|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|Airdate||July 18, 2011|
Characters[edit | edit source]
Plot[edit | edit source]
In Blood Gulch, Church is seen limping back to Blue Base. Caboose is standing at the door and greets Church, but Church expresses his anger at the fact that Caboose and Tucker did not help him with the Reds. As Church continues to quarrel with his teammates, Caboose tells everyone that he called Command, which excites Church, believing it to be Tex. He then gets upset because nobody should arrive until he dies, to which Tucker states that they thought he was dead. Church asks Caboose if he knows who Command is sending, but the latter says no.
Meanwhile, at Red Base, Simmons goes looking for Grif, who stops him. Simmons tells Grif that Sarge wanted Grif to relax, but Grif seems unaware to what the word 'relax' means or how to do it. As Donut comes out crying, Simmons tells him that Sarge needs his help building a robot that Command sent. Donut says he's not feeling up to it and runs back into his room tracking mud on the floor. Simmons looks at Grif expecting him to freak out but Grif does no such action.
In the past, aboard the Mother of Invention control room, the Director explains to Freelancers South, North, and Carolina about the data chip. He reveals that it contained coordinates to a major target for Project Freelancer, and proceeds to change the leaderboard; placing North in 4th place and South in 5th place. South angrily takes off her helmet and tells the Director she thought the mission was a success. The Director, in return, tells South that because of her lack of stealth, a mission objective, she made their next mission more difficult. He dismisses them and South walks away angrily, punching a door control on her way out. Carolina asks North if she should speak to her, to which North suggests to give her a minute.
Transcript[edit | edit source]
Camera pans to show Epsilon-Church limping his way to Blue Base with Caboose standing at the entrance
Church: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Caboose: Church, you're home! Welcome back.
Church: Yeah, yeah, thanks for helping me while the Red's just shoot me in the goddamn foot.
Caboose: Yeah, well you told us to stay on the cliff and I did...Yeah that was helping.
Church: Oh really? Then why aren't you on the cliff right now?
Caboose: Oh I thought the helping part was over.
Church: Ow, ow, ow, assholes, ow.
Tucker emerges at the top of the base
Tucker: You're back already?
Church: What do you mean already? It took me half an hour to limp across this goddamn canyon.
Tucker: Yeah, but we thought they were going to kill you, I expected you back never so in my mind you're early.
Church: Shut up.
Caboose: He is right about the two different times.
Church: You shut up too.
Caboose: "Alright, now the helping part is definitely over!" (Walks into the base)
Church: Damn it. This is exactly what I get for trying to fix things.
Tucker: What are you fixing?
Church: Everything. Us. The Reds. Trying to make things the way they're supposed to be. (groans sharply) My foot!
Tucker: Are you okay?
Church: Am I okay? Do I look okay? Do I sound okay?
Tucker: I don't know you're wearing full body armor and bleeding. That means you're either dying or just whining.
Church: Well I'm hurt alright.
Tucker: Do you want me to call Command? Have them send a medic?
Church: No! No medic, I'm not hurt that bad, besides those guys are just...bad luck.
Caboose: (Walks out of Blue Base) I already called Command.
Church: You did?
Tucker: Caboose you're not allowed to use the radio.
Caboose: Right. Unless it is an emergency. And then I can use it to call Command. And also 800 numbers I see on TV. Because those are free to call.
Church: 800 numbers?
Tucker: Damn it Caboose what did you order this time?
Caboose: I promise you will not see anything show up here that I ordered, nothing at all. For at least six to eight weeks.
Tucker: Damn it.
Church: What the hell is he talking about?
Caboose: Well, you sound upset, you probably want some beef jerky. It'll be ready in six to eight weeks.
Tucker: You ordered a food dehydrator didn't you?
Caboose: Oh, you won't be so mad when we are storing twice as much ammo as we normally can.
Tucker: For the billionth time Caboose you can't dehydrate bullets.
Church: You actually order all those stupid gadgets that you see on TV?
Caboose: Maybe, sometimes, and that special forces person also.
Tucker: You idiot.
Church: Wait what did you just say?
Caboose: Oh, yes, yes they are sending someone to help us.
Church: Command is?
Caboose: Yes unless that's bad in which case I don't know what you are talking about.
Church: What? They aren't supposed to send anybody until after I die.
Tucker: We thought you were dead dude, you walked into Red Base.
Church: Caboose, did they say who they were sending?
Caboose: Uh, yes, they definitely did.
Church: Okay, do you remember who they-
Church: God damn it.
Cut to Red Base
Simmons: Hey Grif, Grif.
Grif: Stop right there Simmons.
Simmons: What, is it danger, the Blues?
Grif: No, you are not walking across my floor with those boots; I just mopped it.
Simmons: Grif, there's no time for this.
Grif: Time for what Simmons, a job well done? There's always time for that, I believe you know my motto.
Simmons: You don't have a motto.
Grif: That's right because there's always something more productive that I could be doing. Who has time to sit around and make up mottos when they could be buffing the floor.
Simmons: Well, I need to get through.
Grif: Sorry you're just going to have to wait five more minutes. It's not that long. Just do what I do, count to three. one hundred times.
Simmons: Why wouldn't I just count to three hundred?
Grif: Because doing things three times is fun, turning off light switches, locking the door, turning off light switches.
Simmons: You said turning off light switches twice.
Grif: You're right. I should probably say it a third time just to make sure no one I love dies, turning off light switches, there that feels better.
Simmons: Dude, you have issues.
Grif: I also have a clean floor which you can't walk on.
Simmons: But I need to get-
Grif: -Simmons, you know the rules and what happens when we abandon the rules? Everybody gets germs and dies.
Simmons: Oh, silly me. I forgot the reason I came in here. Sarge wants you to take a break Grif. You're on break right now.
Grif: A break. Um, I'm not familiar with the concept.
Simmons: Just stop working, relax.
Grif: Relax, hm yea right, and how exactly would I go about doing that, is there like a manual I could read or something?
Simmons: Just stop cleaning. Do nothing. What happened to Donut?
Grif: He's in reading that book he always reads.
Simmons: What book?
Grif: Don't know, I don't ask and he doesn't tell. Its got flowers on it.
Grif: And drawings of things like hearts, he likes to read it and cry.
Donut: (walks in) I'm not crying.
Simmons: Sarge needs your help Donut. We're building a robot using that robot building kit command sent us.
Donut: I'm not really feeling up to it today.
Simmons: That blue guy have you depressed? You're bothered by what he said aren't you?
Simmons: Why did you listen to him? I didn't even know you had feelings Donut.
Donut: Well I do, okay.
Simmons: Whatever come help us if you want, up to you.
Donut: Okay, I'll be out in a minute. I wanna get my head together. I need to clean my weapon. Maybe light a few candles.
Simmons: Uh, candles really not the best light source for field stripping a pistol.
Donut: Un, not everything is about function Simmons.
Simmons: What did I say!
Grif: Uh, what? Sorry I wasn't listening, I was kinda doing nothing.
Simmons: Looks like Donut got tracks all over your shiny floor Grif.
Grif: Oh well, I'm on break anyway right? Why should I give a fuck?" (Small tremor happens) "Whoa, that felt really really good to say that.
Simmons: What is wrong with everyone. Man, I hate when things change.
As Simmons' last words echo, the scene cuts to the UNSC Mother of Invention flying through space as the camera pans into the control room
Director: The data you recovered has pinpointed the location of a very important target for Project Freelancer. Excellent work.
South Dakota, North Dakota, and Carolina: Thank you, sir!
Director: Counselor, please update the board.
The Counselor uses his handheld pad to move North up to #4 on the board and South down to #5
Director: That is all. Dismissed.
South, in shock, rips off her helmet
South Dakota: I thought you said the mission was a success, Sir?
Director: One of the mission objectives was stealth. Your carelessness revealed our intention and made our next mission more difficult. They'll be ready for us. Dismissed.
South angrily walks to the door
Carolina: (to North) Think I should talk to her?
South punches the door control panel, causing it to break and fall off the wall after walking out of the room
North: Maybe we give her a minute.
Gallery[edit | edit source]
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- The title of the episode is likely a reference to the Reds beginning to restore their real world personalities (Grif becoming relaxed and careless, Donut beginning to show emotions, and Sarge beginning to give orders) and the board being updated; with North moving up to 4th place and South moving down to 5th place.
- Up until this episode, the suit lights on the Reds and Blues in the Halo: Reach engine were rapidly blinking, due to the shields being set to the bare minimum. Although this was resolved as of this episode, the first few scenes of Epsilon still feature the blinking lights.
- When Grif and Simmons are talking about Donut's diary, Grif says "I don't ask and he doesn't tell." This is a reference to the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" rule in the military.
- This episode marks the third time a character has taken off their helmet; in this case, South Dakota.
- At the moment South Dakota removes her helmet to argue with the Director, it is seen that she is holding it in her right hand, but as she leaves the room in anger and punches the door controls, the helmet switches to her left.