|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|"Where There's a Will, There's a Wall: Episode 1"|
|Airdate||April 14, 2012|
In the first episode of this miniseries, Sarge discovers a mysterious wall in the canyon and is convinced that it hides a nefarious secret. Meanwhile, the Blues rejoice over a new shipment that Tucker believes could dramatically increase his chances with the ladies.
Simmons: Hey Grif, can I talk to you for a minute?
Grif: Not now, Simmons. I'm right in the middle of something.
Simmons: Oh yeah? What are you doing?
Grif: Umm.... standing.
Simmons: I see. How time consuming.
Grif: You know, it really is, you think Command would send us a couple of lawn-chairs or something.
Simmons: I want to talk to you about Sarge. Don't you think he's been acting a little odd lately?
Grif: Uhh, he's been barking orders and spying on the Blues. What's so weird about that?
Simmons: Well, first of all, he's been spying in the wrong direction for three weeks.
Camera turns to Sarge on top of the base looking in the distance.
Grif: Wait, really?
Simmons: Yeah. He didn't even notice the Blues got a shipment this morning.
Grif: I don't believe it.
Simmons: I know, I'm starting to think there might be something seriously wrong with him.
Grif: You're telling me I've been pretending to work out here all this time and Sarge wasn't even watching? Why didn't you tell me this sooner?
Sarge: Grif! Simmons! Front and center on the double!
Cut to the Blues admiring the Falcon
Tucker: Soo... many. Church we are going to pick up so many chicks. I mean, I know I said that about the tank. But this, this is a frigging helicopter. You have any idea what the word 'pilot' means to women?
Caboose: This is the best Christmas ever.
Tucker: Shut up, Caboose!
Epsilon: Both of you shut up! You're ruining the moment. Man, imagine what we can do with this thing...
Cut to Epsilon imagining himself getting in the Falcon leaving Blood Gulch
Imaginary Epsilon:Yes! I am out of here! See ya later losers!
Cut to Tucker imagining himself inside the Falcon as many females jump up and down shouting how much they love him.
Imaginary Tucker: Ladies please, I can't land till all 400 of you make room. It's going to be a pretty tight fit.
Cut to Caboose imagining the Falcon on fire with imaginary Caboose looking down at the real one.
Imaginary Caboose: I have no idea what I'm doing.
Tucker and Church: DIBS!
Caboose: Present! Ahh, I mean dibs.
Cut back to Red Base where Sarge scrutinizes a large metal wall at the end of the canyon. Both Simmons and Grif arrive on the scene.
Simmons: You wanted to see us, sir?
Sarge: You're damn right! We got ourselves in a emergency situation!
Simmons: Let me guess, is it the Blues?
Grif: Dude, when has it ever been the Blues? That would make too much sense.
Sarge: Over the past few weeks I've been conducting top secret reconnaissance. I think I may have stumbled upon an enormous gap in our defenses.
Simmons: What? Where?
Sarge: Worst place of all, directly behind us.
Sarge turns his head slightly at the wall.
Simmons: Umm... that's just a wall sir.
Sarge: Well, do you have any idea what's behind that wall?
Sarge: I'm disappointed in you for not thinking about it, Simmons.
Grif: What about me, Sarge? Are you disappointed in me for not caring about it?
Sarge: All this time, we've been putting our back to the wall, without considering what could be on the other side. For all we know, the Blues could be building a massive army right behind us. Or it could be some sort of alien wall, containing a despicable evil waiting to get loose!
Grif: Umm, Sarge, maybe you should sit down for a while, clear your head. I bet if you ask Command to send us a few lawn chairs- (gets interrupted by Simmons)
Simmons: You know, come to think of it, that wall does seem to be really out of place. I mean why would anybody build a wall in a middle of a empty canyon?
Grif: Why would anybody build a military base in a empty canyon?
Simmons (sighs): Don't start that again!
Grif: These are questions that will never be answered, but will continue to be asked.
Sarge: Damn it, men! We will not rest till we know exactly what is behind that wall. I already got Lopez conducting research in the field. Lopez status Oh El Reporto!
Camera zoom to Lopez standing next to the wall.
Lopez: Estoy 100% seguro que es una pared. [I am 100% sure it's a wall.]
Sarge: Hot potato! I knew there was something foreign and mysterious about it.
Lopez: Te odio tanto. [I hate you so much.]
- During Tucker's daydream about using the Falcon, the song Bow Chicka Wow Wow Wow can be heard in the background.
- Epsilon reminding Caboose and Tucker that they are "ruining the moment" is a reference to The Rookies, where Tucker makes the same remarks regarding the arrival of Sheila.