Red vs. Blue Episode
"Hell's Angel"
Sarge's Plan
Episode no. 16
Airdate October 17, 2011
Running time 6:39

Red vs. Blue Season 9
March 28, 2011 - November 14, 2011

  1. Trailer
  2. Rounding Error
  3. The Twins
  4. Number One
  5. Evacuation Plan
  6. Realignment
  7. Familiar Feelings
  8. Case File 01.045
  9. Shaking the Foundation
  10. Captive Audience
  11. Introductions
  12. Lifting the Veil
  13. Mid-Game Substitution
  14. Planning the Heist
  15. Son of a Bitch
  16. The Sarcophagus
  17. Hell's Angel
  18. Spiral
  19. Labor Pains
  20. Whole Lot of Shaking
  21. Hate to Say Goodbye

Hell's Angel is the sixteenth episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 9 and the 189th episode overall.


Blue TeamEdit

Red TeamEdit

Project FreelancerEdit



S9 E16.

Church tries to talk to Tex.

Church and Tucker are seen standing outside Blue Base while Caboose and Tex are near Sheila. Church tries to get Tucker to help find a reason to get Tex to stay but he insults Church. Tex and Caboose come up to the two and Tex announces she will stay a little longer as Caboose told her they need help with the tank claiming it was because she liked him, when in reality he paid her $100. Tucker then asks Caboose for money.

Epsilon Double Reds

The Reds formulate a plan.

Meanwhile, Simmons and Grif look at Lopez's parts, with Simmons complaining about how no one could tell it was him. He then continues to complain about having to clean up Lopez and asks Grif what he was doing. Grif says boring stuff, with Simmons announcing that they have a mystery.

Back at Blue Base, Church approaches Tex, who is working on the tank, and asks if she has time to talk. Caboose comes up from behind and says yes. Church tries to get Caboose to leave the two of them alone, but Caboose fails to grasp the concept. Church asks Tex to help but she sees the situation more entertaining.

Team B down

Team B under fire.

At Red Base, the Reds hold a staff meeting. Sarge has Simmons go up and talk. Simmons tells them that thanks to Lopez's equipment and observations, he has found out the planet is going under a seismic change. When the other Reds become confused, he dumbs it down saying the world is breaking and they will all die, causing Grif and Donut to panic. Sarge tells them he has a plan, which is revealed to be planting a bomb in the Earth's core, which Simmons questions. Sarge tells him that the rest of the plan will reveal the true cause and solution, causing Simmons to question him even more. However, Grif and Donut become enthusiastic about the plan.

Tex on Motorbike

Texas on her motorbike.

Meanwhile, Team A, minus Washington, is seen driving down the highway. Carolina calls for Team B to report. North tells her that Team B is pinned down by police and have wounded. He also tells Carolina not to come to their rescue, but to get the package from official Rhee Sebial. Team A then uses Team B's coordinates on it to track Rhee Sebial. Tex, in an unknown building with Insurrectionists, has F.I.L.S.S. fire a drop pod down to her. F.I.L.S.S. refuses, having no idea what it contains, but the Director orders her to fire it anyway. Inside are a Motorbike and a Rocket Launcher. Tex begins to drive down the highway and is pursued by two enemy Warthogs. Meanwhile, Team A is at an overpass as Rhee Sebial drives beneath them. Maine jumps on his car, pulls out his Brute Shot and, presumably attacks him.


Fade in to Church and Tucker outside Blue Base

Church: Tucker, c-come on man, help me. I need to find a way to have her stick around a bit longer.

Tucker: Oh yeah sure, no problem. Maybe you and your girlfriend can find time to go on a killing spree. Do some real bonding.

Church: Tucker.

Tucker: Oh, that's right, not your girlfriend. Just the girl that you're stalking, through multiple planes of existence.

Church: Hhgh.

Tucker: Romantically.

Church: Please, I just need a little more time.

Tucker: Why, who cares?

Church: I do, I'm supposed to do this.

Tucker: Fine, where is she now?

Church: She's talking with Caboose.

Tucker: Well that should keep her busy for at least a few minutes. Half an hour if she starts asking him math problems.

Tex: Hey, I'm gonna stick around a while longer.

Church: You are? I mean... you are?

Tex: Yeah. Caboose here said you guys need some help with the tank, so I figured ah, I could help with that too. What can I say, I like the kid.

Caboose: Plus I paid her a hundred dollars.

Tex: Yeah, that too.

Tucker: Money - why didn't I think of that?

Church: Because you don't have any money?

Tucker: Good point. Hey Caboose, give me some money!

Caboose: Oka- wait. S'this a trick. I'll pay you a hundred dollars to show me how it works.

Cut to Grif and Simmons

Simmons: I can't believe you guys didn't know this was Lopez, and not me.

Grif: What do you expect, he had the perfect disguise.

Simmons: He painted himself maroon. Badly!

Grif: Exactly! How could anyone be expected to see through that?

Simmons: He spoke Spanish, no one else does.

Grif: That did seem weird at first, but, you always go through those annoying phases. Like, remember that time you were gonna learn to play banjo, or the time you were gonna be a vegan?

Simmons: What do you mean phases, I am a vegan. And I can play the banjo.

Grif: I know, and isn't all that annoying?

Simmons: But you couldn't figure it out. Hawh, you don't know me at all.

Grif: To be fair, we didn't know Lopez either. We knew you both equally as little, so, you can see how we'd get confused. Also, we didn't really care.

Simmons: Yeah, but Lopez was here a day. I've been here for years.

Grif: You have? See, I'm learning new stuff about you already. Now the next time an evil robot tries to take your place, I'll have questions to ask it.

Simmons: Shut up. Why the hell am I the one cleaning up my own body? This is insulting. Hey what do you think he was using all this equipment for?

Grif: I don't know, boring stuff? Who cares?

Simmons: Hmmm...

Grif: Oh, wait, I forgot, you like boring stuff. Never mind what I said, I'm sure it's something for sports.

Simmons: It looks like we have a mystery to solve.

Grif: What're you, twelve?

Cut to Tex at the tank, and Church approaching from the background.

Church: Hey uh, hey you got a second?

Caboose: Sure! What do you want to talk about?

Church: No, not you Caboose, I want to talk to Tex.


Caboose: Oh. Go ahead.

Church: I wanna talk to her alone.

Caboose: You can't talk to someone alone, there has to be two people. Those are the rules, I don't make them.

Church: By myself.

Caboose: Well, I- I suppose she could stand pretty far away, and then you can yell. That might, that might work.

Church: Caboose, I would like for you, to leave.

Caboose: Oh I, I get it, I'm so- I'm so embarrassed, I'll just go over there for a little while.

Church: Thank you.

Caboose: Come on, Tex.

Church: No no no no no, Tex, Te- please, can you help me out here?

Tex: Hoho, no no no. I'm sure this conversation is a lot more entertaining, than whatever you wanna say to me.

Cut to Red Base. Another tremor occurs

Sarge: Men, thanks for gathering so quickly. It appears we have a crisis on our hands. I'm now going to turn this meeting over to our Chief Science Engineer, Simmons.

Simmons: Houh, finally some respect.

Sarge: ...who is gonna talk for a little while, but not too much. And he's not going to over explain things in that way he does, and then he's gonna stop talking and turn the meeting back over to me. Simmons.

Simmons: Thank you Sarge. Men, I have made a grave discovery. Analyzing equipment that Lopez was using, I have found that the planet is undergoing a total seismic breakdown. There's clear evidence of an unstoppable chain of events which is leading to a full systemic collapse. Now I realize this may cause some of you to panic.

Donut and Grif: ...

Simmons: Or, it may confuse most of you because you don't understand what I said.

Sarge: Can we wrap this up please.

Simmons: The world is breaking, we're all gonna die.

Grif: What!?

Donut: Why would you tell us like that!? It's like ripping off a Band Aid!

Simmons: You know what, fuck you guys. Stupid people get to live a life of worry and fear, you're all doomed.

Grif: This is the worst news ever.

Sarge: Men don't worry. We've got a plan in place to resolve the problem.

Simmons: I can't wait to hear this.

Sarge reveals a board entitled: "Sarge's Plan to Kick the Planet's Ass". Another tremor occurs.

Sarge: Now we all know that the planet is trying to kill us. So we need to strike back, and quickly! Scare the crap out of it.

Simmons: What!?

Sarge: Grif, what's that bad sci-fi movie where they discover a natural disaster and their first attempt to solve the problem is to use a huge bomb?

Grif: That's... every bad sci-fi movie, Sir.

Sarge: Exactly. So that's what we're gonna do. Now here's the plan. We're going to build an enormous drilling machine, and institute my three phase plan. Step one, bust through the crust; step two, skedaddle through the mantle; step three, bore to the core. Once in the core, we'll set off an enormous bomb to stabilize the planet.

Simmons: How will a bomb stabilize the planet?

Sarge: It won't; duh. But through a series of dramatic setbacks, calamities, and yes, hopefully a few of us dying on the mission, we'll find the true cause and solution to the problem. And, save the world.

Simmons: Seriously?

Grif: I like the plan.

Donut: Me too, let's do it.

Sarge: Great, I'll get to work on the drill. Donut, you find the deepest darkest hole where we can stick it in.

Donut: I have a list of candidates right here!

Sarge: Grif, I need you to build us a bomb.

Grif: How the hell do I do that?

Sarge: Find a way, Son. Time is short.

Grif: Okay, huhh, I guess I'll look on the Internet?

Sarge: Excellent! Let's get to work men, we've got a planet to fight! ...I mean save. Whatever.

Cut to the Freelancer backstory, where Team A is seen driving on the freeway. York is driving, Maine is riding shotgun and Carolina is manning the turret.

Carolina: Team B report. Team B!

Cut to Team B. Thier car is flipped and on fire. Wyoming is wounded and being treated by C.T., while North takes cover behind the car and reports in as numerous police officers shoot at them

North Dakota: Team B is down! We have wounded, and are taking fire.

Carolina: We'll be right there.

North Dakota: Negative, get the package. Get it out of the city.

Carolina: Roger that.

York: Reading Team B's tracker... okay, there he is I got him.

Carolina: We'll cut 'em off at that overpass, go, go!

Cut to Tex, who is inside a building somewhere

Tex: Come in, Mother of Invention.

FILSS: We read you Agent Texas. Go ahead.

Cut to the Mother of Invention, where the Director is seen on the bridge.

Tex: FILSS, I need you to fire ordinance pod zero-four-zero-one to my position.

FILSS: I am sorry, but I cannot verify the contents of that pod. Protocol dictates that all-

Director: Just fire it, FILSS.

FILSS: Acknowledged. Safety protocol override. Firing pod zero-four-zero-one.

The pod is launched towards Tex. It lands and opens to reveal a motorcycle

Tex: Hello there.

Tex approaches it. Cut to a group of Insurrectionists.

Guard 1: Did you fucking hear that?

Guard 2: No man, no-

Guard 1: You didn- it was like-

Tex crashes through the window above them and drives off

Guard 1: How 'bout that, did you hear that?

Guard 2: Yeah yeah, I heard it.

The guards chase after Tex. Cut to program official Rhee Sebiel, driving under an overpass just ahead of Tex. Team A is revealed to be watching him. As Rhee approaches them, Maine jumps on the hood of his car and prepares to stab him with the bayonet of his brute shot.



  • Team A's seating has changed from the previous episode, with York driving and Maine riding shotgun.
  • The episode title is likely a reference to the biker gang Hells Angels.
    • The episode title also bears reference to Starcraft II: Wings Of Liberty Viking mercenaries known as "Hel's Angel".
  • The police officers that shoot at Team B resemble New Mombasa police officers, based on their appearance of NMPD modified CH-525 Marine Helmets and NMPD body armor.
  • Sarge's plan to use a bomb to stabilize the core is a reference to the 2003 sci-fi film The Core.
  • Tex's motorcycle is a model of a halved Mongoose.
  • The ordinance pod's number, 0401, may be a reference to the premiere date of Red vs. Blue, as well as the anniversary of Rooster Teeth, which was April 1st (4/1).


Red vs Blue Season 9 Episode 16

Red vs Blue Season 9 Episode 16

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