Small Rewards is the second PSA of Reconstruction, explaining the Xbox 360 achievement system.
Characters[]
Red Team[]
Blue Team[]
Plot[]
Simmons introduces the achievement function from the Xbox 360 into Red vs. Blue, however Grif disapproves of this saying that they are stupid. Sarge arrives and upon discovering that Simmons got an achievement for making fun of Grif, he melee attacks Grif.
The first hit earns him an achievement, but upon realizing that they can only be earned once, Sarge becomes upset and leaves. Grif then earns an achievement stating that there is no air in his suit. Subsequently, he chokes and Simmons tells him that the achievements see all. They are interrupted by Caboose who declares that he has made "achievables" for Blue Team, and gives them to himself by saying "Bleep Bloop". Simmons becomes angry and leaves.
The screen goes to the normal outro, but the video shows the episode goes on. After a few seconds the "Secret Bloop" is discovered, and if the user waits until the end of the video, they earn the "Last two minutes of my life back" achievement.
Transcript[]
Fade into Grif and Simmons on a beach
Simmons: Hi there. I'm Private Dick Simmons from the popular web series, Red vs Blue.
Grif: Even though we haven't been in the show in like six months.
Simmons: Here at Red vs Blue, we're always looking to improve the video watching experience.
Grif: Does this mean we're finally using some of my suggestions?
Simmons: (sighs) No. We can't do porn! This is the internet! Show some class!
Grif: I hate this show.
Simmons: As you may know, since their introduction into video games, Achievements have been enormously popular. And since we like being enormously popular-
Grif: -And taking other people's ideas...
Simmons: -We have now decided to integrate Achievement Technology into all future Red vs Blue videos.
Sarge walks to them.
Sarge: What's an Achievement?
Grif: Oh, they're these pointless little awards you get when you do something right in a video game.
Sarge: Do something right? I take it Grif's never gotten one.
Simmons: Actually sir, they are very cool.
Grif: I hate Achievements.
Simmons: What? Why?
Grif: Because they're a waste of time. Why bother with them?
Simmons: Why bother with anything in a video game? It's for fun.
Grif: That's not true. Some games are serious business.
Simmons: What?
Grif: One time, I played Donkey Kong so well, I cured Kidneyism. It was the best day ever. The end.
Simmons: Kidneyism? There's no such disease as Kidneyism.
Grif: That's right, not anymore. 'Cause I cured that bitch.
Simmons: Idiot.
An Xbox Achievement comes on the bottom of the screen saying: Achievement Unlocked - 30G - Grif Burn.
Grif: What was that?
Simmons: That's one of our new Video Achievements. I got it for calling you an idiot.
Sarge: Hold on. You mean we get prizes for makin' fun of Grif? Suddenly I'm very interested. Count me in.
10G - Shut Up, Rookie - Join a squad.
Sarge: Where do I sign up?
Simmons: Many of the Achievements are based on our characters. So if you do something your character is known for, you get one.
Grif: Don't even think about it.
Sarge runs up and punches Grif.
Grif: Ow!
Xbox Achievement: 10G - You Just Got Sarged - Punch Grif in his Ying-Yang.
Sarge: This is great! I'm a convert!
Sarge hits Grif on the ground with the butt of his rifle a couple times
Grif: Ow! Ow!
Sarge: Hey! Where's that little annoying thingy? I thought I got one of those every time I beat the crap out of Grif!
Simmons: Well Sir, you can only get them-
Xbox Achievement: 100G - Freeze frame - pause the video to find achievement
Simmons: -once. It wouldn't make much sense if you get them every time.
Sarge: Now it's lost its lustre. It all seems so empty to me now.
Xbox Achievement: 50G - Epiphany - Your life is worthless
Sarge: Never thought I'd see the day when beating Grif to death wasn't fun, but here it is.
Sarge exits and Grif gets up
Grif: Hhh, finally something good about Achievements. They're still stupid though.
Xbox Achievement: 25G - Choke a Bitch - Run out of air in your suit. You die.
Grif: (sees Achievement) ...What that's bullshit. I have plenty of air in my- (gasp) breathe---
Grif turns white, then purple, then keels over.
Xbox Achievement: 5G - Made You Look - Identify misplaced meaningless achievement.
Simmons: Do not attempt to defy the Achievements. You have been warned.They see everything.
Cut to Caboose who is nearby Simmons.
Caboose: I also have my own achievables.
Simmons: Shut up Blue, we haven't even made any for you guys yet.
Caboose: Yes you have, see? Bleep bloop.
Caboose Achievement: You Got Achevables
Simmons: That's not a real Achievement.
Caboose: Yes it is. Bleep bloop.
Caboose Achievement: 10 Points. Yes it is.
Simmons: No, you can't do that! You can't fake the Achievements, they have to be approved!
Xbox Achievement: 10G - Wahmbulance - Whine like a bitch.
Caboose: Bleep bloop.
Simmons: Stop saying bleep bloop!
Caboose: Bleep bloop.
Caboose Achievement: BLEEP BLOOP
Simmons: Stop it!
Caboose: Bleep bloop.
Caboose Achievement: BLEEP BLOOP
Simmons: Stop iiit!
Caboose: Bleep bloop.
Caboose Achievement: BLOOP BLOOP
Simmons: Okay, that's it, I quit.
Caboose: Bleep bloop.
Caboose Achievement: Daboop Doop
Caboose: I have so many achievables. Bleep bloop.
"1 BILLION Point, won the Video 150G - Case of the Mondays - Finish video on Easy Difficulty."
The screen fades to black. Caboose reappears.
Caboose: Bleep bloop.
Caboose Achievement: Secret Bloop
The screen fades to black again. Two minutes pass and an Achievement appears on the screen.
"Achievement Unlocked - 75G - Last Two Minutes of My Life Back"
Trivia[]
- In the game The Dishwasher: Vampire Smile, there is an achievement called "Bleep Bloop", in reference to Caboose's self-created achievements.
- If paused at the right time (at approximately 1:42 to 1:43), a secret 100G achievement called "Freeze Frame" can be found.
- Ironically, while Grif claims to hate achievements, Geoff Ramsey who plays the character has a great interest in them, even creating a subsidiary of Rooster Teeth dedicated to showing people how to get achievements named "Achievement Hunter".
Video[]
