A Special Holiday Message is a PSA in which Grif and Church argue about the pros and cons of celebrating the holidays. This PSA is a sequel of Tattoo Point/Counterpoint.
Synopsis[]
In another Point/Counterpoint debate, Church argues against celebrating Christmas, while Grif argues for it.
Characters[]
Red Team[]
Blue Team[]
Transcript[]
Church and Grif are standing in front of the Warthog, which is in front of the red base
Church: Hi. I'm Private Church, from the popular web-series, Red Vs. Blue.
Grif: And I'm Private Dexter Grif, the star of that show. You know, at this time of year, many people are face in a tough decision.
Cut to just Church
Church: That's right. The question of whether you avoid the overwhelming madness and mass hysteria known as the holiday season.
Cut to just Grif
Grif: Or whether you should embrace this time and celebrate the spirit of humanity.
Cut to Church and Grif
Church: To dissolve this difficult issue, we present to you, another "Point/Counterpoint" edition of Red Vs. Blue.
Grif: Should you avoid the holidays?
Cut back to just Church, and at the bottom of the screen reads "Pvt. L.L. Church - Counterpoint"
Church: I think it's painfully obvious, that you should avoid the holidays. But don't take my word for it. Let's look at the facts:
On screen appears "Church's Facts"
Church: Number one: You don't need gifts.
On screen appears "You don't need gifts."
Church: If you want something, just go buy it. Look if I wanted a plastic fish...
On screen appears a picture of Gemmy Industries' Big Mouth Billy Bass
Church: ...that could sing "Louie Louie",
On screen appears a picture of Gemmy Industries' Big Mouth Billy Bass, but in activation
Church: I'd buy myself, but guess what,
On screen appears a picture of Gemmy Industries' Big Mouth Billy Bass, but in activation, but with a red "X" crossed out
Church: I don't want one. Nobody wants one. Which brings me to fact number two.
On screen appears "You have no good ideas."
Church: You have no idea what to buy anyone. Remember all those good gift ideas you had last year? Of course you don't. You know why? You didn't have any. Nobody ever had good gift ideas. And when they can't think of something, they try to put it off on the other person and tell them, "You're hard to shop for".
On screen appears "You are hard to shop for"
Church: As if that's some kind of insult you're supposed to be easy to shop for. Let me tell you something. Nobody is hard to shop for.
On screen appears "You never like anything."
Church: You're just a cheap, uncreative, idiot who tries to do everything at the last minute.
Cut back to Church and Grif
Church: And finally, I'd like to clear up a common misconception. Holiday food sucks. Personally, I don't even like turkey. You know what I like even less?
Cut back to just Church, and on screen appears "More Blatant Lies"
Church: That's right, old turkey.
On screen appears "Most turkey is actually made of chicken."
Church: You gotta eat this stuff for weeks straight. Have you ever heard of anyone in the summer saying "Hey, I'm going to take June off, and I'm going to eat nothing but hot dogs every meal".
On screen appears "I am the hot dog eating king of four countries."
Church: Hot dog jambalaya, hot dog sandwiches, hot dog casserole.
Cut back to Church and Grif
Church: It's ridiculous. So why do we do it in December?
Grif: Well, my colleague is certainly entitled to his opinion. I think most people agree the holidays are worth celebrating.
Cut back to just Grif, and at the bottom of the screen is "Pvt. Dexter Grif - Match point, thirty love"
Grif: As long as you follow some simple rules to make this season more enjoyable.
On screen appears "Grif's Holiday Tips"
Grif: Tip number one: Plan ahead.
On screen appears "Plan ahead."
Grif: We all know that every year the stores run out of all the good gifts early. So what I do? Buy up all this year's hot items. Now, you can resell them in a few weeks for a huge markup.
On screen appears "Buy low, sell high."
Grif: You'll make a killing. A few years ago, I bought up an entire Toys "R" Us worth of Tickle Me Elmo dolls.
On screen appears "Crying kids = easy cash."
Grif: I made four thousand dollars from insane parents desperate to get one for the kids.
Cut back to just Church.
Church: Yep. Cashing in on the tears of children. That's a holiday spirit.
Cut back to just Grif.
Grif: (to Church) Quiet, Scrooge. (To audience) When giving your receiving gifts, it really helps to think outside the box. My second tip: Consider re-gifting as an option.
On screen appears "Re-Gifting Ideas".
Grif: Sure, that bottle of Scotch you received last year may not have been your brand.
On screen appears "Liquor (uncommon)".
Grif: So why not wrap it back up and give it to your little nephew, Billy.
On screen appears "Underwear (duh!)".
Grif: You know he probably wasn't the one that gave it to you in the first place.
On screen appears "Mystery meat".
Grif: Since he's underage and all.
On screen appears "Anything brown".
Grif: So there's very little chance you'll get caught in a re-gift by the original gifter.
Cut back to Church and Grif.
Grif: A classic rookie re-gift from mistake.
Church: This is bad on so many levels.
Grif: And finally, I'd like to address this of holiday dinner leftovers.
Cut back to just Grif
Grif: Eating turkey is a tradition that dates back to the pilgrims, but let's not forget their friends, the Indians, make lots of great food too. Like spicy curry chicken and lamb vindaloo and that spinach stuff with the weird name.
Church: (offscreen) wrong Indians.
Grif: Whatever, just order Chinese food for all I care. The point is it doesn't matter what you eat, what you give,
Cut back to just Church
Church: Or how much money you can make reselling hard to find toys out of the trunk of your car.
Cut back to Church and Grif
Grif: Exactly. The point is this is a special time of year that brings out the best in all of us. Even Sarge.
Church and Grif looking on the right, which cuts to Sarge wearing a Santa hat.
Sarge: I told you already I don't want to do this.
Grif: (offscreen; to Sarge) Come on, just say the line.
Sarge: (sighs in embarrassment) Ho ho ho, dirtbag.
Cuts to Sarge looking at Church and Grif.
Church: (to Sarge) Hey Saint Nick, where's Mrs. Claus?
Sarge: Who? Donut?
Cuts back to just Sarge
Sarge: He's been riding around in one of the reindeer that Grif rented.
Cuts back to Sarge, Church and Grif.
Sarge: We can't get him to stop.
Donut rides his reindeer passing Sarge, Church and Grif.
Donut: Woo-hoo!
Cuts back to Sarge
Sarge: He named him Chauncey.
Donut and Chauncey passing just Sarge.
Donut: Go Chauncey go! Hyah!
Cuts back to Sarge, Church and Grif.
Sarge: By the way Blue, I think Chauncey left a little surprise in your dressing room.
Cut back to Church and Grif; Church looks around a little bit.
Church: (to Grif) I hate this fucking holiday.
Grif: (to Church) Hey, how come you get a dressing room? When did that happen?
Cut back to just Church
Church: So in conclusion, let's review.
On screen appears "Final Review"
Church: Gifts: lame,
On screen appears "Gifts are lame."
Church: You: moron,
On screen appears "You are a moron."
Church: And food: I would rather eat my own face...
On screen appears "I love hot dogs."
Church: ...than another turkey sandwich.
Cut back to just Grif
Grif: But most importantly, don't forget.
On screen appears "Points to Remember"
Grif: Desperate parents will pay outrageous prices...
On screen appears "Make price gouging work for you!"
Grif: ...to secure the love of their child. And watch out for that re-gift boomerang effect.
On screen appears "Give other people stuff you hate, like toothpaste and soap."
Grif: Also, consider other traditional dishes for your holiday meal, like moo goo gai pan or kung pao beef.
Cut back to Church and Grif
Church: (to Grif) Hey, has anybody seen Simmons? He was supposed to give me a ride to the mall so I can return all my crappy gifts from last year.
Grif: (to Church; giggling) Yeah. I kind of told him we're doing the holiday video on Sidewinder because we needed snow.
Meanwhile; Cut to Simmons in Sidewinder.
Simmons: Hello! Anybody! I brought fruitcake!
Cut back to Church and Grif
Grif: (to Church; giggling) heeheeheeheeheehee.
Church: (Sarcastic to Grif) That's real nice, Grif.
Grif: (to Church) Hey, don't be mad. Wait until you see the gift I got you this year.
Church: (to Grif) Was it something Caboose gave you last year?
Grif: (to Church) Maybe so.
Church: (Sarcastically) Great. Another plastic singing fish.
Grif: (to Church) This one knows the words to "Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting"
Church: I got an idea. Why don't you all go out and buy microwaves to reheat your turkey, you capitalist pawns.
Donut: Whoo! Go Chauncey go!
Gallery[]
Trivia[]
- Church mentioned the Big Mouth Billy Bass made by Gemmy Industries. Although, it didn't play "Louie Louie" because it plays "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin and "Take Me to the River" by Al Green.
- This shows that Church doesn't like that toy.
- Grif mentioned the gift he was giving knows the lyric to the popular song "Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas, but that is a reference to the song that the dancing Kung Fu Hamster plush plays.
- This reveals that Church's favorite food is hotdogs.
- Grif calls Church Scrooge which seems a reference to protagonist character Ebenezer Scrooge from Charles Dickens' story, A Christmas Carol.
- The similarity shows that Church doesn't like Christmas much.
- This reveals that Church has his own dressing room.
Video[]
