|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|Airdate||October 14, 2013|
FAQ is the sixteenth episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 11 and 241st episode overall. It aired on October 14, 2013.
After Doc patches up the orange soldier's leg, he introduces himself as Felix. Wash then demands answers from him, in which Felix reveals that the Reds and Blues have crash landed on Chorus, a small planet located at the far edge of colonized space that was all but forgotten by the UNSC after the war. Simmons wonders how they could have gotten so badly off course, triggering a flashback of Sarge tampering with the ship's engines. Felix then explains that with the lack of UNSC influence, the people of Chorus attempted to govern themselves, but the situation quickly devolved into civil war, with a group of rebels, calling themselves the "New Republic", rebelling against the Federal Army of Chorus, which Felix refers to as "Feds".
At Blue base, Felix states that he is a mercenary working for the Rebels and his mission was to find the Reds and Blues and convince them to help the rebel cause against the Federal Army, as they are considered to be the some of the greatest soldiers in the galaxy for taking down Project Freelancer. However, the Reds and Blues refuse and state that they only want to get off the planet, as they don't want to get involved in another war. Felix then radios the rebel command and requests immediate extraction. He then warns the Reds and Blues that they will need to fortify the canyon as best as they can, in order to prepare for an imminent attack.
Fade in to the canyon. The Reds and the Blues are standing in line in front of Felix, in the middle of the canyon. Cut to Doc standing up in front of Felix.
Doc: There, good as new.
Felix: I can't feel my toes.
Donut: That's normal.
Felix: Is it?
Washington aims his rifle towards Felix's face.
Felix: H-hey, whoa!
Washington: You need to start talking.
Felix: Hmm, aggressive, paranoid, and a little melodramatic—you must be Agent Washington.
Tucker: Ha! Melodramatic.
Felix: And that means the rest of you are the Reds and the Blues.
Caboose: Oh my God, how did he know that?!
Grif: We're wearing red and blue armor.
Caboose: But how can he tell?
Grif: (exasperated) Will somebody please fix his helmet?
Washington: How do you know who we are?
Felix: Seriously? Come on man, everybody knows about you guys. You're heroes.
Felix: You're the team that brought down Project Freelancer. You're some of the galaxy's greatest soldiers.
Simmons: (looks at the others) Well, I can see how you might think that.
Sarge: Because it's absolutely true!
Doc: It's partially true.
Grif: But mainly false.
Washington: Stop giving him information. (to Felix) What's your name?
Washington: Okay, Felix, what are you doing here?
Felix: Do you want the long answer or the short one?
Washington: Do you want another bullet in your leg?
Felix: Hey, that bullet's there because of you.
Tucker: He's got a point.
Washington: (lowers gun) Just...explain what's going on.
Grif: Uh yeah, like who were those guys that were trying to kill us?
Simmons: And why haven't we been rescued yet?
Felix: Wait, where do you think you are?
Tucker: What do you mean?
Felix: I mean, do you understand where you've crashed?
Sarge: Well, we've been taking bets. Highest wager's currently on Bermuda Triangle. After that, we've got Gilligan's Island and purgatory.
Grif: So stupid.
Donut: No, just think about it. It makes perfect sense.
Felix: The reason no one's come to help you is the same reason no one's come to help them.
Cut to four white soldiers, dead on the ground.
Cut back to Felix.
Felix: The people on this planet.
Washington: What planet?
Tucker: Never heard of it.
Felix: Well, I wouldn't expect you to. It's on the very edge of colonized space, and after the war between the humans and the aliens, it was more or less forgotten by Earth and the UNSC.
Grif: We crashed in the middle of nowhere, on a planet in the middle of nowhere. Fucking beautiful, everybody.
Simmons: But how did we end up so far from home? (camera focus on Sarge) It should have been a short flight.
Cut to the inside of the spaceship, before the crash. Sarge is seen tampering with the ship's engine
Spaceship operator: Sir, please, you can't be back here. These engines are delicate.
Sarge: Can it, Poindexter. No wonder this flight's taking so long! Who ever heard of delicate engines? These engines are supposed to be big. Loud. And terrible for the environment! Let's kick this baby into slipspace!
Spaceship operator: Wait!
Alarms and flashing red lights go off. Cut back to the canyon.
Sarge: Uh, one mystery at a time there, Simmons.
Felix: Now, being a small planet, completely free of UNSC jurisdiction, the nice little people of Chorus decided to run things on their own. The only problem was, they didn't do a very good job.
Grif: Ugh, history's the worst. Can you just get to the point?
Felix: The point is, you've crash-landed (cut to an overhead view of the canyon) in the middle of a civil war. (back to Felix) And I'm on the side that's trying to keep you alive.
Washington: And which side is that?
Felix: The New Republic. Essentially, a bunch of people got fed up with the way things were going on Chorus, so, they put together a rebel army and decided to fight for their freedom. It's all very patriotic.
Tucker: So, what? Does that make those guys (cut to the dead white soldiers) the Evil Empire or something? (back to Felix)
Felix: Yeah, you could say that.
Tucker: Oh. Well, fuck.
Washington: But why the attack? Why try to kidnap us?
Felix: It's like I said: you're the greatest soldiers in the galaxy. That makes you a pretty hot commodity. And I'd be lying if I said my shitty attempt at a rescue mission didn't have a few strings attached.
Sarge: What kind of strings we talking here?
Felix: (sighs) The rebels need your help. Once they heard that you were on Chorus, they sent me out with a small team to find you and bring you back. They're hoping you might be the key to winning this war.
The Reds and Blues look at each other for a moment.
Grif: Hmm, no.
Felix: (surprised) No?
Cut to the top story of Blue Base, where everyone has moved.
Simmons: Yeah, no.
Caboose: Yeah, that, that's not gonna work, for me.
Washington: Look, Felix, I hate to break it to you, but we're in no condition to fight a war.
Tucker: All we want is a ride off this shitty planet. No offense.
Felix: Meh, it ain't my shitty planet.
Doc: Aren't you one of the rebels?
Felix: No, I'm a freelancer.
The Reds and Blues (except for Caboose) immediately aim their weapons at Felix. Even Doc raises his medical scanner.
Felix: (quickly) No, I-I mean I'm a mercenary. You know, a gun for hire.
The group lower their weapons.
Grif: Oh, thank God.
Washington: They paid you to come find us?
Felix: They pay me to do lots of stuff, but yeah, you're my current paycheck.
Washington: So you want us to go fight someone else's war, just so you can make some extra cash.
Felix: ...Uh, it's for a good cause?
Washington: Right. We'll just take that ride out of here, if you don't mind.
Tucker: Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Mediocrity.
Grif: Woohoo! Here's to not going that extra mile.
Felix: You know, I wasn't alone when I came out here to find you. There were three of us. Just think about that.
Felix turns and walks away.
Grif: Whatever. It's not like we asked them to save us.
Simmons: (sarcastically) Yeah, we definitely didn't build a giant radio tower to send a distress signal or anything.
Grif: Shut up.
Felix walks to the edge of the base and activates his radio.
Felix: Headquarters, this is Felix. I've made contact with the Reds and Blues.
Headquarters: (over radio) Holy shit, you found them? That's great! Um, what's your status?
Felix: Not good. We ran into some Feds. I need an evac team.
Headquarters: (to himself) Dammit. (to Felix) Uh, Felix, I can't just fly somebody out there.
Felix: Yeah, I know, okay, but you send as many men as you can, as fast as you can. Locus has our position.
Headquarters: Oh, no.
Tucker: (overhearing) Who's Locus?
Felix: (to Headquarters) Now I want to do this quiet, and I want to do it right. But just to be safe, bring a shitload of guns.
Headquarters: Right. Sending reinforcements, sir.
Felix: Roger. Felix out.
Felix ends his transmission, turns, and walks back to the Reds and Blues.
Grif: So, what now?
Felix: Now we work on making this canyon the most defendable hole in the ground the universe has ever seen.
Felix: Because we're about to get hit, hard. I need a detailed list of the supplies you've got on hand. Let's set up choke points, and mark potential sniper's nests.
Washington: Whoa whoa whoa, slow down. We're not telling you anything. We still don't even know if we can believe you.
Felix: Well, believe this: if we don't prepare for a fight, we might as well just be waiting for a massacre.
Washington: (bows head acceptingly) Tucker, see if you can fix Caboose's helmet.
Caboose: Yes, who said that!
Washington: Sarge, you and the Reds build up an arsenal. If we can use it as a weapon, let's get it prepped.
Sarge: I can think of a few things that might come in handy.
Washington: Felix. You and I aren't done talking.
Felix: Well all right then. Let's see if you guys are as good as they say.
Grif: Prepare to be sorely disappointed.
- The orange soldier's name is revealed to be "Felix".
- It is revealed that Sarge also contributed to the ship's crash landing, by messing with the ship's engines.
- The factions "New Republic" and "Empire" mentioned by Felix are likely references to Star Wars' Rebel Alliance to restore the Republic and Galactic Empire respectively.
- The episode's title is an acronym for "Frequently Asked Questions", which references the Reds' and Blues' questions about the situation to Felix.
- Felix's statement of "You want the long answer or the short one?" is a reference to Have We Met?, where Church asks Caboose a similar question.
- Felix's statement of being a freelancer and comparing the title to being a mercenary is a reference to A Shadow of His Former Self, where Tucker and Caboose have a similar explanation.
- When the group is at Blue base, the Reds and Blues are aligned next to one another in order of color and shade, similar to a color wheel (aqua, cobalt, blue, purple, maroon, red, orange, and pink).
- When Felix announces he is a freelancer the others point their weapons at him; this included Doc, which is odd because he has stated on multiple occasions that he is a pacifist. It is possible he was willing to bend the rules considering how deadly the Freelancers have proven to be or was done for simple humor.