|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|"Hitting the Mark"|
|Airdate|| April 25, 2020 (FIRST)|
April 26, 2020 (public)
The very best takes from the professionals on Red vs. Blue!
Rooster Teeth logo fades in from black
“Red vs Blue
PSA: Hitting the Mark”
Cut to Sarge standing in front of a battlefield
Sarge: Manga lord, manga lord! Bjorn boar, chitty chitty bang bang!
Cut to Donut spinning through time, with the white words “Dan Godwin” slowly sliding in from the left side
Donut: (ridiculously high pitched) FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Cut to Simmons in Halo 2, Blood Gulch. The script “SIMMONS FEEBLY BEATBOXES A MILITARY MARCH. Slow pans over the scene and over the faces of those present, shots fading into one another.” is shown underneath the scene.
Simmons: What’s a military beatbox?
Simmons: A drumroll with my mouth?
Simmons: Are you recording all of this? (starting to laugh) I- I want this on the extra feature so when they say “Why does that sound so bad?” I can say, “Well this was the direction I was given”.
Simmons: (making a sound that sounds like an airy drill) Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr- Not like I’m purring! I sound like a fucking cat.
Simmons: (still making the sound, but more pronounced) Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr- Arriba.
Cut to a view of Blood Gulch’s sky with the script “1 DONUT (O.S.) Private Donut, reporting for duty sir. Ready to fight some aliens.” underneath it.
Donut: Private Donut, rer- aeh.
Cut to a pan of Blood Gulch with the script “2 GRIF (O.S.) Couple things there, rookie. First off… Private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname.” underneath it.
Grif: Couple things there, private. Rookie. Fuck. Screwed it up- off immediately.
Cut to Caboose in the defeated Labyrinth in front of a grey wall
Caboose: I am so fucking hungry. AAAAAAAAA-IIIII’LL FUCKING EAT EVERYTHING! AAAAHH CHEESE SANDWICH! FUCK DIETING.
Cut to Genkins, standing in on the platform holding Chrovos’s prison
Genkins: (sounding winded) what?!
Genkins: (amused) what?
Genkins: (incredulously) what?
Genkins: (beatboxing) WHAT?! (starts laughing)
Cut to Donut in the hospital with the script “DONUT (CONT’D) (REMEMBERING THE TERM) Cerebral hypoxia?” underneath it
Donut: Cerebal? (quieter) cerebal hypoxia- is that what the-(unintelligible) that how you say it- cer- cerebal- cere- cer-a-bral?
The script disappears
Donut: cere-beral hypoxia?
Donut: Cere-bal hypoxia?
Donut: Cerebal hypox-l-a?
Cut to Carolina in Halo 2, UNSC armor, Blood Gulch with the script “114 CAROLINA (BARELY AUDIBLE) What? But-” underneath it
Carolina: what? But… What but. (starts laughing) What what, in the butt.
Chrovos: (using a weird voice) TEENY WEENY PARADOXES!
Chrovos: (something unintelligible, loudly)
Cut to behind her, where there is a Warthog
Chrovos: (quieter and getting quieter) Now get in this truck and (mumbling) let’s get the fuck outta here.
Cut to Caboose in Halo 2, Blood Gulch, next to Carolina
Caboose: OH MY GOD YOU’RE BRUCE WILLIS. YIPPEE KI YAY MOTHERFUCKER! I remember that part. (starts laughing) That was fucking terrible.
Cut to Sarge in the hospital in front of Doc and Donut, next to Simmons
Sarge: Lopez you silly little burrito you know I don’t speak Spanish! (laughing) now quit your yapping and go work on the Warthog. Gotta couple'o nuts loose. I know how much you love to adjust nuts! Check out the undercarriage, by the taint. I meant tank! Gas tank, what'd you think I meant?
Cut to a washing machine with a drawn on gun and mouth, with googly eyes, aka Gustavo
Gustavo: ¡Todos aman a Gustavo! [Everybody loves Gustavo!]
Grif: Aah, Gustavo! You’re the best! Eugh. (mumbling) Gross saying that.
Cut to Wash in his mansion, with the script “BUTLER (O.S.) Collapsed a probability wave. WASHINGTON (STARTLED NOISE)” underneath it
Wash: (sounding winded) A-ah!
Wash: (stuttering a bit) Euh!
Wash: W-w- what’s the startled noise that he’s making I’m not sure how they- how to do that one. (slight gasp, and while he’s talking the camera pans sideways, showing the butler standing next to him. The script pulls down, showing the words “The Butler stands behind them.”) Oh it’s the butler! (Starts to laugh) It's like - I thought it was like- the revelation that Donut was telling him and I'm like, “I don’t know- how to play that man." - okay that makes more- now I get it.
Cut to Caboose in a tank
Caboose: Hello. (multiple hello’s while cutting to- in front of a screen, in front of the portal leading out of Chrovos’s prison, falling off a cliff, in front of Carolina, standing where Carolina should be in Halo 2 on the train station, shooting to the left of the camera, with the Golf Club, and on top of a building looking out to more buildings' walls)
Cut to Caboose in the defeated Labyrinth
Wash: ‘Eeeeeeeyyy…. Caboose.
Caboose: Ya I already said hello. Try to keep up.
Cut to Wash in Halo 2, on the train platform facing Carolina, with the script “144 WASH Trust me. The moment you see these guys… you’ll understand everything.” underneath it.
Wash: Trust me. The moment you see these guys… you’ll understand everything.
A train whizzes by as it fades to black, the script scrolls and reads “A final train RUSHES PAST and we-”
Carolina: (using a weird voice) Okay then.
The script scrolls to read “145 WASH (CONT’D) …I hope”
Wash: I- I hope.
Carolina: I’m sorry (starts laughing[Wash in the background: It's okay)
Wash: It’s okay, it’s okay (also starts laughing). I was like “goddammn Jen, you’re- ah - stepping on my moMENTUM!”
Cut to Church in Halo 2, Blood Gulch
Church: NO NO, STOP! WE GOTTA- WE GOTTA STOP HER! RIGHT NOW!! (something unintelligible)
Cut to the room Wash was shot in, he’s standing in front of a crashed Pelican
Wash: I’m gonna- pry that chain gun off this Pelican.
Sarge: Off the chain, my man! Sorry. Try to speak the kid’s lingo, sometimes it doesn’t work out.
Cut to Wash on the train platform in Halo 2, again
Wash: And now, I want the Director dead. Will you help me?
Wash, who is somehow behind her and answering his own question
and also sounds like Grif for some reason: Uh, duh.
Carolina: (Higher pitched) Like, doy.
Cut to Genkins standing on the platform holding Chrovos’s prison
Genkins: Chrovos! There you are! Oh wait, wha- (sucking sound, or something, then says something unintelligible)
Cut to Caboose in Blood Gulch, but in Halo 5
Caboose: All my best lines are shared with thirteen other people and played at the same exact time, so like- you can isolate fourteen audio channels.
Cut to Caboose in the hospital with the script “207 ALL PRESENT (VARIATIONS/SIMILAR TO “GRIF I SWEAR TO GOD”) underneath it
Caboose: (something like) GRIF IM VEGAN OH MY FUCKING GOD HOW FUCKING DARE YOU
Cut to everyone in the defeated Labyrinth, with the script “The BGC goes to run for Genkins, YELLING:” underneath it
Caboose: NO! I- NO WAIT (the script scrolls to read “168 BGC (VARIATIONS ON “GET HIM/NO/STOP” as he stutters) DON'T! UH, I CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING FUNNY! TO SAY! STOP! STOP AND WAIT UNTIL I FIND SOMETHING FUNNY TO THINK OF TO SAY!
Cut to Caboose, still, back in the hospital, again, with the script “153 ALL PRESENT (GASP)” underneath it
Cut to still-Caboose, in front of a grey wall with the script “229 ALL PRESENT (EXCLAMATIONS)” underneath it
Caboose: EXCLACLMATIONS! (yes, that was intentionally misspelled)
Cut to STILL CABOOSE, in the room Wash gets shot in, with the script “112 ALL (O.S.) (DISGUST/AMAZEMENT) underneath it
Caboose: HOLY SHIT!!!! That’s usable, right?
Fades into black
To be added...