|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|"A Very Special Mother's Day Message"|
Unhelpful viewers tips are given on what to buy mothers for Mother's Day, beginning with a display of what could go wrong, where Grif has bought his mother, roleplayed by Simmons, a series of gifts the latter despises. A scene is then shown in which Caboose, as the son, has made Donut, as his mother, a coffee mug which has already been broken and left elsewhere and all his money has been spent on Yu-Gi-Oh cards instead of a gift. Satisfied with the performances, Sarge then suggests an assortment of possible gifts using a scrolling list which moves too quickly to be read.
Fade in to Tucker and Sarge standing next to each other.
Sarge: Well hello. I'm Sarge from the popular webseries Red Vs. Blue.
Tucker: And I'm Private Tucker.
Sarge: We're here to talk to you about a very special event happening this weekend for many women. Maybe even one you know.
Tucker: That's right. This Saturday is Ladies' Night at the Rusty Nail and Screw!
Sarge: Ahruh, actually Tucker, I was talking about Mother's Day.
Tucker: What? Oh. Dammit!
Sarge: Ya know, a lot of kids out there are probably wondering what to get their Ma on this special day.
Tucker: Not me. She was a dirty tramp.
Sarge: That explains a lot.
Tucker: Finding the right gift for your Mom can sometimes be difficult.
Sarge: When giving a gift on Mother's Day, try to remember that your ma is a unique and special person.
Sarge: That can mean that going the safe route, might not always be so safe.
Tucker: Why whatever do you mean, Sarge?
Sarge: Let's take a look at an example. Grif and Simmons have politely agreed to help us demonstrate by performing a little skit.
Screen shifts over to Grif and Simmons.
Grif: I don't wanna do this!
Simmons: What're you complaining about? You got the easy part. I'm the one wearing pantyhose under my armor because Sarge believes in Method Acting.
Sarge: Don't you two make me come over there! Now get to demonstratin'!
Grif: (sigh) Mother. I love you because you violently squeezed me out of your womb.
Grif then holds up a bouquet of flowers.
Grif: Here are some flowers I bought for you at a flower place. Happy official day for mothers.
Simmons: Worthless daughter. How could you be so thoughtless? You know I am allergic to flowers. Also you're adopted and I never loved you. I will now send you to live in shame, with a robot foster family.
Screen tilts over slightly to show Church and Sheila.
Sarge: Whoa, Nelly! That didn't go very well at all.
Tucker: Flowers seem like the perfect gift because they are pretty and boring, like most women, but that plan sure backfired.
Sarge: Now let's take a look at what happens when you go to a little extra effort.
Tucker: Take it away, Donut and Caboose!
Camera moves over to Donut and Caboose.
Donut: Hello son, how are you.
Caboose: Sheila!? I mean mother? Because it is Mother's Day and I love you so, I made you a very ugly coffee mug in shop class today.
Donut: Oh, thank you my son, where is it?
Caboose: I left it at school. Also, it is broken.
Donut: Thank you my child, you always think of the perfect thing to do for me.
Caboose: I spent my allowance on Yu-Gi-Oh trading cards, and meat flavored bubble gum.
Donut: My angel.
Back to Sarge.
Sarge: (entering from the right) Aaand scene. So now you see how the personal touch, is what really makes all the difference when selecting a Mother's Day gift.
Tucker: What? That last skit didn't make any sense whatsoever!
Tucker: This is retarded, I'm leaving.
Tucker then leaves.
Sarge: Remember kids, you only have one mother. Unless you come from a progressive home like Donut's. So be good to her on Mother's Day. And now, for those of you who still don't have any good gift ideas, here's a list of Sarge-approved items you might want to consider.
Sarge turns to the side to watch his list scroll by extraordinarily quickly.
Sarge: Happy Mother's Day.
Cut to black.
Donut: (voice) Hey wait a minute! It's over already!? I didn't even get a chance to breast-feed anyone! Oh man, my nipples are already lactating!
Sarge's Gift IdeasEdit
Sarge supplies a list of gift ideas for Mother's day. All of them are repeated twice. Seen only for a second, here is the full listing:
- Extra-bendy Cactus
- Exotic Flightless Bird
- Undercarriage Washer
- Dispenser of Goodies
- Yoga-tizing Spatula
- Mutant Goblin
- Argentine Man-Servant
- Space Goo (or similar)
- Fractal Misnomer
- Old Shoe Horn
- Old Horn
- New Shoe
- Smaller Crawdads
- Sandbox (with box)
- Transparent Ding-Gong
- Articulated Thing
- Round One (or likewise)
- Candy with Tips
- Somambulent Honkie
- Misguided Dobo
- Banjo Spaceship
- Parachutes and Fishes
- Tu Blave
- Macchu Picchu
- Most Postacio
- Mustafa Portencio
- Claven (sans nuts)
- Sharks, all types
- Wind Samples
- Extraordinary Slorf