Red VS Blue is a special crossover episode of Red vs. Blue and Rooster Teeth's Death Battle. This episode was written by Joshua Kazemi and the animation director was Torrian Crawford. A sneak peek of the episode was shown during the 204th episode of DEATH BATTLE Cast on November 11, 2020. It was released November 15, 2020 for FIRST members and November 16, 2020 for the general public. It is the 136th episode of Death Battle.
Characters[]
Red Team[]
Blue Team[]
Other[]
Plot[]
A 17 year long rivalry comes to an end! Every wonder why we're here?
Transcript[]
(We cut to Wiz and Boomstick)
Boomstick: Edison versus Tesla, Coke versus Pepsi, Goku versus Superman...
Wiz: Few rivalries have lasted nearly two decades or spawned epic battles like our second favorite web series, Red vs. Blue.
Boomstick: With the Red Team, even though most of them don't actually wear red.
Wiz: And the Blue Team, their perpetual ocean-colored rivals.
(We cut to Wiz and Boomstick)
Wiz: For this battle, we'll be bringing these two groups back to where it all started.
Boomstick: To find out what would've happened if they had stopped dickin' around and actually just fought for real.
Wiz: Just to note, we will be locking any artificial intelligence characters within their primary bodies, since they're generally invincible unless they stumble into an EMP.
Boomstick: You mean an emp.
Wiz: What?
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
(Death Battle starts with the Reds' analysis)
Simmons: Hey.
Grif: Yeah?
Simmons: You ever wonder why we're here?
Wiz: Not long from now in a galaxy theoretically exactly where we are, humanity goes to war with an alien covenant.
Boomstick: So the United Nations Space Command came up with a ton of plans to win. And one of those was called "Project Freelancer".
Wiz: Essentially an experiment using AI to create invincible super soldiers. In order to fabricate scenarios to train these highly advanced warriors, Freelancer opted for a, uh... unique approach.
Boomstick: Dumpin' a bunch of losers in a box canyon and tellin' them they're at war with each other!
Wiz: Enter the Red Team: Dick Simmons, Dexter Grif, Franklin Delano Donut, Lopez the Heavy, and their leader, Super Colonel Sarge. Yes, that is his full name and rank.
Boomstick: You know how they say "prejudice is taught, not born"? Well, they haven't met Super Colonel Sarge, who I bet was screaming how much he hates blue the second he popped into the world.
Sarge: Attention, Blue Team! This is the Red Team! We are here to destroy you! Your long reign of being the shittiest team around is about to come to a sudden and cataclysmic end!
Wiz: Once an orbital drop shot trooper, Sarge was unfortunately discharged after developing a fear of heights, only to be picked up by Project Freelancer to achieve his dream.
Boomstick: Lead the glorious Reds against the dirty Blues. Ah man, he's great. He seems like the kind of guy you could just have a catch with.
Wiz: Uh, sure. Sarge may be an unorthodox leader, but he knows his men very well.
Boomstick: Hey, he's good enough to keep dorks like Grif and Simmons around for seventeen seasons. And those two spend a lot of time together.
Wiz: It's a complicated relationship. Though you may be surprised at their capabilities. Simmons may be a brilliant geek like myself, but he proves stereotypes wrong by changing his armored suit in just four seconds.
Simmons: Well, how about this?
Grif: How did you change so fast?
Simmons: I've always been a fast changer.
Wiz: Mjolnir armor is designed to be applied by Spartans within a considerable few minutes. This would imply Simmons is ninety times faster than the average super soldier. He's also technically a cyborg, but everyone forgets that these days.
Boomstick: Meanwhile, Grif is the laziest member of the team who only cares about pizza and Oreos. He's my favorite. He's also been hit in the nuts more times than I can count, and he's still standin' today! That's some balls of steel right there.
Popup: While Grif did not require the "Grif Shot" until after defeating the Meta, we will be including all equipment and experience all characters have cultivated throughout all of Red VS Blue.
Wiz: Then there's Donut, easily duped but always a joy. He's clearly identifiable by his lightish-red armor.
Boomstick: Wiz, are your eyes goin' bad? That's pink.
Wiz: Eh, magenta. Donut has shown incredible tenacity. He was once shot through the chest, causing his armor to lock up, and was left bleeding out on the ground for over a year, but he got better.
Boomstick: And he's got the best throwin' arm around! He threw a grenade halfway across the canyon.
Wiz: Which is over fifteen hundred feet long!
Boomstick: And last of all is the team robot who hates everyone, Lopez!
Lopez: Hola. (Hello.)
Everyone: Lopez!
Simmons: That robot looks like Lopez!
Lopez: He regresado. (I have returned.)
Boomstick: Ah, no matter how many times they rebuild him, they can never figure out how to fix that language setting. Oh well.
Wiz: The Reds carry a standard Spartan assortment of magnums, battle rifles, and SMGs.
(We cut to Wiz and Boomstick)
Boomstick: But if I had to pick one weapon of the bunch, I'd have to go with Sarge's trusty shotgun.
Wiz: Seriously? The weapon with the shortest range?
Boomstick: Wiz, how long have we known each other? Have you never looked at my leg before? Besides, an effective range of 45 meters is almost the length of an Olympic swimming pool. Watch your back, Michael Phelps, I know how to beat you now.
Wiz: Of course we can't forget their hallmark vehicle, the warthog.
Simmons: You mean the puma?
Boomstick: AKA "Chupa-thingy". This three-ton supercar tops out at 78 miles per hour and is heavily armored.
Wiz: Well, it's supposed to be. Somehow the Reds always find new ways to break the thing.
Boomstick: Lucky that Sarge is a good mechanic, and you know what they say Wiz: good mechanics make for great fathers.
Wiz: But what I find most baffling is that for some reason these lowlife dimwits have been given the most state-of-the-art Space Marine armor in the galaxy.
Boomstick: Oh yeah, the Mark VI M-Joel-Nir suit.
Wiz: Mjolnir.
Boomstick: Gesundheit. Titanium plating, energy shielding, hydrostatic gel, liquid metal crystal! These babies can take one hell of a beating!
Wiz: Apparently strong enough to withstand the blast of a 50 megaton bomb.
Boomstick: Hehe. Gotta love it when a bomb goes off that is so big, you think it sent you to the future. Good times.
Wiz: But when push comes to shove, the Reds banded together to take down one of the deadliest warriors in the galaxy, The Meta. Despite all logic and reason, the two pillars I hold most dear, I am forced to admit, these morons have proven to be a mind bogglingly impressive team.
Sarge: I'm not ordering you to go. I'm not even askin'. You do what you gotta do, Private Grif.
Grif: (Sighs) I'll go get my car keys.
Sarge: Ah, alright then. Let's move!
(Cut back to Wiz and Boomstick)
Boomstick: The Blues. They're not just a great way to sing out all those complicated, messed-up feelings you keep down about being fatherless. They're the second half of this epic. But, y'know, singin' blues would be perfect for this team. They've been through a lot.
Wiz: Maybe true. Unlike the Reds, they've suffered numerous casualties and are constantly plagued by Project Freelancer's experiments.
Boomstick: You know how they were experimenting with A.I.? They could only get one, an Alpha based on the project's director. Shit went down and they had to hide the Alpha where nobody would ever find it.
Wiz: Apparently, this box canyon in the middle of nowhere seemed the perfect fit.
Boomstick: This is Blue Team: Leonard Church, Lavernius Tucker, Agent Texas, Sheila, who is a living tank, and Caboose.
Wiz: After losing their original captain to a... deadly allergy incident, Church reluctantly stepped up to be the Blue Team's unofficial leader.
Boomstick: Spoiler alert: He's the secret Alpha A.I.. I don't know what makes him so special though. He's a cranky asshole who's terrible at literally everything he does. He doesn't even know he's an A.I.. He thinks he's a gho-o-ost.
Wiz: But remember that fifty megaton bomb? Church's team all survived it too, including himself, while it was inside his own body.
Church: What the hell?
Wiz: Tucker wants you to think he's a ladies man. However, after careful pain-staking analysis, we have determined that he has very little... gain. Being that his most frequent hookup is a rock.
Boomstick: He's kind of a badass though. He stabbed The Meta, shoryuken'd a cyclops in the balls, and held off a small army of mercenaries by himself. He even wields a kick-ass energy sword that only works for him.
Popup: While Tucker did not acquire the energy sword until later in his career, we will be including all gear & experience all characters have cultivated throughout all of Red vs Blue.
Wiz: But for the biggest badass of the bunch, look no further than Agent Texas. Tex is an anomaly. She's not really a Blue, but a Freelancer assigned to the team through circumstance. Yet, she's also not really a Freelancer, but a robot duplicate hosting an artificial intelligence fragment split from the Alpha as a clone of the Director's late wife, Allison.
Boomstick: Yeah duh, guys. How'd you not see that comin' from when the show started?
Wiz: Unfortunately, the Tex fragment is specifically based on the memory of Allison's death and the concept of failure. This means that Tex is literally programmed to fail. Now, this doesn't mean she can't win fights or that her team can't succeed on missions, it's more of a personal defect.
Boomstick: It sure hasn't stopped her from kickin' some serious ass. Tex was number one on the Freelancer leaderboard, easily caught this giant crate, and could even flip over Sheila! You know, the sixty-six ton tank with a mind of its own? The perfect companion for Caboose's team-killing sprees.
(We cut to Wiz and Boomstick)
Boomstick: You all know Caboose? The funny fan favorite who can get you to quote everything he says. And he's really, really, really, really, really, really dumb. Speaking of dummy-
(DUMMI emerges)
DUMMI: What else is new?
Wiz: Perfect timing. As this battle will be in Blood Gulch, the usual teleportation unit will be in place. The Blue Team have used these units frequently with... varying results. In you go.
DUMMI: Certainly. What could go wrong?
Wiz: (Pushes DUMMI in the teleporter) Teleportation is spontaneous, as you can see...
(A few seconds of total silence prevails as Wiz looks puzzled and Boomstick stares at Wiz with doubt.)
Boomstick: You totally killed him didn't you?
Wiz: Probably.
Boomstick: Well, aside from Tucker's kickass lightsaber, the Blues carry pretty boring weapons. I mean, they don't really need much with a robot ninja on their side. Church does have a cool sniper rifle, but he really sucks with it.
Wiz: Which sort of makes sense. Unlike everyone else, Church never experienced any training or combat before Blood Gulch.
Boomstick: You know, that explains a lot.
Wiz: Even without specialized weapons blue team has a few aces up their sleeves, Agent Texas even carries an additional AI fragment: Omega.
Boomstick: I prefer O'Malley.
Wiz: The fragment of the Alpha's rage, with it she can use extra enhancement gear such as a cloaking device. Tt also affects her personality quite literally transforming her into a vicious killing machine.
Boomstick: It can also pop out of her head and possess other people like a ghoost, but remember we're locking AIs to their bodies because that is super overpowered.
Wiz: Even though Tex has shown incredible feats of strength, Caboose is surprisingly even stronger. In a robot body, identical to the one she used to flip Sheila, Tex was unable to lift Andy the bomb while Caboose could do so for extended periods of time.
Boomstick: And after entering an alien temple, Santa, don't question it, increase gravity by tenfold and Caboose didn't even notice. I remember a certain Saiyan struggling to do something like that. I mean, I guess this means Caboose is better than Goku.
Wiz: Stop it. Don't you dare open those floodgates.
Boomstick: I'm kidding, you idiot. Still, Caboose was strong enough to defeat a bunch of Tex clones all at once. It's like they say, it's god's way of compensating.
Wiz: Unfortunately, the Blue team has a tendency to get in way over their heads often losing team members in the process.
Boomstick: But, somehow, someway, they always come back together. They're a good team in a weird stupid way.
Church: Sheila shut him up.
(Sheila fires a shot.)
Simmons: Son of a b*tch!
(After an advertisement, the Death Battle begins.)
The scene opens on the Blue Team's stronghold with Tucker and Tex standing on the top parts while Caboose and Church are on the ground, their team flag pitched between them. It's here where Church asks the obvious question.
Church: Okay, why did we bring the flag out here?
Caboose: Because it is supposed to rain today. You have to remember to take your flag outside when it rains.
Church: None of that is right.
Listening in on the conversation, Tucker gives his input.
Tucker: What's a flag got to do with rain? Wait, do you think the flag is an umbrella? Caboose, have you seen an umbrella before?
(Blood Gulch Bedlam - Therewolf Media begins playing)
Suddenly, a Warthog attack vehicle leaps over a hill carrying the rival Red Team consisting of Sarge, Grif and Simmons. They speed past their mortal enemies, grabbing the flag.
Grif: Yoink!
Sarge: Whoo, hah hah! Suck on that, blue!
Simmons: Yeah, suck it blue!
At the Warthog's artillery, Simmons opens fire, forcing the Blues to scatter out of harm's way.
Tucker: This'll stop 'em!
Tucker throws a grenade into an active teleporter before Church points out the flaw in such an act.
Church: Hey, dumbass! The teleporter never worked! Now c'mon, let's... wait, where's Caboose?
While the Blues ponder the whereabouts of their teammate, the Reds speed on with Sarge congratulating his troops.
Sarge: Great work for that fake weather report, boys! That's the kinda fake news I like!
However, Grif is confused by Sarge's words.
Grif: What fake weather report?
A sudden explosive hit rocks the vehicle, forcing it to stop. A larger, heavier war machine appears over the horizon. It is Sheila, the Blues' sentient tank. Caboose's voice can be heard, indicating he is piloting her.
Caboose: Let's go, Sheila! The only good red is a red in bed!
The tank's turret aims steadily at the Reds and fires, though only knocking them to the side. The commander in red barks an order to his driver.
Sarge: Grif, quit your staring and get to stepping! On the gas, pronto!
Grif: Uh, yeah. I know.
Grif accelerates and steers the Reds' vehicle out of the line of fire while Simmons returns fire. However, Sheila seems to have difficulty maneuvering around the large rocks next to the road.
Caboose: Sheila, look out for that rock! Oh no, there's another one! Who put all these rocks down here?!
Once she is on steady turf again, she opens more tank rounds on the Reds as they steer uncontrollably in her path.
Simmons: Watch out!
The bombardment continues shaking up the Warthog without injuries.
Sarge: In those caves, men! We'll have to hit them from behind, just like John Wayne would've done.
Grif: No way, those caves are a maze.
Sarge unkindly boots Grif out of the driving seat and takes over.
Sarge: Move over, numbnuts!
The remaining passengers head towards the mouth of a cave at the side of the canyon. The laziest Red is now alone and vulnerable out in the open before running towards the cave with the Grif Shot in hand.
Grif: Hey, don't leave me out here!
Inside the cave, Sarge shares with Simmons his new strategy.
Sarge: Simmons, here's the plan, we're going to use the Warthog as a battering ram! Striking their rear engine, which will rupture and cause the tank to self-destruct in a glorious explosion!
Simmons: Excellent plan, sir! Except for, well, all of it.
The warthog reaches an opening and speeds off a cliff at the edge of the canyon, flipping in mid-air. The Reds hang on for dear life.
Sarge: Yeehaw! That's a bigger cliff than I thought! Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Unfortunately for the Reds, Sheila is waiting under the cliff, turret aimed at them. One shell is fired, quickly destroying the warthog while Sarge and Simmons fell back on the ground as Grif reunites with his teammates. Sarge manages to get up. However, Simmons isn't moving.
Grif: Jesus, what was that?
The laziest member of Red Team turns towards Sarge before noticing his maroon partner on the ground, mortally wounded.
Grif: Where's... Simmons? Simmons?
Simmons looks up at Grif, gurgling incomprehensible words, before he finally dies, much to Grif's grief.
Grif: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Sheila rolls up towards Sarge as Grif joins his commanding officer before a blue coloured orb soars past the pair and sticks to the hood of Blue Team's Tank.
Caboose: Oh no. A spider!
Caboose panics as he exits Sheila before the plasma grenade blows up the tank. Sarge and Grif turn around to see their two other teammates, Donut and Lopez approach.
Donut: YEAH! Who else wants to taste the big D?
Tucker: Bow-chicka-bow-wow!
The remaining Reds and Blues all gather up into a standoff, with Blue Team's flag standing between them.
Tucker: No judging.
Church: End of the line, Reds.
Sarge: Dirty Blue. for the first time in history, you're exactly right: today is a good day to die! CHAAAAARGE!
The simulation troopers all charge at one another as they all engage each other with Sarge trying to gun down Church until Tex intervenes, keeping the Super Colonel preoccupied in close combat while the Alpha AI focuses his attention on the lightish-red grenadier instead as he and Donut run, exchange bullets. Caboose looks at the fights before jumping behind a large rock. Focus returns to Tex and Sarge as the freelancer and simulation trooper grapple with one another. Lopez attempts to assist, only to be interrupted by Grif as the orange slacker rushes at the Beta AI with the Grif Shot, attempting to slice her up with the grenade launcher's blade before Tex separates it from its owner. Grif gasps in horror and holds his hands up in surrender when he sees where Tex is looking while rearing her fist. She proceeds to punch him in the groin before tossing him over Lopez as the Spanish robot aims at Tex before focusing on his creator instead.
Tucker: Not today, robotto!
Lopez is quick to dodge a swing from Tucker's Great Key before the aqua swordsman and robot exchange attacks. Lopez avoids slashes while Tucker dodges gunfire. Tucker kicks Lopez away before the android discards his rifle and puts up his fists. Tucker lunges at Lopez before Lopez avoids the stab while quickly turning the tables on Tucker.
Tucker: Swish!
Lopez: Idiota. (Idiot.)
Lopez: No tienes la oportunidad contra mi. (You don't stand a chance against me.)
Tucker: Swish!
Lopez quickly catches Tucker's arm as the android proceeds to punch the vulnerable simulation trooper repeatedly.
Lopez: Porque yo soy el Lopez el Pesado. (For I am Lopez the Heavy.)
Tucker blocks an incoming swing with his free arm before deactivating the Great Key and dropping it into his other hand. Tucker reactivates the energy sword, impaling Lopez in the chest before Tucker pulls the blade out.
Tucker: Stab!
The motor functions in his body badly damaged, if not destroyed, Lopez is rendered immobile. Falling to his knees, he simply utters one word in Spanish.
Lopez: Mierda. (Fuck.)
Tucker decapitates the android, eliminating him from the fight. Focus returns once more as Sarge and Tex exchange blows once again.
Sarge: I never hit a lady. Good thing you're no lady!
Tex shortly manages to separate the Super Colonel from his beloved shotgun and knocks him to the ground. The Beta AI attempts to execute Sarge before Grif tackles the Freelancer away as they exchange blows. Unfortunately for the orange soldier, Tex swiftly proves herself his superior as she kicks him in the groin again, setting Grif up to have his neck snapped by Tex when he hunches over in pain. Meanwhile, his commanding officer is nonplussed and states his opinion of Grif's death.
Sarge: Huh, 'bout time.
Tex shows up behind Sarge and punches him as Lopez's still functioning head gives a late warning.
Lopez: Estar atento. (Look out behind you.)
Focus shifts once again to Church and Caboose as the Blue Team's leader aims his sniper rifle at Donut.
Caboose: Church, how do I help?
Church: Just stay there, Caboose.
Church fires a shot that misses the lightish-red soldier before Donut tauntingly dances as Church misses every subsequent shot before throwing a grenade at the two Blues.
Caboose: I want to help!
Church: Help by not helping!
In anger, Church throws his sniper rifle on the ground and switches to his magnum instead.
Church: Goddamn it! This rifle is busted!
Unfortunately for the cobalt sniper, Caboose proceeds to pick up the sniper rifle while ignoring Church's prior rebuttals for help.
Caboose: Help has arrived.
Church: Caboose! NO!
Church is too late as Caboose fires the sniper rifle, the round hitting Tex's head as her lifeless body falls to the ground.
Church: TEX! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Naturally, Caboose uses his go-to excuse in an attempt to deflect blame.
Caboose: Tucker did it.
The bullet, still moving, ricochets off Red base and a few rock formations as Church and Caboose keep track before the bullet hits Donut in the head and continues to end Tucker's life as well, (Tucker: CABOOSE!) until the bullet whizzes over Sarge's head. Realizing what is about to happen, Church grumbles one last profanity.
Church: Son of a bi-
Church's last words are cut short as Caboose's bullet ends his leader's life once again, leaving Caboose and Sarge as the only remaining combatants. The two turn to look at each other, the Red commander slowly walking towards his final adversary.
Sarge: This is it. This is what it's all about. Red vs Blue. Blood vs water, which is really just lifeless, tasteless, wasteless space blood. Destiny awaits! Today, the cerulean devil dies!
A teleporter opens up as it spits out the grenade Tucker threw at the start of the battle, right at Sarge's feet. Sarge stops to look down at the grenade, before looking back at Caboose.
Sarge: Well, should've seen that coming.
The grenade goes off as it blasts Sarge back as the Super Colonel's life ends.
Sarge: Blegh.
Caboose is left as the victor and sole survivor before the rain he spoke about prior to the battle starts to fall on Blood Gulch.
Caboose: Good thing the flag is out.
KO!
(We cut to Wiz and Boomstick)
Boomstick: What a battle! Who knew weather was so important?
Wiz: As chaotic as the show we all know.
Boomstick: Okay, so the Reds had plenty goin' for 'em. They had brains and speed on their side with Simmons, and they had some epic firepower, but the Blue Team had the grit to overpower 'em.
Wiz: When it comes to physical strength, nobody on the Red Team came close to the raw power of Tex and Caboose.
Boomstick: Flippin' Sheila and lifting Andy made that pretty clear. Hell, Sarge even tried to lift Andy once and he couldn't do it. Poor guy. Even with such charisma, leadership qualities and big dad energy, you can't win 'em all.
Wiz: Speaking of which, it could be argued that Sarge has more extensive military experience than anyone else. However, Tex's Freelancer training was far more intensive than standard military issue.
Boomstick: Just look at what she did to the Reds before. She's a monster!
Wiz: Not to mention she technically had two lifetimes of training, being a copy of Allison and all.
Boomstick: Yeah, her lame programming meant she couldn't win the fight by herself, but her blue teammates picked up the slack. Tucker even got some Freelancer training in too thanks to Agent Washington, and could hold off a platoon of mercs all by himself.
Wiz: No one ever said he wasn't good at solo activities.
Boomstick: Oh, and in the fight between tanks versus cars, tanks generally win. I mean... that one's pretty obvious.
(We cut to Wiz and Boomstick)
Wiz: The Red Team may have been extremely resilient, mostly thanks to aggravating stubbornness, but it wasn't enough to survive the stellar skill and the brute force of Blue Team.
Boomstick: Ah, if only they could've "Red" that they'd end up with the case of the Blues.
(DUMMI then appears from the teleporter.)
DUMMI: That's even without releasing the obviously superior power of artificial intelligence units.
Boomstick: Y'know, DUMMI, ya ever wonder why YOU'RE here?
DUMMI: All the time.
Wiz: The winner is the Blue Team.
Gallery[]
Trivia[]
- This episode of Death Battle was originally set to release on October 18, 2020 for FIRST members and October 19, 2020 for the general public, but was delayed due to the delay of Red vs. Blue: Zero.
- This is the second episode of Death Battle to focus around the characters of Red vs. Blue, the first being Meta vs. Carolina: Dawn of Awesome.
- This is the first time Caboose has been voiced by Michael Malconian, taking over the role from original voice actor Joel Heyman.
- According to Joel, he had been offered the part three times but had not seen them until after the fact, though this is unconfirmed by Rooster Teeth.
- While Tex and Sheila appear physically, neither have any lines of dialogue.
- For the first time Lopez refers to himself as the masculine El Pesado rather than feminine La Pesado as he had done in the actual series.
- This episode was conceived due to the Reds and Blues not appearing in Zero.
- This episode contains many references to the first 17 seasons of Red vs. Blue, including:
- Grif being hit in the groin.
- Caboose’s team killing.
- Sarge’s quote, “Today is a good day to die!”.
- The teleporter’s questionable traits.
- The track played during the battle is Blood Gulch Bedlam. The song was performed by Therewolf Media.
- This is the last episode overall to feature series creator Burnie Burns as the voice of Lopez, as Eddy Rivas would take over the role beginning with Special Guestmas, an episode of Family Shatters.
- This is also the final episode to have Burns involved as an executive producer.
- While Blue Team is declared the winner, technically it's a draw as Lopez is shown to have survived his encounter with Tucker moments prior to Sarge's death.
External inks[]
Videos[]
Trailers[]
Episode[]
