Blue vs. Red

Blue vs. Red
General Information
Season	15
Episode	12
Running time	8:51
Production
Aired	June 18, 2017 (FIRST members) June 25, 2017 (public)

Blue vs. Red is the twelfth episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 15. It aired on June 18, 2017, for FIRST members and June 25, 2017, for the general public. It is the 315th episode overall.

Characters

Blues and Reds

• Temple
• Buckey
• Loco
• Gene
• Cronut
• Surge
• Lorenzo
• Biff

Interstellar Daily

• Dylan Andrews
• Jax Jonez

Plot

Several years before the events of Season 15, the Desert Gulch Reds, led by Surge, take control of the Desert Gulch Blues' base but come under heavy fire by the Blues. Temple reveals to the Reds that they have taken Lorenzo hostage and demand that they return their base. Having stored secret plans in Lorenzo, Surge agrees to talk terms with the Blues but Temple demands they send somebody else to negotiate with rather than Surge. The Reds, as a result, agree to send their team's orange counterpart, Biff, instead. After a strange talk between the two sim-troopers about which part of the body would feel the least pain from a gunshot, Temple and Biff agree, at the behest of their respective team members, to trade Lorenzo for the base.

The scene transitions to present day, where Temple narrates the Blues and Reds' everyday situation at Desert Gulch to Dylan and Jax, who are held hostage by the Blues and Reds. Temple then continues the story, transitioning us back to the past. At night, Temple manages to slip away from Blue Base to a hidden part of the canyon where Biff surprises him with a beer he got from shore leave. As the two reminisce about their shared past around a campfire, Dylan, while listening to the story, immediately realizes that Biff and Temple already knew each other, to which Temple reveals that he and Biff were friends in their youth and enlisted together; something Project Freelancer overlooked.

Back in the past, Biff surprises Temple again with news that he's planning to return to Earth in order to be with his girlfriend Georgina, whom he previously went AWOL for during his shore leave. However, this time, Biff ensures that he's leaving for good to be with her and needs to get a medical discharge to do it (hence the gunshot questions he asked earlier). Though taken aback by this, Temple agrees to help his friend. As the two figure out the details, jokingly ribbing each other in the process, the Project Freelancer's flagship, Mother of Invention, approaches Armada 8 from space.

Transcript

Open to several shots of the Desert Gulch as the old Trocadero theme plays. Camera focuses on the Blue base as gunfire is heard. Cut Gene running up to Surge inside the base,

Gene: Sir! They're making another push!

Surge: Shoot back! Victory is close at hand! Their flag must be around here somewhere.

Gene: But, sir we're completely-

Surge: "But" nothin'! A soldier follows orders no matter what! Just do what I tell you, son.

Gene: Yes, sir!

Cut to Gene join Cronut atop the base under heavy fire.

Gene: Return fire, Cronut!

Cronut: With what? We are out of ammo. I'm shooting blanks over here!

Gene: In that case, we'll have to resort to plan B...

The two stand up and start yelling at the Blues.

Gene: YOU SUCK! And you're...bad at math!

Cronut: Your table manners leave much to be desired!

Gene: You smell like maybe you forgot to wear deodorant today!

Cronut: Your mother's lasagna is mediocre!

Zoom out to the Blues watching.

Bucky: They're attempting to insult us, sir.

Temple: Yeah, I fuckin' noticed. This oughta shut 'em up.

Temple fires a sniper shot right between the two reds, who then take cover.

Bucky: Ooh! Let me try!

Temple: Not happening, dude.

Bucky: Oh come on! How come you always get the sniper rifle?

Temple: Because your too busy getting the prisoner...Also because go fuck yourself.

Cut to Lorenzo's head as stereotypical Italian music plays.

Gene: Mama mia! They got Lorenzo!

Lorenzo: Questa non è la mia Domenica perfetta. [This is not my perfect Sunday.]

Temple: That's right! We got your fuckin' robot! So, give us back our base or we smash the Goomba!

Gene: Whoa, dude! That's super racist!

Temple: What? No it isn't!

Bucky: It is kinda racist, dude.

Temple: No, a Goomba! Like in Mario!

Lorenzo: E 'ancora razzista. [It's still racist.]

Temple: Whatever! Everyone, shut up or we're all gonna find out what kind of filling is inside this canoli!

Bucky: Ugh... Not better.

Gene: Oh no, what are we gonna do?! Ideas! Anybody?

Unknown: (off screen) Oooh... I've got one.

Cut to reveal an unknown orange soldier.

Orange soldier: If you guys had to get shot somewhere in your body, where would you do it?

Gene: Not now, Biff! We're in the middle of a war!

Biff: It's a legit question, dudes.

Cronut: How 'bout the pinky toe? That little piggy's had it comin' for ages.

Biff: Are you crazy? All the nerves in your whole body end in your toes, idiot. I wanna take a bullet, not feel pain.

Surge runs up and joins the group.

Surge: The Blue bastards have hidden their flag somethin' fierce!

Gene: Oh, and they have Lorenzo, Surge!

Surge: Blast! We can't let them keep the robot. I've hid all our top-secret battle station plans in that droid! We'll have to hold out for reinforcements. How's our ammo?

Gene and Cronut exchange a worried look. An eagle cry is heard. Cut to Surge addressing the Blues.

Surge: Listen up, you dirty blue bastards! Red team is graciously and selflessly willing to open negotiations. Your base are belong to us. Surrender now and we'll spare your meaningless lives.

Temple:(mumbling) Christ, this song again...(to Reds) Who's your negotiator?

Surge: heheh Me!

Temple: No deal! Your last two parlays ended with literal back-stabbing. Send someone else.

Surge: How about Biff? He's expendable if the talks break down.

Temple: Yeah, whatever.

Cut to Temple and Biff talking in no mans land.

Biff: The butt? Are you insane? That's right next to my jingo-jangos, okay? Bullets splinter.

Temple: How 'bout the arm?

Biff: Arteries.

Temple: Ooh, the ear?

Biff: What? Yeah, I can't hear you because some idiot shot my ear off! No way. *growls* There's gotta be some part of the body that's expendable.

Temple: You just need to get shot in the appendix.

Biff: If only I were a book...

Surge: (from afar) Biff! Biff! Stab-hay. Him-lay. In the back. M'kay?

Temple: (beat) Was that supposed to be Pig Latin?

Bucky: Can you hurry it up, Temple!? Preferably before they find my Masturbatorium!

Temple and Biff just stare.

Temple: Stop it, man.

Biff: Stop what?

Temple: You're staring at me.

Biff: Am not.

Temple: Are too! I know what you're thinking.

Biff: No you don't.

Temple: This is all my fault.

Biff: I didn't- look, I didn't say a thing.

Temple: Well you're right, okay? I'm guilty.

Biff: Whoa! Can we talk about this later? Alright? Everyone is staring at us.

Temple: Fine.

Awkward silence.

Biff: Uhh... Trade you... base for a robot.

Temple: Yeah, dude.

Cut to a Temple telling the story in the present day. With Dylan and Jax as a captive audience.

Temple: It was the same damn shit with the same damn idiots. They get a thing, we steal the thing. We get a tank, they blow it up. It was like living in a... fuckin' Loony Toons cartoon. We didn't know it yet... But all that was about to change.

Cut to the Blue base at night, back in the flashback. Temple comes out of the base and walks out towards the rocks.

Loco: (off screen) Halt!

Loco is seen on top of the base aiming at Temple.

Loco: Who goes there?

Temple: Uh, It's me! Goin' on patrol.

Loco: No. You're talking to your best friend!

Temple: W-What?

Loco: Me!

Temple: Oh ri-right. Yeah, of course I am. Loco, why don't you get some sleep.

Loco: Heh, okay! *snoring*

Temple: ...Whatever...

Temple keeps walking.

Loco: (sleep talking) Leave me alone, sky puppet...

Cut to Temple standing alone in the rocky area.

Biff: (off screen) Heads up.

Temple turns and catches a can of beer thrown by Biff.

Temple: Holy fuck! Where the hell'd you get one of these?

Cut to Biff approaching, six pack in hand.

Biff: Shore leave. Drink up, (Surge impression) ya damn dirty blue.

Cut to the two stand by a bonfire.

Biff: (beat) Hey, you remember Pearson's class? History, freshman year?

Temple: Uh...I remember someone drawing dicks on my notebook every time I went to the bathroom.

Biff: *laughs* Oh, and then he'd do those damn notebook checks. The look on your stupid face...

Temple: *laughing* Fuckin' asshole. What're bringin' that up for?

Biff: Georgina was in that class. You know? That-That's where we met.

Temple: I remember, it took you two years to finally ask her out. That, was a fun day.

Biff: Fun. Right. Yeah, you managed to unite the entire fucking cafeteria in a slow clap, you jackass.

Temple: *laughs* (beat) We should've joined the fucking Coast Guard...

Biff: Yup.

Temple: I bet the Coast Guard doesn't, divide it's people into teams and have 'em, shoot at each other with loaded assault rifles.

Biff: Oh, they actually do, they just, use harpoon guns instead.

Temple: What...?

Dylan: (voice over) So, you two were friends before the service.

Cut back to present day.

Dylan: (cont'd) You knew each other?

Temple: Yeah, that's right. We grew up together. We enlisted together. "Buddy Team", they called it. Freelancer overlooked that fact when they assigned us to opposite teams in the same canyon... We found that fact out later.

Dylan: Was that at the Freelance-

Temple: (angrily) This isn't an interview, Dylan Andrews! Shut the fuck up and listen! (beat) The conversation inevitably turned to the same place it always did...

Cut back to the past.

Biff: You ever wonder what the fuck we're doing here...?

Temple: Like, all the goddamn time! The way I see it, it's gotta be some super-important government shit. Some, like critical testing stuff. When we get out, there's gonna be, medals, awards... fuckin' parades for us, dude.

Biff: For you. Not me, I'm getting out soon.

Temple: Yeah?

Biff: Yeah, medical discharge.

Temple: ...For real?

Biff: I'm not fuckin' with you.

Temple: This whole situation is garbage enough to begin with, but... at least we're in it together-

Biff: We're in it against each other, in case you hadn't noticed.

Temple: You know what I mean! Ah-ha... I would never do that to you...

Biff: (beat) Red Team had shore leave awhile back and I snuck back to Earth... (beat) Went AWOL, stowed away on a transport.

Temple: For real...?

Biff: Yeah, it wasn't easy but I had to see Georgina.

Temple: Keepin' the old flame alive... So, wait, she hasn't moved on?

Biff: No dude, it's, super serious between us. That's why I need to get back. I don't wanna, say you owe me one, but-

Temple: Uh, yeah, yeah...  I'm the only reason you're fuckin' here. Y'know, if I had frequent flyer miles for every one of your guilt trips, I could cover your entire trip back to Earth.

Biff: So you're in?

Temple: Way I see it... it's my job to shoot you anyway. Might even give me a medal for this.

Biff: That's the spirit! Alright.  So, brass tacks. My pinky finger. I need you to shoot it off. Alright? I've thought about it a lot and that's gonna be my best bet.

Temple: Done. I've been waiting to shoot you since we were kids.

Temple draws his magnum.

Biff: Ah, not now! We need witnesses, reports n' shit, alright? I'll need the pension when I get out.

Temple: I could shoot you now for practice.

Biff: Oh, good idea...

Temple: I figure we can try a bunch of places and you can let me know what hurts the least.

Biff: Brilliant.

Temple: Semi or full auto?

Biff: Riddle me with holes.

Temple: Oh, thank god I brought along those explosive rounds.

Biff: Hmm. What're friends for?

Temple: (voice over) Plan was simple: Biff gets hurt. Gets a medical discharge. First-class ticket back home. But you know what they say...

Cut to the Mother of Invention approaching the planet.

Temple: (voice over, cont'd) No plan survives first contact with the enemy.

Gallery

Trivia

• The title is a reference to the title of the show but in reverse, a reference to Reconstruction: Chapter 4.
• The episode reveals that the Blues and Reds did, in fact, have their own version of Grif named Biff.
• Surge was seen using a shotgun like Sarge in the past.
• In the past the Blues and Reds, excluding Surge and Temple used Assault Rifles as their primary weapons, similar to how the cast used Assault Rifles back in Halo CE when they switched from the Magnum.
  • The Blues and Reds also used a standard Halo 5 M6H sidearm in the past.
• In the past Bucky is revealed to have not used a sniper rifle.
• The Blues and Reds used several of the shows Running Gags in the past.
  • The Tucker never uses the Sniper Rifle gag is used but with Bucky in place of Tucker.
  • The Why are We Here gag is used.
  • Lopez being a severed head but with Lorenzo instead of Lopez.
• Temple mentions the Looney Tunes.
• Surge said that he put all of his team's battle plans in Lorenzo a reference to the earlier seasons where Sarge put all of his team's battle plans inside of Lopez.
• Temple's racist remarks to Lorenzo may be a reference to when Simmons made racist remarks about Lopez in Directions and My House, From Here.
• The Mario franchise is mentioned, as well as how the Goomba enemy shares its name with a slur about Italians.
• It is revealed that Bucky had his own masturbatorium located somewhere in blue base, just like Tucker.
• Surge telling Gene that a soldier follows orders no matter what could be a reference to Locus' old CO telling him the same thing.

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