll let you do the honors.
Tucker: Awesome!
Church: So, what are the Reds doing?
Flowers: Oh, you can be sure that whatever it is they're talking about down there, it's absolutely diabolical.
Cut to Red Base.
Simmons: No.
Grif: Come on Simmons, don't be a buzzkill. (Simmons sighs) Don't do it! Don't kill my buzz!
Simmons: For the last time, I don't want to go!
Grif: But dude, the Vegas quadrant is only three parsecs from here. We can get there, we can gamble away our life savings, we kill a hooker or two, and we can be back here before Sarge even notices that we're gone!
Simmons: I'm not going to the fucking quadrant, don't talk about the quadrant!
Sarge: Grif! Simmons!
Grif: Ah shit. There goes our chance.
Sarge: I thought I told you two to clean this place up. There are grenades and guns lying around everywhere!
Simmons: Sorry sir, it won't happen again. Private Grif was just distracting me from my duties.
Sarge: Is this true, Grif?
Grif: Actually, Simmons was distracting me! With some convoluted scheme to sneak away to the Vegas quadrant before you came to check on us. I was about to report it to you.
Simmons: WHAT?
Sarge: My god, Simmons! How could you? I'm withholding your rations for the rest of the day. And thank you, Private Grif, for reporting this incident. You sure are a good soldier.
Grif: Good enough to take that extra ration? I don't think Private Simmons is gonna' be needing it.
Sarge: (Laughs) I don't see why not. Hell, keep up the good work, Grif! I think you and I are gonna get along just fine.
Simmons: Ah, but but but sir!
Sarge: Get back to cleaning Simmons! I don't want anymore of your back sass.
Sarge leaves the base.
Simmons: I can't fucking believe you.
Grif: Look, I'm not gonna apologize for conjuring an extra meal out of disobeying a direct order. Unless, of course, you wanna go to the Vegas quadrant?
Simmons: GODDAMIT!
Cut to the Blues
Flowers: Well I think it's safe to say they are still getting their base in order. No imminent threats.
Church: So, do we have a plan of attack?
Flowers: Attack? Ohhh no. No need to incite conflict, Private Church. It's best to keep you out of harms way for the time being.
Tucker: And me too, right Captain Flowers?
Flowers: Yes, whatever you say, Private Tucker. I'm very pleased with how all of this is coming together. I think everything is going to work out... just fine.
Tucker: Uhhhh why's he just turned away talking like that?
Church: Dude, I have no idea. This is the weirdest day from waking up from a coma, ever.
[Mystic music fades in]
[Windows startup sound]
Vic: Greetings Agent Florida! And welcome back. Do you have anything to report?
Flowers: Only that things are better than a cool glass of lemonade on a hot July afternoon, Vic. This quote, unquote "War" will be a stalemate for quite some time. Maybe up to 14 seasons, if we're lucky.
Vic: I'm sorry sir?
Flowers: Oh... uh... I... I prefer to think of the passage of time in terms of the four seasons. As apposed to the standard Gregorian calendar.
Vic: Ah, very good sir. Would you like me to go over the fail safe protocol that we have established?
Flowers: Show me the list, please.
Vic: Here is the prioritized list of Freelancer personal to be sent to Blood Gulch in the event of your absence and or death.
The Camera cuts to list called Freelancer Roster for Replacements and "Reinforcements" in Blood Gulch Outpost 1/Alpha, with Agents California, Hawaii, Kansas, Montana, and Oregon being listed number 1 to 5 respectively.
Flowers: Excellent work Vic! Each of these soldiers are more than capable. Well... I suppose there's nothing left to do now but get back to... Ah, fiddlesticks!
Flowers trips over and disconnects a cable
Flowers: Ouch.
Vic: Agent Florida- [Gibberish] Duuuuuude. WHOA. You alright down there? Looks like you took a bit of a tumble my te...teal compadre.
Flowers: Gosh... Must have slipped on a wet spot on the floor. Vic, could you do me a favor and put in a request to command for some wet floor signs? You never can be too careful.
Vic: You got it, diddlely dude. Remember, you need anything, just give your boy Vic a call. At 5-5-5, V-I-C-K.
Flowers: I'll be sure to do just that. Farewell, Vic.
Vic: This is gonna' run smoother than a baby's bottom Cappy. Not that I would know. Can't have kids since the vasectomy/ the fact I'm [Singing] secretly a computer But, that's a story for another tittlety t-time. Point I'm trying to make dude, that I got a reaaally good feeling about this Blood Gulch thing.
As Flowers leaves the caves and Vic talks to himself, the list corrupts and, in the process, changes the Agents names to Micheal J Caboose, Franklin Delano Donut, Kakaina Grif, Jacob J Jenkins, and Cornelius Thromwell Andersmith.
[Theme song fades in]
Gallery[]
Coming soon
Trivia[]
- This episode reveals the origin of Church's very first body. It is shown that Church was in full possession of Pvt. Jimmy and believed he was a teammate of his on Sidewinder.
- Due to a mistake made by Flowers, simulation troopers Caboose, Donut, Kaikaina Grif, Jacob J. Jenkins, and Cornelius Thromwell Andersmith become listed on the replacement/reinforcements roster for Blood Gulch, replacing Freelancer agents California, Hawaii, Kansas, Montana, and Oregon.
- The fact Sarge seemingly gets along better with Grif than Simmons in this episode references the inconsistency in the first episode of the series, where Simmons and Grif each had the other's typical relationship with Sarge.
- When Vic changes the roster, a simulation trooper named "Jacob J. Jenkins" is listed. This may possibly be a reference to a tweet made by series creator Burnie Burns in 2012 regarding a mistake made on the wiki in which the character Jenkins was split into two characters, the mistaken character being "Jacobs".[1]
- When Vic changes the roster, another of the soldiers is named Andersmith, a reference to Mid-Game Substitution.
- Grif and Simmons' discussion on going to the Vegas quadrant is a reference to The Rookies.
- Chronologically, this episode marks the first time Tucker asks to use the sniper rifle, but doesn't get it.
- Vic's eccentric personality is revealed to have been caused by Flowers tripping and severing the wire Vic was connected to.
- When Vic starts talking to Flowers while they're in the cave, the music from logging on to a computer with Windows 7 is heard.
- Flowers stating that the operation may last up to 14 seasons is a reference to the length of Red vs. Blue at the time.
- This episode marks the first time Sister's full name is shown in the series. Her name was previously featured only on the Season 5 DVD and Red vs. Blue: The Ultimate Fan Guide.
- This episode also marks the return (and chronologically, the origin) of the running gag "This Doesn't Seem Physically Possible!"
References[]
Video[]
