The creative geniuses behind RvB take matters into their own hands.
Cut to Church, Grif and Donut standing in front of the Warthog, in front of one of the bases
Church: Hi. I'm Private Leonard Church, from the popular webseries, Red Vs. Blue.
Donut: And I'm Private Franklin Delano Donut, from the same show.
Grif: Are we gonna introduce ourselves like this every time?
Church: But we're not here today to talk to you as famous actors. That's right. We're here today to talk to you as creative geniuses who are being ripped off by the little man.
Grif: Right, w- wait, what?
Church: As all of you are no doubt aware, Red Vs. Blue is the single most popular thing to ever be on the internet.
Grif: What about all the news sites?
Donut: Yeah, and the filthy filthy porn.
Church: That's irrelevant. The brain trust here at Red Vs. Blue have identified a disturbing trend. It turns out people have been pirating our very popular webseries, and downloading it on a daily basis
Grif: Yeah, that's because we make it available for free online.
A graph charting DVD sales appears next to Church.
Church: As you can see from this graph that I have very carefully prepared, our DVD sales have been lack-luster at best. And clearly, this is the result of the public's blatant disregard of our amazingly original intellectual property.
Grif: Or because we haven't made a DVD yet.
Donut: Dude, don't taunt him. He has a graph!
Church: It's unfortunate, but to protect ourselves from the catastrophic consequences of this global publicity machine known as the internet, we are now forced to take action. Sarge?
Sarge: Hereto forthwith, starting next week, RedvsBlue.com, hereafter referred to as "us," will begin suing every person to have ever visited the Red Vs. Blue website, hereafter referred to as "you dirty scumbags!" We expect an average judgment of forty-five million dollars per case. Vow this day in to the grounds of ergo post proctor hoctor, vis-a-vis telemundo.
Church: Keep in mind, this is not an attempt to make money. But rather, a way for the creators of Red Vs. Blue to protect themselves, and the literally dozens of fans that we have, all over the world.
Grif: Forty-five million dollars per person? You guys are idiots!
Sarge: Ipso, fatso. May it please the court, I have prepared a second graph to address Grif's argument.
A graph appears next to Sarge labeled "My Foot, Grif's Ass."
Grif: Why is Sarge our legal council?
Church: Because he has his finger on the pulse of the American Legal System. He went to Stenographer's School.
Sarge: Objection! It was Nursing Assistant's School.
Church: Ah, close enough. Listen, we don't have to prove anything. They're the ones that are stealing stuff.
Grif: But it's online, for free.
Church: Right! Which is why we're suing them!
Grif: But we put it on there! We put the videos online, for free, to promote the DVD.
Church: Exactly, which is why we're suing you as well.
Donut: Say what?
Church: Yeah, you too Donut! (turns to Sarge) Hey, you want some too pal?
Sarge: I'd like to see you in chambers...
Church: Look, I know most of our audience members probably don't have forty-five million dollars. So we're willing to settle out of court. You can either send us everyone in your family's personal information, like social security numbers, drivers license numbers, birthdates, stuff like that. Or, you can just find your mom's purse, and send it directly to us. If you're not sure what it looks like, here's a picture of Donut's purse.
A picture of a purse appears next to Church. Everyone looks at Donut
Donut: What? I need a place to keep my lotions.
- Donut reveals his full name to be Franklin Delano Donut.
- Church also reveals his name to be Leonard Church.
- The title is a pun of the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America).