|Red vs. Blue Episode|
Church and Grif are arguing about the merits of getting a tattoo. Church believes they are stupid, and that in ten years you will regret getting one, while Grif believes that as long as you avoid bad designs your tattoo will earn you respect and make you feel good, apart from the pain . Church states that if you must get a tattoo, it should depict your favorite character from your favorite web series, referencing himself.
Church and Grif are standing in front of the Warthog, which is in front of the red base
Church: Hi, how ya doin'. My name is Private L.L. Church, and I'm one of the actors on the popular web series Red Vs. Blue.
Grif: And I'm Private Dexter Grif, from the same show.
Church: But you know what? We are not here today to talk to you as world-famous actors, who also happen to be, you know, very good looking.
Grif: That's right! We're here today, to tell you how to run your life.
Church: You know, a lot of you out there are probably considering getting a tattoo. Or, as the young people like to call it, a "tat."
Grif: Or, adding a tattoo to your already impressive collection.
Church: So today we present to you, a very special "Point/Counterpoint" edition of Red Vs. Blue.
Grif: Should you get, a tattoo?
Cut to just Church, and at the bottom of the screen reads "Pvt. L.L. Church - Counterpoint"
Church: I think it's quite clear, that you should not get a tattoo. And I can sum up my points in this very elegant, but simple, bulleted list.
On screen appears "Church's Bulleted List"
Church: Number one: tattoos, are permanent.
On screen appears "Tattoos are permanent"
Church: Number 2, you are a goddamned idiot. And I'd like to prove this mathematically if I may. Take your current age. Now subtract ten years from it. Were you smart back then? Of course you weren't. You were a goddamned idiot.
On screen appears "Red sucks. Blue rules."
Church: Fact of the matter is, you're just as big an idiot today, it's just gonna take you ten more years to realize it. Now think if you'd drawn a picture on your body ten years ago. Would you be happy with it today? Chances are, you wouldn't be.
Cut to just Grif, and at the bottom of the screen is "Pvt. Dexter Grif - Counter-Counterpoint"
Grif: Unless it was cool, which brings me to my main point. Tattoos, are cool.
On screen appears "Designs To Avoid" .
Grif: As long as you avoid the following rookie mistakes, you'll be just fine. The barb wire ring.
On screen appears a picture of the barb wire ring.
Grif: Nothing says 1998 quite like a barb wire ring around your bicep. You'll look like a defensive lineman, and if you get the tattoo, you're probably about as smart as one. The band logo.
On screen appears the logos of Scorpions, Milli Vanilli, and Metallica
Grif: Any band logo. Think about it. The only pop star to remain cool for more than ten years was Madonna, and you're not fooling anybody by getting a tattoo of her.
Grif: Lastly, and most importantly, are the tribal designs, and the Asian character.
On screen appears some tribal design, and an Asian character.
Grif: No one gets it! Let's be honest, you don't either. Someone had to explain it to you, and you have no idea if they were even telling you the truth. So, avoid these simple pitfalls, and a tattoo can be a wonderful, and rewarding experience. ...except for the pain.
Church: It's at this time that I would like to point out that our friend Private Grif here has a tattoo on his neck - his neck, in plain sight where anyone can see it, from the movie Blade starring Wesley Snipes, right? It's Blade, not Blade II?
Grif: Actually it's ...from the comic book.
Church: Yeah, that's great. I'm sure your boyfriend loves it.
Grif: In closing, be sure to choose wisely when getting a tattoo. Don't repeat my mistakes.
Church: Right, listen. If I can't stop you from getting a tattoo, at least let me offer a good suggestion for a design. How about this: why not get a tattoo of your favorite character, from your favorite online cartoon?
On screen appears a picture of Strong Bad from www.homestarrunner.com
Church: I meant your other favorite online cartoon.
On screen the picture of Strong Bad is replaced by Tycho and Gabe from www.penny-arcade.com
Church: Okay, you know what? Screw you. ...I mean seriously, what do I care. Get a tattoo of an M16 in the middle of your forehead. That would give Sarge a boner.