Rehashed

Rehashed is the first PSA of Red vs. Blue: Season 13, focusing on remaking a few classic Red vs. Blue PSAs.

Characters[]

Synopsis[]

Sarge and Simmons are ready to take PSAs to the next level! Rebooted with better EVERYTHING for modern audiences!

Transcript[]

Cut to Simmons and Sarge standing next to each other.

Simmons: Hi I'm Captain Dick Simmons from the popular web series, Red vs Blue.

Sarge: And I'm Sarge from the same show.

Simmons: In this day and age people are constantly looking for new and exciting types of movies and TV shows.

Sarge: And by new and exiting, we of course mean remakes and reboots.

Simmons: Studies show that audiences don't want to see original ideas but instead rehashes of their favorate properties. People don't want to take risks on entertainment they want to go into something knowing their going to like it. Because they've seen it before; several times.

Sarge: So we here at Red Base Entertainment Productions Limited, have decided to remake our most popular PSA's to update them for the times.

Simmons: And by update, we mean new young actors in gratuitous amounts of CG.

Sarge: So without further ado, the all new, Red vs Blue PSA's!

Go Go Gadget. 2.0.

Cut to Simmons and Sarge in a dark room with a generator behind them.

Simmons:(roboticly) Greetings, I am Simmons from the popular web series Red vs Blue.

Sarge: And I'm Sarge from the same show. My robot friend and I are here to talk to you about a very important topic; Gadgets.

Simmons:(roboticly) The question on everyone's mind; begin inquiry, what do I do with my obsolete devices? End inquiry.

Sarge: Great inquiry! The answer; Nothing. We've perfected technology to the point where nothing becomes obsolete, ever! Because we're in the futurrreee!

Grif runs in.

Grif: Hey who has my 3D printed sandwich!? Hoho, when I find out I'm gonna 3D print my foot right up their ass!

Church: (voice only) Wait, what!?

Cut back to Valhalla.

Church: That doesn't make any sense! That PSA was about outdated technology. If you set the PSA in the future, then the whole thing stops working! And why was Simmons a robot? I mean, even more than like usual.

Simmons: Uh duh, because it's way more exciting. Plus if I'm a robot I can turn off emotions like sadness and loneliness. Uhh y-you know just as an example.

Sarge: Hold on there partner, before you get your panties in a twist why don't you take a look at this next video. We can really demonstrate what we're trying to do here.

Church: (sighs) Fine.

Lets All Go to the Movies 2.0

Cut to Grif and Sarge standing next to each other.

Grif: Hi, I'm private Grif from the popular web series, Red vs. Blue.

Sarge: And I'm Church sar-er Sarge from the same show.

Grif: Sarge, don't you just hate it when you spend your hard earned money on a movie ticket, just to watch 3 hours of shitty plots and loud gunfire and giant explosions.

Sarge: No.

Grif: (Cut to Grif holding a rocket launcher) Right me neither.

(Grif shoots rocket launcher at the ground.)

Cut back to Valhalla.

Church: What!? Sarge, all you did was force your agenda on it again. There was no message. Plus wasn't that one originally me and Grif? Did you cut me out?

Sarge: Her, uh could we uh, sidebar for a sec there Church?

Church: Sidebar- yeah whatever sure.

Church walks away. Sarge runs after him.

Sarge: Look it's nothing personal, it's just about your person. We thought the audience want to see a, you know younger star. Add a little sex appeal.

Church: Oh fuck you I'm not even that old! Wait a minute I don't even have an age, I'm an AI!

Sarge: Huh, you woulda been great casting in the first PSA.

Church: Besides how old are you? You must be like-

Sarge: Twenty-nine.

Church: What!

Sarge: I am twenty-nine years old.

Church: Sarge there is no way that you are twenty-nine. We've met twelve years ago are you trying to tell that you were-

Sarge: Seventeen. Yes.

Immediate silence

Sarge: Okay you got me.

Church: Thank you.

Sarge: I'm twenty-two.

Church: Stop! None of this matters anyway. You guys are changing the stories so much, your losing all the original meaning.

Sarge: Huh you know what blue, never thought I'd say this, but I think I finally see what you're sayin'. If you can just hang in there for one more example, I think you'll really understand just where we're coming from.

Church: Alright just do it.

Zombie Plan 2.0

Cuts to Church walking slowly

Church: (moaning) Braiiiiins.

Sarge shoots him in the back.

Sarge: You just got zombie planned.

Cuts back to Valhalla

Church: (angrily) Alright I'm done. I'M DONE!

Church runs off

Sarge: Aw come on where're you goin'? Your going to miss the trailer for "Sarge 2 Sarge harder." It's a sequel and a remake at the same time. It'll be groundbreaking!

Simmons: Uh I don't think he's buying it sir.

Sarge: Hur, there's got to be a way to fix this. Ha I got it! Simmons, que the lights.

Rehashed 2.0

Cut to Church and Sarge standing next to each other

Sarge: Hi I'm Sarge from the popular web series Red vs Blue.

Church: And I'm Church from the same show. You know Sarge I just have to say you are just one of the most intelligent people I've ever met. And tarnation if you aren't just the best looking guy in this side of the galaxy.

Sarge: Why thank you. Yes yes I am. Heh heh, those dirty blues.