|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|"Mr. Red vs. Mr. Blue"|
|Airdate|| September 11, 2016 (sponsors)|
September 12, 2016 (RT users)
September 18, 2016 (public)
|Writer(s)||Ernest "Ernie" Cline|
Mr. Red vs. Mr. Blue is the nineteenth episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 14. It aired on September 11, 2016 for sponsors, September 12th, 2016 for Rooster Teeth site users, and September 18, 2016 for the general public. It is the 301st episode overall.
The episode opens up in Blood Gulch some time after the end of Season 5 with Tucker putting up a movie poster on the side of Red Base. Simmons and Grif see him and ask what he's doing, with Tucker responding by saying he's preparing for movie night, but Grif and Simmons interrupt him as they had figured that out on their own. Tucker invites them to come over to Blue Base and initially Grif refuses, but quickly changes his mind when Simmons said that Sarge was planning to have Grif finish his exercise from basic training.
Later, all of the Reds and Blues (plus Doc), arrive for movie night at Blue Base under the agreement of a truce. Tucker excitedly tells them the movie presented is his personal favorite, "Reservoir Dogs," however the others aren't as enthusiastic as they had seen the movie hundreds of times already. But being left with nothing else to watch, they are forced to see it...AGAIN. But when Tucker sees Caboose on the projector, he carefully tries to keep him from breaking it, unfortunately, Church decides to try it and Caboose "accidentally" sets the projector on fire, ruining Tucker's movie night.
6 days later, Church visits the Reds at their base and informs them that Tucker has been super depressed since the movie night disaster and since he feels "somewhat" responsible, he wants to make it up by recreating "Reservoir Dogs." After a little convincing, all of the Reds and Blues (excluding Tucker, Sister, and Doc) meet in the middle to discuss what to do. Church says they are only making a mock trailer since if they try to recreate the whole movie, Tucker would be constantly bitching about what they did wrong. Church assigns the following roles: Mr. Brown (Lopez), Mr. Blonde (Simmons), Mr. Blue (Caboose), Mr. Orange (Grif), Mr. Black (Sarge), Mr. Pink (Donut), and Mr. White (Church). There are immediately problems though as Donut complains about being Mr. Pink (for obvious reasons) and offers to be Mr. Purple instead, however Church quickly shoots down that idea by saying there is no Mr. Purple, depressing Doc who was nearby. Sister then comes up and accuses the guys for being sexist since they didn't include her in the movie since there is no female character and runs off to make her own movie with all females. With the hurdles out of the way, they proceed to make a remake trailer.
After doing an "adequate" job at replicating the scenes from the movie, they show the film to Tucker, who is ecstatic about the remake, much to the relief of his friends. After deciding to let Tucker direct the rest of the remake, Simmons comes up with a suggestion to possibly make a movie about them and their life in Blood Gulch. Church questions who would be dumb or stupid enough to watch that, to which Simmons concedes.
Vic: Now, There was an indiscriminate amount of time between Tex and Junior disappearing from Blood Gulch and the gang getting split up and reassigned by Project Freelancer. You all remember that.It was a strange time. A time when the Reds and Blues had become familiar with one another, but were technically still at war, BUT were simultaneously no longer really giving a damn, BUT were also not really fond of each other. Like I said it was a strange time. And strange things happen when you're stuck in a canyon with the worst friends/enemies/robot companions/siblings. Man...what a bunch of weirdos.
Fade to Tucker backing away from Red base.
Cut Simmons and Grif on top of the base, revealing a movie poster on the wall below them.
Simmons: The fuck are you doing to our base, blue!?
Tucker: Oho, hey guys! I was just putting up fliers for my thing tonight. I'm hosting a mov-
Grif: (interrupting) Movie night.
Cut to a wall plastered with movie fliers behind the reds.
Grif: We figured it out.
Tucker: Awesome! Well, I'm keeping the film a secret, but I can give you guys some hints. It's a kickass crime caper made by the most badass filmmaker of all time!
Grif: C'mon Tucker, we know it's Reservoir Dogs! It's always Reservoir Dogs!
Simmons: I'm so sick of that movie.
Tucker: You can't get sick of Reservoir Dogs! It's impossible! It's the perfect movie: kickass dialogue, kickass characters, kickass ass-kicking.
Grif: Ooh yeah.That sounds great, Tucker, but we actually have plans tonight for once.
Simmons: Yeah, Sarge says he's gonna make Grif finish that squat he started in basic.
Grif: On second thought, we'll be there.
Cut to the reds and blues filing into Blue base. Next to the doorway, a sign reads: "Temporary truce! Seriously, Sarge. We're all looking at you. Don't start no shit. Won't be no shit."
Cut to Doc and Tucker by a TV.
Doc: Alright, everyone! Remember, we're calling sanctuary, so no fighting.
Donut: Well, I thought you could only call sanctuary in a church.
Church: Yea-huh, whaddaya want?
Tucker: This is a church! A cinema! So grab some popcorn! And shut up.
Doc: Ooh, we have popcorn?!
Tucker: Oh, no. Not really.
Doc: (walking away) Aaawwwwww.
Tucker: Gentlemen, I've had your curiosity, now I'd like your attention!
Lopez: Yo me voy. (I'm leaving.)
Lopez leaves the base.
Tucker: A little background on our film tonight. Before Quentin Tarantino went on to dazzle audiences with Kill Bill, Inglorious Basterds and Pulp Fiction, he made his first mark on the cinematic world with this stunning debut film. A little movie I like to call: Reservoir Dogs!
Church: Hey,Tucker. I was just thinkin'. I've got an idea here: What if we watched literally ANYTHING else?
Tucker: Why would you wanna watch anything else?
Church: Well, first of all, because this movie is older than Sarge.
Sister: Yeah, and old things are totally gross.
Sarge: Hey! I'm not that old, you snot-gobbling whippersnapper. Get off my lawn!
Caboose: Uh, I didn't know there was a lawn here, sorry.
Grif: Don't you guys get it !? It's still the only movie we have in this godforsaken canyon! He's got us by the balls!
Tucker: Great point! So unless some one's hiding Netflix in their armor-
Simmons: Lopez just left.
Tucker: -You'll just have to settle for watching the greatest movie of all time, again. Caboose! The tape!
Cut to Caboose next to a projector set.
Caboose: Already set up!
Tucker: Whoa,uh. I don't think that's gonna work, Caboose. How 'bout we just take the tape out, and play it in the VCR.
Church: I vote we try it. This could definitely work.
Caboose: Okay, dim the lights!
Tucker: No,Caboose wait!
Electricity crackles and the projector catches on fire.
Cut to both teams staring in horror.
Caboose: Uh, duh I-It broke! That is weird. I don't know how that would happen.
Sister: Soooo, since that thing is on fire should I still get the lights?
Cut to Church walking to Red base, some time later.
Church: Yo! Reds! Anybody here!?
Grif and Simmons walk over.
Grif: No. We packed up and left.
Church: Cut the crap. We gotta talk about Tucker.
Simmons: Tucker? Don't tell me he's still upset about movie night?
Church: He's done nothing but sit in his room and listen to Stuck in the middle with you on repeat.
Grif: Could be worse.
Church: He's been doin' it for almost six days ! That's like... two weeks in Tucker time.
Church: Yeah, so listen. I feel...somewhat responsible for what happened and I would like to try and make it up to him if I can. Also, I gotta admit, I'm about two songs away from just covering myself in gasoline and ending it all. Are you guys gonna help me or what?
Grif: What? Out of the goodness of our hearts?
Church: Or boredom. What else are ya gonna do.
Grif and Simmons: We're in!
Sarge: ( running over) Hold on there, blue! We're not agreeing to anything! Just because we may lay down our arms for a weekly movie night, it doesn't mean that we'll just-
Church: (interrupting) You can play the lead.
Sarge: I'll go get you my headshots!
Sarge runs back to the base.
Cut to Church addressing the reds and Caboose.
Church: Alright,now. For our remake, we're all gonna be playing characters from the movie Reservoir Dogs. I figure can make just like a, sizzle-reel trailer kind of a thing. And just let Tucker direct the rest. Otherwise we'll just have to listen to him bitch about how we did it wrong. Here are your characters. Errm herm Here are your ca- *cough* I've got something in my throat. Herm. (in a director's voice) Here are yer characters: (cut to Lopez) Mr. Brown, (cut to Simmons) Mr. Blonde, (cut to Caboose) Mr. Blue, (cut to Grif) Mr. Orange, (cut to Sarge) Mr. Black, (cut to Donut) Mr. Pink and I'm Mr. White.
Donut: Wait, why am I Mr. Pink?
Grif: Are you seriously asking that question?
Donut: It's lightish-red! I've told you guys a thousand times!
Church: Who cares what character you play?
Donut: That's easy for you to say! You're Mr. White, you have a cool sounding name. Why can't we pick out characters?
Lopez: Señor Café suena como "Señor Mierda". (Mr. Brown sounds like "Mr. Shit".) Además, ninguno de ustedes idiotas podrá entender mi diálogo. (Also, none of you idiots will be able to understand my dialogue.)
Church: If we pick our characters we're all gonna be fighting over who gets to play Mr. Black.
Simmons: Thank god Tex isn't here.
Church: Hey! How'd you like to be Mr. has- a- fuckin'- hole in his head!? And I'm not talking about your mouth or like- I'm talking about like- another hole. In your head. A new one. I'm gonna shoot you. Ya-you understand.
Sarge: I mean...it's a little wordy.
Donut: Mr. Pink sounds like a pansy! Tell you what: how 'bout I be Mr. Purple? Sounds good to me.
Doc is seen walking over in the background.
Church: You can't be Mr. Purple! There's no Mr. Purple in the movie!
Doc: (walking away) Aaaawwwwww...
Donut: So? We can change the movie. I never liked how everyone dies at the end anyway.
Sarge: Whoa! Spoiler alert! Somebody!
Grif: How is that a spoiler? We've watched that movie together ten thousand times!
Sarge: Usually, after the gunfire, I fall right to sleep.
Sister: (running over) Hey, Taran-terrible! Why the fuck am I not Mr. Blonde!?
Grif: Uh, because you're a girl and also, you're not blonde.
Sister: Not on my head.
Grif: That doesn't even- wait, what?
Church: Sister, there's no girls in Reservoir Dogs, go back to base.
Sister: What about the all-female remake they made? Ya 'know ? The terrible one?
Church: Reservoir Bitches? It was terrible.
Sister: Fine! Enjoy being sexist! I'm gonna go make my own movie! And it'll only have girls! Then you'll see who's sexist!
Simmons: And were are you gonna find other girls to help you make an impromptu movie?
Sister: I've done it before. They didn't even care about the nudity. Because women. Are. Professionals! (runs away)
Grif: Please do not tell anyone else the things you just said!
Sister: (offscreen) I haaaate you! You're just like mom and dad!
Cut to a film reel. "A Red vs Blue joint: Resvor(crossed out) Resivouir (crossed out) Water Pond Dogs"
Grif: Ugh. I am shot.
Cut to Church and Grif in a Warthog with a green screen city background. Girf is crumpled over in the back and Church is driving.
Church: Hey, you cut that shit right now. You're hurt. You're hurt real fuckin' bad, but you ain't dyin'. 'Kay? Trust me I know what that feels like.
Grif: Ahhh... That heist. It went so bad. And now, I have been shot. I am going to die. I know it.
Church: That heist went bad! But you're not gonna die! I'm... uh... line?
Simmons: (offscreen) I'm going to get you help.
Church: Right- I'm gonna get you help!
Church: No! Don't you "Herk bleagh" me! You hold on!
Cut to the jeep driving across the canyon. Caboose narrates.
Caboose: From the visionary brain of Quentin Tar... tar... rantula.
Cut to the team walking towards the camera.
Caboose: In a movie where some people like wearing the same kind of clothes and have colors for their names, decide to have a robbery heist and also, secretly-spoiler alert- one of them is a cop,,,!
Cut to a trunk camera view of Donut, Sarge and Church.
Church: I think one of us is secretly a cop...
Cut to a gunfight.
Caboose: There is violence. And Guns. And shooting and stuff...!
Grif: Pew. Pew. Bang.
Simmons: Bang! Bang! Bang bang bang!
Grif: Oh no. According to the script, I've been shot.
Cut to Simmons and Caboose with a can of gasoline.
Simmons: Who the fuck gave him actual gasoline?!
Caboose: I'm a method actor.
Sister: (running over) Vagina power! Down with the men! Suck my lady dick! End women's suffrage! We've suffered long enough!
Cut to everyone in the blue base as the trailer ends.
Church: So... Yeah, it's still a rough-cut...
Tucker: Dude, that was awesome!
Church: Oh thank god!
Caboose: So does this mean we can make the rest of the movie now?
Tucker: As Quentin Tarantino would say: "Let me suck on that bitches toes"!
Sister: Ah-Ha! I knew there was a girl in the movie!
Simmons: Hey, you know what I was thinking? What if we turned that camera around on us? Made a little documentary about Blood Gulch and our hanging out? Ya'know, slice of life kinda stuff.
Church: What kind of braindead lunatic would watch something like that?
Simmons: Yeah... You're probably right.
- This episode takes place after the events of Season 5 and before the events of Reconstruction.
- The teams arguing about which character each should play is a parody of the iconic scene in Reservoir Dogs in which Steve Buscemi's character asks why he's Mr. Pink, leading to an argument.
- Apparently, according to Church and Sister, there is a remake of Reservoir Dogs called Reservoir Bitches, that involves an all-female cast. This may be a reference to the 2016 Ghostbusters remake, which included female actresses in the lead roles. They also mention that Reservoir Bitches was terrible, referencing the unpopularity and poor ratings of Ghostbusters 2016.
- Simmons considering making a movie about themselves with Church arguing no one would want to watch it is a subtle reference to the series in general and when Rooster Teeth originally intended to make only six episodes, believing it would not be popular.
- This episode was written by Ernest Cline, author of the novel Ready Player One.