The #1 Movie in the Galaxy is a PSA made for YouTube's Geek Week.
Characters[]
Red Team[]
Blue Team[]
Plot[]
Sarge shows the Blues a trailer he made for a Red vs. Blue movie that he plans to become a blockbuster. Although open to the idea at first, the Blues realize that the trailer's portrayal of the characters is changed to Sarge's benefits. Wash also asks how Sarge was able to get the Blue team in the trailer without their knowledge, before Simmons and Grif appear with different colored armor, revealing they acted like the Blues. Washington then states he's going to destroy the Reds camera equipment as Sarge tries to change his mind. Caboose then asks Freckles about his appearance in the ending of the trailer, at which the robot replies Sarge promised to make him a star.
Transcript[]
Washington, Tucker, Caboose, and Freckles are standing in a small huddle, while Sarge walks up to them.
Sarge: Ahem, hey, Blues. I think it's time we all had ourselves a little talk.
Tucker: If this is the sex talk, I'd love to make a contribution to the discussion.
Sarge: This is not the sex talk.
Tucker: Oh...
Sarge: Me and the boys have been talking, and we think that now is the right time to make our big move!
Washington: What are you talking about?
Sarge: Gentlemen, it's high time we made ourselves a Red vs Blue movie!
Wash, Caboose, and Tucker look at each other for a moment, then turn back to Sarge.
Wash: But... we do that every year.
Sarge: No! Not some straight-to-DVD nonsense! I'm talking about a genuine summer blockbuster!
Tucker: Hey, I like the sound of that!
Wash: Okay... what did you have in mind? What's the story?
Sarge: Heh, heh, story? I said 'blockbuster', Spielberg. Story should be the last thing on our minds.
Wash: Then, what's it going to be about?
Sarge: Excellent question, unit production manager Washington! Which is why I've taken this moment to prepare an incredibly expensive, cinematic movie trailer! Lopez, get the lights.
Lopez turns off the lights.
The following PREVIEW has been approved for
RED AUDIENCES ONLY
By the Motion Picture Association of the Galaxy
THE FILM ADVERTISED HAS BEEN RATED
R - Restricted
Blues require accompanying Red team member or guardian
Language, violence, violent language, the phrase "cock bite"
www.filmratings.unsc www.burnie.com
A golden banner appears, displaying the words, 'Non Mea Culpa'. Below it are the letters MJC. In the banner, Caboose stands up, and looks around, finally turning to the camera.
Caboose: Hello!
Fade in to Simmons and Grif standing outside the Red Base on Valhalla.
Grif: Hey.
Simmons: Yeah?
Grif: You ever wonder why we're here?
Fade to a large grassy expanse, as Sarge walks through it.
Sarge: It's funny. I ask myself the same question every day.
Fade to Wash standing in front of a city being ravaged by a Covenant ship.
Wash: The world is changing, gentlemen. I'm just the man suggesting we change it in our favor.
Fade to black, with "THIS SUMMER" appearing on screen.
Fade in to Sarge overlooking an ocean.
Sarge: My pappy once told me: "Son, don't ever... ever... EVER trust a Blue."
Caboose is shown to be standing behind him.
Caboose: Did you believe him?
Sarge turns to look at Caboose.
Fade to black, with "FROM THE MAKERS OF RED VS. BLUE" appearing on screen.
Donut: Sarge! Sarge!
Sarge: I'm here, son!
Sounds of a scuffle appear over the radio.
Donut: Sarge, there's people at the door! They're trying to get in! They're in blue armor!
Sarge: My god.
A window is heard breaking.
Tucker: There he is!
Caboose: Get him!
Donut: I'm scared!
Gunfire. Cut to Sarge reloading his shotgun.
Sarge: This ain't the same game anymore.
Cut to Caboose, Tucker and Wash standing at a window. Caboose and Tucker have SAWs at the ready.
Sarge: They've changed the rules.
Caboose and Tucker raise their weapons and fire. Cut to Sarge walking out of Red Base, with Grif standing beside the Warthog.
Grif: We've gotta do something!
Sarge gets in the driver seat of the Warthog.
Sarge: Son, the only thing I've got to do, is stay Red, and die.
Sarge revs the Warthog. Cut to black, showing the words "ONE MAN"
Cut to Sarge sprinting down a hallway.
Simmons (voice over): Our people need a hero! Someone who's brave and also handsome!
Cut to black, showing the words "ONE MISSION". Cut to Wash looking at a screen displaying "UNSC ORDERED EVACUATION"
Wash: Who is this guy?
Tucker: He's a nobody. A loser.
Wash: Then why haven't you stopped him?!
Cut to black, showing the words "ONE EPIC MOVIE". Cut to Grif being held at gunpoint by Caboose, Tucker, and Wash.
Grif: He loves blood and violence. He's got a boner for murder. And he's coming for you.
Cut to Caboose giving a speech to a multitude of soldiers in blue armor.
Caboose: We are the Blue Army! We are the antagonists of this film!
Cut to Wash and Sarge circling each other on a flaming platform. Both are armed with energy swords.
Wash: You think you can win?! You think this story has a happy ending?! I WILL BREAK YOU!!!
Sarge and Wash charge, their swords deflecting off of each other. Cut to Simmons standing over a dead Grif on a snowy landscape.
Simmons: Noooooo!
Cut to Grif taking cover behind a rock, while a Scorpion tank fires on his location.
Grif: They've got a tank!
Cut to Sarge standing over a brightly lit city at night. A Hornet rises behind him.
Sarge: We've got to steal the Declaration of Independence!
Cut to Sarge driving a Warthog being chased by Caboose in a Warthog.
Caboose: The secret code is "The Mona Lisa"!
Cut to Sarge leaping on asteroids in space, while a Banshee fires on him.
Wash (voice over): KILL HIM!
Cut to Sarge aiming his shotgun at Wash, who is armed with a Spartan Laser and a volcano erupts behind him.
Sarge: It's over, Washington!
Wash: NO! This, is only the beginning!!
Wash charges the Spartan Laser and fires. Cut to black, showing the words "SARGE: a red vs blue movie". Fade out. Fade in to Grif standing in Exile.
Grif: It's two bases standing in the middle of a box canyon. How bad could it be?
Freckles rises from some collapsed boxes, and begins to fire his gatling gun.
MICHAEL J. CABOOSE PICTURES presents
In association with
RED TEAM FILMS
A SARGE Production
"SARGE: A RED VS BLUE MOVIE"
Dexter Grif Dick Simmons 2.0
Sarge Freckles
Sarge (voice over): Ehh, stupid Grif...
Lopez turns the lights back on.
Sarge: So, is that an Oscar winner or what?!
Wash: Was that... how did you get me in the trailer?
Grif: Ahem.
Cut to Simmons in blue armor and Grif in cobalt armor standing behind Sarge.
Grif: It's called 'acting', Wash. You should try it sometime.
Wash: I'm going to burn your camera equipment.
Wash runs off.
Sarge: Wait! We're not done with principal photography! We're not even done with VICE-principal photography
Sarge follows Wash.
Simmons: But guys, this isn't just a movie. This is our calling. Our mission. Our...
Sarge: Shut up, Simmons!
Simmons: (sighs) Yes, sir.
Fade to black
Caboose: Um, Freckles? Was that you at the end of the movie trailer?
Freckles: He said he was going to make me a star.
Gallery[]
Trivia[]
- Simmons is briefly seen in (mostly) blue armor, a reference to his team change in Season 4.
- The phrase "Non mea culpa" is Latin for "Not my fault."
- Simmons is referred to in the end credits as "Dick Simmons 2.0" a reference to Sarge making him a cyborg in Season 2.
- The "Michael J. Caboose Pictures" opening logo for the trailer somewhat resembles a simplified Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer logo, with the notable exception of the art masks, Caboose taking the place of the lion, and the "MJC" being placed at the bottom of the ribbon, while the "Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer" is placed on top of the ribbon and not abbriveated.
- The scene in which Sarge and Washington are seen dueling with energy swords in the middle of molten metal is a reference to the duel between Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi from the 2005 film Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.
- Grif's speech to Wash regarding Sarge's "boner for murder," and "loves blood and violence" is a reference to K.I.T. B.F.F.
- Sarge makes a reference to the 2004 film National Treasure when he states, "we're gonna steal the Declaration of Independence".
- Grif's last sentence in the trailer "It's two bases in the middle of a box canyon." is a reference to a similar line Simmons says in Why Are We Here?
- The "Do you ever wonder why we're here?" gag returns in this PSA.
- "Cockbite" also makes a return in the rating message.
- Sarge saying "Ahh, stupid Grif..." is a callback to The Best Laid Plans, when Sarge says a similar statement while blaming Grif for a plan made by Donut.
- This is the second PSA to have a sequel. The first being St. Patrick's Day and its sequel, Raise 'Em if Ya Got 'Em.
- The link "www.Burnie.com" is a reference to Burnie Burns.
Video[]
