Thin Ice is the eighth episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 12 and the 257th episode overall. It aired on June 23, 2014.
Characters[]
New Republic[]
Federal Army of Chorus[]
- Snowman Fed
- Washington
- Sarge
- Donut
- Lopez
- Several soldiers
Plot[]
Saddened by the departure of their captains, Bitters, Palomo, Smith, and Jensen continue their training alone, but are unable to concentrate. After Smith informs them that Kimball has refused a search and rescue for the captains, Jensen comes to the correct conclusion they left to not put them in danger while Bitters argues that the captains didn't care about them at all; however, Palomo expresses his hope that they will return. Suddenly, Felix interrupts them and states that the Reds and Blues did what they thought was best, and proceeds to leave the base in order to find them, telling the recruits to inform Kimball of his departure.
Meanwhile, Tucker, Simmons, Grif, and Caboose arrive at the Federal Army compound where their friends are being held. As the four come up with ideas to break into the faciltiy, they collectively decide upon 'melting their way in', an idea courtesy of Caboose. To do this, Tucker stabs his sword into the icy floor and causes the heat from it to melt away the ground, which in turn causes the four to fall through the hole and into a tunnel. They, unfortunatley, get the attention of a Fed, who slowly approaches their position after hearing their screams. The group then hastily construct and hide inside four snowmen, successfully managing to fool the Fed when he arrives.
After Tucker kills the deluded Fed, the four realize that the path from the tunnel to the detention facility is heavily guarded. So, in order to trail the Feds off, the Reds and Blues cause an alarm to go off by having Caboose shoot a sewer pipe, which leads the Feds away from the detention facility successfully. As the Reds and Blues make it to the facility, Tucker tells Simmons to unlock the door, but the latter becomes pressured and nervous. Without warning, the door miraculously opens and the four encounter Wash, Sarge, Donut, and Lopez standing in their path. With both groups confused as to why the other is here, the Blood Gulch Crew stand motionless in the doorway.
Transcript[]
Fade in to a row of cones lined up on a concrete barrier. A shot fires and misses a cone. Cut to Palomo and Bitters
Palomo: Missed.
Bitters fires again
Palomo: Missed.
Bitters fires again
Palomo: Missed.
Bitters: Palomo? I know when I miss...!
Bitters fires again.
Palomo: Are you missing on purpose?
Bitters: Oh alright, that's it!
Bitters turns and begins to beat up Palomo. Cut to Jensen; punching and shouting can be heard in the background.
Palomo: (off screen) Ow! Ow! Ow! It was a legitimate question!
Bitters: Am I missing now?!
Jensen: (sighs)
Smith approaches Jensen.
Smith: Well, I spoke with Kimball. Search and rescue has been denied.
Bitters: Yeah well good riddance. They never cared about us anyway.
Jensen: How could you say that? They left because they didn't want us getting hurt.
Bitters: Yeah, well what do you call this? They didn't take us to get shot, but they sure as hell left us to die!
Jensen: (voice breaks) ...We don't know that, they could come back.
Smith: Their message didn't exactly specify.
Palomo: They'll come back. I know they'll come back.
Palomo raises his rifle. A shot is fired and hits a cone.
Bitters: Nice shot.
Palomo: Wasn't me
Cut to Felix behind them, revealed to be the one who shot the cone.
Felix: You shouldn't be so hard on the guys. They did what they thought was best. Can't fault them for that. Still, I'm gonna beat the living shit out of those four when I find them.
Smith: When you find them?
Felix: Tell Kimball I'm buying back one of the warthogs I sold her.
Felix leaves.
Jensen: But Felix, she said we weren't allowed to go after them! It was a direct order!
Felix: Well orders only work on soldiers! I am a mercenary.
Cut to a Federal Army outpost base, located in an icy area. Simmons, Grif, Tucker, and Caboose are seen standing behind a wall at the compound.
F.A.C. OUTPOST 37
Simmons: This is it. According to our data, the Federal Army base is just on the other side of this wall.
Tucker: About time! My ass was asleep for so long, I thought it slipped into a coma!
Grif: So, we're here. Now what?
Tucker: We bust our way in. Anyone have any ideas?
Simmons: We could try scaling the wall?
Tucker: Uh, that's a little too obvious. Think dumber.
Grif: We could knock on the door?
Tucker: Too dumb
Grif: I was joking!
Caboose: We could knock on their door?
Grif: I just said that?!
Caboose: Yeaah, but you were joking. I felt the plan deserved more serious consideration.
Tucker: Hmm, How do you break into an evil ice fortress?
Caboose: You melt it! Like evil ice cream!
Tucker: Holy Shit. We melt our way in!
Caboose: Whe- Wai- Rea- YES! I WIN!
Grif: What?
Tucker: We can't go through the wall, and going over it is what most people would do, so let's just go under it.
Grif: That's retarded.
Tucker: Exactly! Damn, I'd never thought I'd say this, I mean ever, seriously but, good job Caboose.
Caboose: Oh well I'm just really glad someone appreciates my genius. Now let's start melting!
Caboose crouches down and starts breathing on the snow.
Tucker: Caboose, you're wearing a helmet. That's not doing anything.
Caboose: Okay, well fine, then how do you explain my sudden light headed...ness.
Tucker: What about friction? All the ladies tell me I light a fire between their legs.
Grif: That's chlamydia.
Simmons: Friction won't work. It's gotta be negative forty degrees Celsius out here.
The group stare at Simmons, confused.
Simmons: That's negative forty degrees Fahrenheit.
Tucker: Jesus, that's cold!
Grif: That's freezing!
Simmons: You people are idiots.
Grif: Well say it in American next time.
Tucker: Oh! I've got it!
Tucker pulls out his sword and stabs it into the ground.
Tucker: STAB!
Simmons: Is it working?
The sword's heat begins to melt away the ice. Cut to the group falling into a tunnel.
Simmons: Ahh, it worked!
Grif: Where are we?!
Snowman Fed: (off screen) Hey! What was that noise?
Tucker: Oh shit, we’re inside!
Caboose: I think bad guys are coming!
Simmons: (panicking) What do we do? What do we do?!
Tucker: I don't know! I didn't think this far ahead!
Simmons: Damn it! This is why winging it is a bad idea! No more winging it!
Fed: (off screen) I swear, I heard something just around the corner.
Grif: Let's get out of here!
Tucker: There could be more guards! We'll be caught!
Simmons: Well we've gotta do something!
The Fed begins to make his way towards the Reds and Blues.
Fed: Just a few more feet and I'll be there.
Caboose: Tucker!
The Fed emerges from the corner to see four snowmen in the tunnel.
Fed: What the-? Huh.... Well would you look at that, just a couple of harmless snowmen. You guys wouldn't happen to be the ones making all that racket now, would you? Heh heh.... (raises rifle) Well, time for some target practice.
Tucker stabs the soldier with his sword through the snowman.
Fed: But... why snowman...?
Cut to the Fed soldier, buried dead under a pile of snow. Cut to Tucker, Caboose, and Grif whilst Simmons is dusting snow off himself in the background.
Tucker: I cannot believe that worked.
Grif: Uh, you're welcome.
Tucker: How did you do that?
Grif: I used the same trick to hide from Sarge all the time back in Blood Gulch.
Tucker: You constructed, and then hid inside of... a snowman. In the middle of a hot canyon.
Flashback to Blood Gulch where Grif is crouching behind a rock with melted snow. Simmons is standing next to him.
Simmons: Hey Sarge! I found him!
Cut back to the present.
Grif: It wasn't always a perfect plan.
Simmons: According to our intel, there's not much standing between the end of this tunnel and the detention facility.
Tucker: That's awesome!
Simmons: No, I mean... there's literally... nothing between us.
Camera shows an open space between the group and the detention facility.
Simmons: We'll be spotted as soon as we leave the tunnel.
Tucker: I don't know, doesn't look like there's anyone around to me.
A siren blares off from the speakers around the outpost.
Soldier on PA: Alright, lunch break's over. Back to your stations, people.
Feds start piling out of the base and moving to their posts.
Soldier on a warthog: Come on maggots, get the lead out! Move! Move! Move!
Soldiers continue to move out of the outpost and set up stations around the base.
Soldier in a tank: Woo! Brand new tank, coming in! This will kill any intruders for sure!
Cut back to the Reds and Blues.
Tucker: I hate my stupid mouth...
Grif: I hate it more.
Simmons: How are we gonna sneak past that?
Tucker: We're not.
Grif: Glad to hear you're finally making sense, Tucker. Let's go home. Good effort everybody! We came, we saw, we realized it was impossible, no shame in that.
Cut back to the group in the tunnel.
Grif: Can't help but realize we haven't left yet.
Tucker: We can't sneak past those guys, so instead, we're gonna make as much noise as possible. If we can cause enough trouble somewhere else, we can draw them away from the prison. What do you guys think?
Simmons: Well, it fits with the dumb ideas thing.
Tucker: I think here if we fuck up these important looking pipes and then haul ass, we can make it into the building.
Grif: Ugh, we have to run?
Tucker: We have to try. Worst-case scenario, we end up in jail with everyone else and just wait for this whole civil war thing to blow over.
Simmons: I think worst-case scenario is getting shot. Or Grif getting shot and we have to carry him. There's only three of us.
Tucker: (pauses for consideration) Fuck it. Caboose, do your thing.
Caboose: Time to CLEAN THE PIPES!
Cut to two soldiers standing atop the base, as an alarm goes off.
Alarm: Alert. Catastrophic breach detected in sewage pipeline. Sector 3.
Fed Soldier: Sucks to be maintenance.
Alarm: Warning. Sewage breach detected in the barracks.
Fed Soldier: Oh shit! My stuff! Noooo!
Soldiers suddenly begin to run off to the barracks to protect their belongings.
Tucker: Now's our chance, run!
Simmons: Here goes nothing!
Caboose: Let's race!
Grif: Urghhh.
Fed Soldier: Come on guys, gotta save our shit! From the shit!
Soldiers continue to run off to the barracks, yelling indistinctly while doing so, whilst Tucker, Simmons, Grif and Caboose run across to the detention facility.
Fed Soldier: Jesus Christ, last night was taco night!
Cut to the Reds and Blues entering the detention facility.
Caboose: Yeah, first place!
Grif: (panting heavily) Oh my god... I'm gonna die. I hope I die.
The four make their way to a concealed door.
Tucker: Simmons, do something about this door!
Simmons: What do you mean?
Tucker: It's locked. Hack the door controls or something!
Simmons: What makes you think I can just hack a door?
Tucker: You're the smart one! All your good for is hacking things and making me look more handsome in comparison!
Simmons: (panicking) I don't have any intel! I don't have any tools! I-I-I can't just do it, I need time!
Grif: We don't have time, genius. Just pretend like it's a timed maths test or something!
Simmons: I don't work well under pressure! You know that!
The door suddenly opens and the group raise their guns in response, towards the unknown enemy beyond the door.
Tucker: Oh shit...
Camera pans across to reveal Tucker aiming his gun at Washington, who also has his gun raised. The camera then reveals Washington, Sarge, Donut, and Lopez in the doorway. Everyone lowers their weapons.
Washington: Tucker?
Tucker: Wash?
Sarge: What in sam hell are you boys doing here?
Simmons: We came to save you!
Donut: But, we were supposed to save you?
The camera slowly pans away from the Blood Gulch group, who continue to stand motionless in the doorway.
Caboose: Bum bum buuummmm... Cliffhanger!
Cut to black.
Gallery[]
Trivia[]
- Palomo telling Bitters that he missed may be a reference to the Deja View PSA where Caboose says the same thing to Church.
- The confusion over Simmons' explanation of degrees of Celsius with degrees of Fahrenheit could be a reference to The Joy of Toggling where Church reports that it is twenty-six degrees Celsius to Tucker.
- The flashback to Simmons and Grif in Blood Gulch is shot using the Halo 2 engine and cropped in the series' original aspect ratio.
- This episode marks the return of Washington, Sarge, Donut, and Lopez after their capture in Fire.
- Lopez is also revealed to be operational again after a sniper shot rendered him inactive.
- Caboose breaks the fourth wall by acknowledging the episode's cliffhanger.
- There's a deleted portion of the scene when the team reaches the Federal Army compound where Grif states they should drive around a mountain next time there's one, and they found the decayed skeleton of Santa Claus mostly buried in the snow.
Video[]
