Nightmare on Planet Evil

Nightmare on Planet Evil
General Information
Season	15
Episode	7
Running time	10:51
Production
Aired	May 14, 2017 (FIRST members) May 21, 2017 (public)

Nightmare on Planet Evil is the seventh episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 15. It aired on May 14, 2017 for FIRST members and May 21, 2017 for the general public. It is the 310th episode overall.

Characters

Interstellar Daily

• Dylan Andrews
• Jax Jonez

Reds and Blues

• Caboose
• Tucker
• Sarge
• Simmons
• Donut
• Lopez
• Grif (Mentioned only)
• Church (Mentioned only)
• Junior (Mentioned only)

Blues and Reds

• Surge
• Temple
• Buckey
• Gene
• Lorenzo
• Loco

Others

• Spencer Porkensenson

Plot

The search for Church leads Dylan, Jax, and the Blood Gulch Crew to an abandoned city, where they find one of several experimental relays that have been bouncing Church's message around the galaxy. While Dylan traces the signal, the group split up to look around, despite Sarge's insomnia-prompted warnings of ghosts in the city, and Jax, Caboose, and Simmons recognizing it as a scenario for a horror movie.

Strange things start to happen: a mysterious voice calls for Tucker's name; Sarge's reflection does not move with him while he is not looking; Tucker sees some figures out of the corner of his eye that quickly disappears; and Simmons hears some whispers, which turns out to be from Caboose, who got scared. The two decide to search through the city together, where Simmons elaborates that the city was the scene of a huge massacre during the Human-Covenant War, which Caboose notes would make a lot of ghosts. Simmons denies the existence of ghosts, and that Grif would say that what happens after death is one of life's greatest mysteries. Caboose theorizes the people who died in the massacre did not come back as ghosts because no one cared about them, noting that Church kept coming back. Simmons denies that people come back even after you know them for years and years, whereupon Caboose realizes Simmons misses Grif.

After knocking out Jax, who was trying to reenact Evil Dead, Tucker chats with Dylan, who has found a trace location for the signal, a desert planet called "Armada 8." As Tucker calls off the search, he hears Caboose screaming. He, Jax, and Dylan come running to find Sarge, Simmons, and Caboose lying on the ground, with the FOTUS soldier standing above them. Tucker accuses him of killing his friends, but the soldier denies it: Sarge merely fell asleep, his insomnia finally catching up to him; Simmons fainted after seeing a snake; and Caboose is playing dead. He reiterates that he is there to serve Lavernius Tucker. Literally, as he is serving Tucker a class action lawsuit for child support to the various mothers he impregnated on Chorus after he activated the Temple of Procreation. He pleasantly bids the group and a horrified Tucker goodbye, noting his name is Spencer Porkensenson. The group leaves the planet, with Tucker depressingly declaring that Grif was right and they will never find anything.

Unbeknownst to them, the impostor Sarge (named Surge), the one seen in the reflection earlier, watches them from below. He contacts his leader (named Temple) on Armada 8, who instructs him to return to the rest of the group, noting he does not want him to miss the "party"...

Transcript

TUCKER is in the foreground, addressing the camera. He appears to be in a severely overgrown area.

Tucker: They say a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Grif wants to quit? Good riddance! I'm sick of carrying his fat ass anyway. Honestly, we could probably lose a few others while we're at it. Donut for starts. Simmons, Sarge, Lopez. Red Team. We're just being honest, right? I'm the team leader, I'm the one who matters!

SIMMONS, out-of-focus, emerges in the background.

Simmons: We found it!

Tucker: SIMMONS! DON'T INTERRUPT.

The camera zooms in on SIMMONS, bringing him into focus.

Simmons: I wasn't talking to you, Tucker! We found it, Miss Dylan: another relay!

DYLAN and JAX are revealed to be interviewing TUCKER.

Dylan: On our way!

Tucker: Are you sure you got all that? I could do it again! I'm always down for another round bow-chicka-bow-wow!

Dylan: (quickly) Nope, we got it. Enough takes. Thanks.

We cut to them inspecting the relay as LOPEZ, DONUT, and SARGE stand guard.

Dylan: Yeah, this is it.

Tucker: It's just like the others?

Dylan: More or less...I understand what it does, but not how it does it. This and the other relay beacons obviously have been bouncing Church's signal around until it was picked up by Chorus. But these components—I can't even tell what this is.

Tucker: (without skipping a beat) It's a Bop-It.

Dylan: A what?

Tucker: A Bop-It. Some dumb kids' toy. Caboose has one.

Caboose: Uh, had one. Yup, he was my friend, but I bopped him against a rock and now he's sleeping...in tiny pieces.

Dylan: Someone is building experimental technology out of kids' toys?

Simmons: Can you still do your trace thing with your AI?

Dylan: Yeah. Same as before. It'll take some time but I should be able to retrace the signal back a step.

Simmons: And in the meantime?

Tucker: We can take a look around for other clues.

Jax: OR...this place is pretty spooky. I think it would make a GREAT location for a horror movie! I got this one idea about a really fat zombie called Dead Weight...

Simmons: (laughing) Grif, you are perf—

He turns and remembers that Grif isn't with them.

Simmons: ...oh. Right...

Sarge is staring off into the distance.

Sarge: Quiet. (ominously) There's something out there.

Caboose: Is it Church?

Sarge: No. Something in the shadows...something... evil...

Tucker: Don't scare Caboose, Sarge! Everybody! Church may have left some clues behind, so while we wait for Dylan's AI to trace the signal, we're gonna take a look around.

Simmons: About that. I've been crunching some numbers and by my estimation, it's gonna take approximately seventeen days to search this entire urban area.

Tucker: So we split up and cover more ground.

Jax: Hey-ey! You already know your lines! (turns to Sarge) Now you say—

Sarge: (right on cue) DOOM! YOU'RE ALL DOOOOMED! This city...is haaauunteeed!

Caboose: What...?!

Tucker: Don't even listen to him, Caboose, he's just paranoid from not sleeping!

Sarge: Ungrateful...!

Simmons: (to Dylan) Sarge has been freaking out about you and Jax killing us in our sleep, so he's been staying up for days and days on watch. I think he's starting to lose it! What is this, Tucker? Day...

Tucker: It's Day 5.

Sarge: Sleep. Means. Death!

Jax: Eh, weak premise.

Tucker: Let's keep it together, guys! We split up, we look for clues, that's the plan!

Caboose: (stammering) Alright what if—what if we—what if we just stick together? Or, wait in the ship, isn't that way better?

Simmons: Yeah...I think I'm with Caboose, this place has bad juju.

Tucker: What're you worried about, Simmons? The virgin always lives in horror movies!

And then, a whisper. JAX notices it.

Mysterious voice: Lavernius Tucker...

Tucker: Knock it off, assholes! You're not scaring me.

An ominous shot of a skull. Simmons walks by it.

Simmons: Man, this sucks.

DONUT walks through a flooded and overgrown underpass.

Donut: Yoo-hoo! Hello? Anybody there?

SARGE cautiously walks down a dark hallway, shotgun ready, grumbling incoherently. Suddenly, something startles him.

Sarge: FREEZE!

He aims his gun at what appears to be his own reflection.

Sarge: (amused) Ah! Heh-heh...as you were, good-looking! Heh heh!

He leaves. BUT HIS REFLECTION DOESN'T. IT TURNS AND STARES AT THE VIEWER.

Simmons walks down another abandoned hallway.

Whisper: Simmons...

Simmons: Hello...?

Whisper: (louder) Simmons...

Simmons: Who's there...?

Whisper: Simmons...

Simmons: Who's there?!

Whisper: Simmons...Caboose: ...it's me!

CABOOSE is right behind SIMMONS, who jumps.

Simmons: AUGH! Oh god, Caboose! You scared the crap out of me!

Caboose: SORRY! I TRIED TO WHISPER TO YOU BUT YOU DIDN'T TURN AROUND SO I HAVE TO TALK LIKE THIS ALSO NOW!

Simmons: Okay, calm down, calm down Caboose! What are you doing here?

Caboose: OH! Well, I know Tucker said we should split up, but I was thinking maybe we split up together, you know, because it's scary!

Simmons: Yeah...okay!

SIMMONS and CABOOSE walk into a naturally-lit area, passing by what appears to be an old noodle shop.

Caboose: What was this place?

Simmons: It was a human settlement before the alien war. Horrible massacre. No survivors.

Caboose: That must have made so many ghosts!

Simmons: Well, scientifically speaking there's no such thing as ghosts.

Caboose: Then what—then what happens to you when you die?

Simmons: Well, we just don't know. Probably nothing. Grif would say it's just one of life's great mysteries.

Beat.

Caboose: You talk about Grif a lot.

Simmons: Wh—shut up, no I don't.

Caboose: What you said makes no sense! If people don't turn into ghosts when they die, how do they come back?

Simmons: (thinking about this) Mmm...you don't.

Caboose: Then maybe...no one cared about these people. So that's why they haven't come back.

Simmons: I... don't think caring is part of it at all, Caboose.

Caboose: Well, Simmons, here's what I've learned. We care about Church: he comes back, every time. That's how it works, then.

Simmons: I don't know, Caboose. That's an interesting theory, but I wouldn't put too much weight on it. Most times when you die, you die! It doesn't matter how much someone likes you, or how little, or how not at all, you know, even after being friends for years and years...

Caboose: You're thinking about Grif.

Simmons: No! I'm thinking about how what you said is wrong! Scientifically speaking!

Caboose: Here's your science, Simmons: Dead friend + love = Church.

Beat.

Simmons: That's...math...I guess?

Caboose: Alright, so wait...if you're not scared of ghosts, what are you so scared of?

Simmons: Nothing!...and snakes.

Caboose: ...snakes?

Simmons: Let me break it down for you, Caboose. This is a big city. So many places for snakes to hide. They could be everywhere all around us. Watching us... licking their snake lips...

Caboose: ...snakes.

Simmons: WHAT!? WHERE?!

Tucker walks down another hallway as more ominous music plays. Something runs by in the background. He notices and turns around.

Tucker: Huh? Who's there?

At the bottom of a ramp, there is a shadow, which disappears as Tucker walks by in the foreground. He runs back to see where it was.

Tucker: Stop it!

In a rapid shot straight out of the Evil Dead series, the camera zooms through the hallways of the abandoned city, and eventually heads straight for Tucker.

Just as it reaches him, Tucker whips out his arm and curtain slams it straight into Jax, knocking him to the ground.

Cut to Dylan at the relay.

Tucker: (on radio) Tucker to Dylan! Over!

Dylan: Find anything?

Tucker stands over Jax.

Tucker: Yeah... your cameraman just tried to spook me.

Dylan: (annoyed) ...is he still alive?

Jax: (like Ash Williams) Groovy...

Tucker: Unfortunately, yes. How's everything on your end?

Dylan: My AI just finished up its search. We were successful in tracing the signal back a step. We have the next location. A desert planet called Armada 8.

Tucker: Sounds like a shitty motel. Okay, I'm calling off the search. Let's all just meet up at the ship and get out of here!

TUCKER's radio suddenly plays static.

Caboose: (on radio) Ah, who are you?! Ah, you killed me!

Tucker: Caboose! What's going on?!

Tucker starts to run with Jax following behind.

Caboose: (still over radio) Ahhhhhh...! I am dead!

Tucker: (panicked) No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

Tucker and Jax come to a clearing where we see someone's leg standing on a ledge. Dylan runs up to them, then follows their gaze.

Standing above the bodies of Simmons, Sarge, and Caboose is the FOTUS Soldier from Blood Gulch and Sidewinder, followed by an eerie scream

FOTUS Soldier:  Are you Lavernius Tucker?

Ominous and overdone thunderclap.

Tucker: What did you do?!

Jax: Oh look, it's that guy.

Tucker: I'm going to kill you, you son of a bitch!

FOTUS Soldier: Lavernius Tucker...

Tucker: That's gonna to be the last fucking name you ever say!

TUCKER draws out his Great Key.

Tucker: Now come get some!

FOTUS Soldier: No violence. I am not here to fight.

Tucker: You should've thought of that before you hurt my friends!

Beat.

FOTUS Soldier I did not touch them.

Tucker: Yeah right, you expect me to believe you just found them like this!?

FOTUS Soldier: Yes, that is as it happened. That one, I found sleeping here.

Sure enough, Sarge is just sleep.

Sarge: (mumbling) ...get Lopez deported...

Simmmons is on the ground near a small snake.

FOTUS Soldier:  Then that one, saw a small snake and fainted.

The snake hisses.

FOTUS Soldier: Then, that one, I believe is... playing dead?

Caboose is still alive.

Caboose: Is the bad man gone yet?

FOTUS Soldier I did not come here to hurt anyone. I only came to serve.

Tucker Who do you... serve?

FOTUS Soldier: I serve Lavernius Tucker. Are you he?

Tucker: Oh, did Chorus send you?

FOTUS Soldier: Yes.

Tucker: Oh-oh awesome! I saved their planet, so they sent me a servant! This is the best! My own personal badass bodyguard manservant.

FOTUS Soldier: So you are Tucker?

Tucker: Fuck, yes I am!

The FOTUS Soldier jumps down and then gives Tucker a file.

FOTUS Soldier: You've been served.

Tucker: What the fuck...?

FOTUS Soldier: Child support payments.

Tucker: Ah, no dude, Junior's got a basketball scholarship. Who's the damn mom?

FOTUS Soldier: It's a class-action lawsuit...

Tucker: Shit...!

FOTUS Soldier: ...from a collection of new mothers of Chorus. They are demanding recompense for the sons and daughters you sired before you fled.

Tucker: The temple?... Oh no! The Temple! Why did I do it!? It was so good... I didn't mean to. I meant to. I want to. I didn't mean to...!

FOTUS Soldier: Intention is no matter. Only consequence has true form.

Dylan: That is not how I saw this going...

Jax: So that's it. He just gives him a paper and walks away? No fight scene, no car chase, no gun battle, no jump kicks? Lame...

Tucker: No! No...!

FOTUS Soldier: (pleasantly) Fare thee well, to thee all. You will nay see me again unless in service of the court. My name is Spencer Porkensenson, and I live to serve!

He blasts off.

Tucker: (overdramatic) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!!!!!!

A 70s TV show-like opening suddenly plays for a show called "The Process Server," showing various clips of Spencer throughout his appearances in the series, apparently starring him.

It is then revealed to be playing on a computer on Dylan's ship, with Dylan and Jax watching.

Spencer: (soundbite on the computer) And I live to serve!

Jax: So, constructive feedback. I'm thinking about pitching this to some networks when we get back.

Dylan: How did you get him to sign a release form?

Beat.

Jax: A-what now?

Simmons: (over intercom) Everybody strapped in and ready for liftoff?

A distressed Tucker lies on a slab in the foreground, exhausted. He lets out an exasperated sigh.

Tucker: Who cares? We're wasting our freaking time. Grif was right. We're never gonna find anything on this stupid trip.

The ship takes off over the planet. The camera then pans down to the RED SOLDIER that looks like SARGE, watching them leave.

Red Soldier: Surge to HQ. Surge to HQ.

Voice on radio: HQ here. Status?

We cut to a desert box canyon in the middle of nowhere. Familiar, yet somehow different.

Surge: (radio) Sensors pulled through. It's them alright. Tangos are Oscar Mike.

Voice on radio: Copy.

We cut to the top of a base, where the Fake Reds and Blues are standing.

Blue Leader: Get back here on the double. I wouldn't want you missing out on the party. Temple out.

End of episode.

Gallery

Coming soon...

Trivia

• The FOTUS soldier's name is revealed to be Spencer Porkensenson.
• Two of the Imposter Reds and Blues names are revealed in this episode, the imposter Sarge, named Surge and Temple, the imposter Church.
• Sarge's "Day 5" of no sleep is a reference to Rooster Teeth's drama series Day 5, which Jax refers to as a weak premise.
• The rapid camera shot towards Tucker and Jax's painful sigh of "groovy" is a tribute to Sam Raimi's Evil Dead comedy horror series.
• Apparently, Tucker had sired kids on Chorus when he had activated the Temple of Procreation. Given it's enough for a class action lawsuit, this implies the number of mothers is in the double digits or possibly higher.
• Simmons' fear of snakes is brought back up.
• Tucker mentions that Caboose once had a Bop-It toy until he broke it after bopping it against a rock.
• It is revealed that Junior has a college basketball scholarship.
• The name of this episode is a reference to the cult classic horror film series, A Nightmare on Elm Street. It may also be a reference to several B- sci-fi horror films.
• Tucker refers to the name "Armada 8" as sounding like a "shitty motel." This appears to be a reference to the Motel 6 and Super 8 motel chains, neither of which are known for their quality.

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