|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|"A Fistful of Colours"|
|Airdate|| May 21, 2017 (FIRST members)|
May 28, 2017 (public)
A Fistful of Colours is the eighth episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 15. It aired on May 21, 2017 for FIRST members and May 28, 2017 for the general public. It is the 311th episode overall.
- Spencer Porkensenson (Mentioned only)
Dylan, Jax, and the Reds and Blues arrive at the location of the transmitter on Armada 8: a barren box canyon in the middle of nowhere. The group suddenly realizes the area is an exact replica of Blood Gulch. After Caboose calls out if anyone is around, he is met by his impostor, who not only looks like him but has his exact personality; even a similar name, "Loco." Soon after, the rest of the impostors come out of hiding, followed by their leader. After a brief standoff due to a misunderstanding, the two teams meet up.
The leader, named Temple (who looks and acts a lot like Church), explains that they are not merely cosplaying as the Reds and Blues but are also a group of simulation troopers for Project Freelancer, with direct counterparts to the crew: "Surge" (Sarge), "Loco" (Caboose), "Bucky" (Tucker), "Cronut" (Donut), "Gene" (Simmons), and "Lorenzo" (Lopez, who speaks Italian). The imposters call themselves "the Blues and Reds." Temple then claims that the UNSC has been killing off everyone associated with Project Freelancer: not just former agents, but all personnel, including simulation troopers. They believe that Church is the UNSC's prisoner, and built the relays to contact the Reds and Blues. Before Temple can explain their new strategy, Surge's proximity alert goes off, and four ships open fire on the canyon, forcing the group into one of the bases.
The Reds and Blues and the Blues and Reds pair off to defeat the ships: Sarge and Surge use rocket launchers to take out one, Lopez and Lorenzo draw their fire on the ground, Donut and Cronut draw their fire on the roof of the base, and Tucker and Temple use their respective weapons to defeat the last two ships. The fight ends with no casualties (although both Lopez and Lorenzo are dismembered, leaving just their heads).
The group then heads down below the surface to an underwater complex. Caboose notices a large device, which Temple claims is a cloaking device his team has utilized. He then leads the Blood Gulch Crew and reporters to the mess hall for dinner. Bucky asks Tucker if he has a thing with Dylan, commenting on how his own team is "a bit of a sausage party." Tucker replies that he knows all about sausage parties, only to quickly realize how that sounds. Bucky then leaves while saying "boom-chicka-waa-waa," leaving Tucker weirded out.
SIMMONS addresses the camera.
Simmons: I'm the one who keeps everything together. Logistic, dishes, laundry cleaning the guns, taking out the trash. You know, you think that would make me popular.
DYLAN and JAX are revealed to be interviewing him.
Jax: Not really.
Simmons: (sighing) Es ta le sulekha.(I'm so alone.)
Dylan: Excuse me?
Simmons: It means "I am so alone"? Jesus. doesn't anybody speak Esperanto?
Dylan: I always thought you were close with Grif. Weren't you two friends?
Simmons: N-no, friends have things in common. Shared interests, common sense of humor. Grif and I were practically different species. Seriously, I did a DNA test on him once. Do you want to know how much pygmy sloth he has in him? Because it's a lot.
We cut to the canyon from the end of the previous episode, as the Reds and Blues enter. The whole location looks a lot like Blood Gulch.
Dylan: It looks different from the others.
Tucker: I'm getting the weirdest déjà vu from this place...
Caboose: Boy, you leave Blood Gulch for a few years and it really falls to pieces.
Tucker: This isn't Blood Gulc––wait...hold up...
We pan across the canyon.
Caboose: Yup, see? Yep! There's Red Base, yup, and there's Blue Base...oh, and there's where I shot Church with a tank! That was a very exciting episode...
Tucker: Damn! He's right! It's a fucking Blood Gulch replica!
Donut: Oh, I planted a daylily patch before we left! Let's go check if it's here too?
Sarge: (dramatic) Not so fast! I smell an ambush... High cover all around! A small area to retreat... classic kill zone...
Tucker: I hate to agree with Sarge, but after what just happened, I think we should error on the side of caution.
Simmons: You mean err on the side of caution.
Tucker: Err? Err is not a word.
Simmons: Yes, it is! Watch, I'll even use it in a sentence! "Tucker was forced to pay for an entire elementary schools' worth of bastards, after an ERR in judgement."
Tucker: Wow. Way to make fun of a single parent, Simmons. Real mature.
Sarge: Lopez! We need intelligencia! Do a scan for life forms!
Lopez: Soy un robot, no la Enterprise Espacial. [I'm a robot, not the Starship Enterprise.]
Sarge: Jammed?! This is worse than I thought!
Tucker: Somebody should go ahead, we need a...umm, what'cha m'call it?
Simmons: A scout?
Tucker: I was gonna say, sacrifice, but Scout works too! We need to know if anyone is out there before we walk into this!
In the meantime, CABOOSE has climbed onto a rock. He shouts, and his voice echoes around the canyon.
Caboose: (shouting) HELLO! IS! ANYBODY! OUT! THERE?!
Tucker: (annoyed) ...or before Caboose does that.
Another voice rings from near a transmitter across the canyon.
A very Caboose-like voice: (shouting) JUST! OVER! HERE!
Donut: Man! The echoes in this canyon are weird!
Simmons: That wasn't an echo...that's someone here!
Dylan: Ask them who they are!
Sarge: Nono, find out if it's an ambush!
Caboose: (shouting) ARE YOU A BUSH?!
A very Caboose-like voice: NO! WELL, YEAH! PRETTY SURE!
The soldier runs out from hiding. He looks exactly like CABOOSE.
Not Caboose: I AM NOT A BUSH!
Dylan: Are you getting this?
Jax: Oh, yeah! And, I just discovered the anamorphic setting on my camera! This is gonna look epic!
Appropriately, the image mode switches to anamorphic as the two CABOOSES approach each other at the center of the canyon while some guitar strums play in the background.
They stare at each other silently. Then...
Caboose: Hello! Yeah, you look familiar, have we, umm...Have we met?
Not Caboose: I-I was about to ask you the same thing!
Not Caboose: Hmm...
Both: I-I don't, uuuh...I don't, uuuh...
Caboose: Oh, I know! Why don't you tell me a little bit more about yourself?
Not Caboose: I have a best friend! Even though sometimes he yells at me...Also! Whenever I get confused! I just say, "Neat."
Caboose: Neat! And uh, where do you see yourself in five years?
Simmons: Caboose, this isn't a job interview! Ask him why does he look like you!
Tucker: No, ask him if he's alone!
Caboose: Why do you look alone?
Not Caboose: We are throwing you a surprise party! All my friends are still hiding!
Surge: (offscreen) Dang it, Loco! You ruined it!
Loco: Oh! (whispered) Surprise.
Surge: We are coming out! Don't shoot!
And just like that, five soldiers who look like LOPEZ, SIMMONS, SARGE, DONUT, and TUCKER emerge from where LOCO was hiding earlier.
Tucker: Holy shit. It's us.
The soldiers stand in formation opposite their Red and Blue counterparts.
Sarge: Who in Sam Blazes are you? And why are you dressed like us?
Surge: Ease up there, compadre...That's for the boss to explain.
They look up. Standing on a cliff ledge is TEMPLE, the sniper-wielding blue soldier from before.
Temple: Brothers in arms, we greet you with open––
Caboose: You're not Church!
Temple: ...huh? But I didn't––
CABOOSE has abruptly appeared behind him.
Caboose: Where is he? Why are you dressed like him?
Surge: Perimeter breach! (he draws his weapon) Drop your weapon, son!
TUCKER draws his weapon.
Tucker: Get that gun off my teammate, redneck!
The maroon soldier draws his weapon.
Not Simmons, though he sounds exactly like him: Don't threaten Surge, you dirty Blue!
Tucker: Simmons, what are you doing?
Simmons: Th-that's not me, I'm over here!
Temple: Everyone, please! Let's all take a fucking chill pill, alright? Gene, Surge, lower the guns!
Surge: Sir, yes sir!
GENE and SURGE lower their weapons.
The two groups of soldiers face each other.
Temple: Ahem, sorry, this is all a little weird for me. I just can't believe you're all finally here!
Tucker: Alright, you're real big fans. Can't blame you there, but that's no reason to go around cosplaying as us, you creeps!
Temple: Wh-haha, n-no we're not just dressing like you! We're like you!...that sounds funny, uh, okay, we were also sim-troopers for Project Freelancer. We were stationed here, in this gulch.
Sarge: I don't buy it...
Surge: It's true, son. Every word.
Simmons: Yeah, this is a little hard to believe. I mean, you have a Sarge, a Tucker, a Donut––
Temple: Well, actually it's Surge, Bucky, and Cronut.
Simmons: What's next, you're going to tell us you have a Spanish speaking robot as well?
Gene: Of course not, that would be absurd! Lorenzo speaks Italian!
Lorenzo: Ciao. Come stai, nuovi estranei? [Hello. How are you, new strangers?]
Temple: I'm Temple. I'm the leader of our team. Not because I want to, it sorta fell in my lap. We call ourselves the Blues and Reds.
Sarge: Terrible name!
Temple: With that out of the way, how about we get the fuck out of here? It ain't safe above ground right now.
Tucker: We came here expecting to find Church, not a bunch of knock-off clones! So why don't you tell us what's going on, and we can decide where to kill you or not!
Temple: We'll tell you everything, just...can we do it in a safer place?
Tucker: Not happening, dude.
Dylan: Why don't you start with all the attacks?
Temple: I'll start at the truth. The UNSC. The same military you enlisted in, the one that sold your lives and souls to Project Freelancer, well apparently that wasn't enough for them. They're going around killing off everyone involved with the project.
Tucker: Woah, back up. You're suggesting the UNSC is killing the Freelancers.
Temple: (bitter) That's just the cap of the iceberg. It's everyone. Agents, sim-troopers, techs, pilots, janitors...
Donut: But, why?
Temple: I don't know if it's some splinter cell, or some four-star bureaucrat sweeping us all under the rug before he runs for office...but the situation is the same. We only risked coming here because we knew you were close, and we had to warn you.
Tucker: And just how does Church play into all of this? The beacons? The coverup?
Temple: We think he's their prisoner. I don't know how long they've had him, or where he is. We've been gathering intel about our enemies, and we came across his transmission in one of their networks. We built these relays to get in contact. We thought you'd wanna know.
Tucker: So, Dylan, are these or are these not the guys that tried to kill you on Sidewinder?
Dylan: I believe they are.
Temple: We what?...You WHAT?
Gene: It's Bucky's fault!
Bucky: You were the one who shot first!
Gene: You gave the order to shoot!
Bucky: I meant shoot like "damn," not shoot like shoot! No matter what, you should've errored on the side of caution, Gene!
Gene: How many times do I have to tell you, it's "err"!
Simmons: He's right, "err" is a word!
Tucker and Bucky: No, it's not!
Gene: Regardless, we realized we fucked up and ran away. And they attacked us with that maniac bounty hunter of theirs!
Tucker: Wait a second. The bounty hunter was with you?
Dylan: Temple, even if what you say is true, it's Chorus that's paying the price for your attacks.
Temple: Chorus? That's old news, lady. The peace talks worked. Chorus is fine. We have a new strategy now anyway. A––
Something starts beeping. TEMPLE looks at SURGE.
Temple: What is it, Surge?
Surge: Proximity alert just went off! We got incoming!
Tucker: Incoming what?
They all look up.
Temple: Bad guys.
Four fighter jets emerge from behind the cliffs and starts heading towards their position.
UNSC Pilot 1: Targets located. Fixing missile lock.
The two teams retreat.
UNSC Pilot 2: Haha, oh yeah, look at 'em run!
UNSC Pilot 1: Outlook spotted weapons free. Engage.
UNSC Pilot 3: Apple two, fox three!
The soldiers retreat into a base.
Simmons: Ahh, run!
Loco: I died!
Dylan: Roll camera!
Jax: Oh, this is gonna be great for my reel!
SARGE fires shot after shot at the jets while SURGE comes running out with a rocket launcher. He fires a shot, which one of the fighters dodges.
Surge: Grab one, son. That's an order!
Sarge: Woah, woah, woah! Rank check!
Sarge: Same. Do you remember the procedure for this?
Surge: Hehe, of course!
They play Rock, Paper, Scissors. SURGE beats SARGE with paper.
SARGE pulls out a rocket launcher.
Sarge: Awaiting orders, sir!
They each fire a shot, which hits one of the fighter jets and destroys it.
Surge: That was a heck of a shot, son!
Sarge: Hot damn it feels good to be back in the chain of command! Woo-hoo!
Surge: It's great to have ya on our side!
They keep firing rockets. The other jets start firing at them and they are forced to retreat into the base. TEMPLE and TUCKER are there.
Temple: We need to spread out! We're jammed like sardines in here!
Tucker: Lopez! Pasta robot! Draw their fire off the left flank!
Lopez: Sí. [Yes.]
Lorenzo: Sì. [Yes.]
Lopez: Vamanos. [Let's go.]
Lorenzo: An diamo. [Let's go.]
Tucker: Donut! Pink man!
Cronut: Ooh, technically it's reddish white!
Tucker: Don't care! Get to the roof! We need you to avert their fire!
DONUT gets on the roof. CRONUT joins him.
Donut: Looks like we've got quite the sticky mess on our hands!
Cronut: Let's blow our tops together after a short countdown!
Donut: I'm wide open to that idea, but where should we count down from?
Cronut: Ten! No, five! Or, let's make it a quickie!
Donut: I can get behind that!
A fighter jet sneaks up on them and fires a shot, sending them flying.
Dylan: What in God's name are you doing?
Jax: Ah, I'm practicing my Wilhelm scream! Y'know, in case I get thrown by an explosion like them!
Dylan: Your what?
Jax: Wilhelm scream. "Augh!" You know, the one from every movie!
Dylan: This isn't a movie! They could be injured!
Jax: Ah, yeah. What was I thinking? We should definitely just add it in post.
SARGE and SURGE keep firing rockets at one of the jets, managing to destroy it. Another one takes its place, and they retreat.
Simmons: That's the last of the AA!
Gene: We triple checked!
Temple: Two left. Dibs on one. Got any bright ideas for the other?
Tucker: I'm sure I'll think of something...
He draws his sword.
TEMPLE emerges from the base and starts firing sniper shots at the jets. One shot misses. He fires another and it misses.
Another missed shot as the jet flies towards him. And another. He keeps firing.
Temple: Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!
One shot lands, and he manages to kill the pilot, sending the ship crashing. The other jet approaches the base.
TUCKER leaps from the top of the base into the air, landing on the ship and flinging the pilot out of the cockpit before landing on the ground as the jet crashes right behind him in an epic explosion.
The two teams meet in the canyon.
Temple: Casualty report.
Jax: Well, the pink dudes got blown up!
DONUT and CRONUT approach the group.
Donut: We're okay!
Cronut: My daylily patch cushioned our fall!
Surge: Both robots have been dismembered, sirs!
Lopez: [Damn, this sucks.]
Lorenzo: [This sucks, damn.]
Temple: Gather the parts, but do it quick, we're leaving! You all can come with or not, but the UNSC will be sending reinforcements any minute. The surface is no longer safe.
Dylan: Why do you keep saying surface?
We cut to an underwater lair.
Temple: Welcome home, my friends. While we're here, we're safe.
CABOOSE looks around in awe. As he names things he inexplicably teleports in front of them in several rapid cuts.
Caboose: (gasps) This place is awesome! There are fishes! Dripping water! Swimming pools! Great machine!
TEMPLE runs before the machine.
Temple: Woah-woah-woah-woah, uh, this area is off-limits. We wouldn't want anyone getting hurt, after all.
Dylan: What is this thing?
Temple: That's...how we stay hidden. It's a sorta cloaking device. Now, why don't you make yourselves at home? I do hope that you'll be our guests in the mess hall this evening for dinner. (slowly) We've having fish...
Everyone stares in his direction as he leaves. They start following him. BUCKY and TUCKER stay behind.
Bucky: Yo, Tucker! Just wondering, you got a thing going on with that reporter chick?
Tucker: Who, Dylan? No dude!
Bucky: Sweet! Don't know if you've noticed, but it's a bit of a sausage party around here.
Tucker: (amused) Oh, I know all about sausage parties! Uh, wait, that came out wrong.
Bucky: Sure it did. Boom-chicka-wah-wah!
He leaves. TUCKER stares in his direction.
Tucker: This is officially fucking weird.
The machine behind him mysteriously shuts off.
- The episode title is a reference to the 1964 film A Fistful of Dollars.
- Lopez has been decapitated once again and so has his counterpart Lorenzo.
- The gag of Church repeatedly missing with his sniper rifle is repeated in this episode, this time with Temple.
- It appears that Temple is more skilled with a sniper rifle than Church was, as he eventually managed to hit and disable the bomber, albeit after a number of missed shots.
- The gag of seemingly killing Donut only for him to later reappear unharmed is repeated in this episode, along with his counterpart Cronut.
- Temple mentions that the peace talks between Chorus and the UNSC were successful. Whether this is true or a lie, however, has yet to be revealed.
- Bucky's statement about the team being a sausage party refers to the male dominant cast of the Reds and Blues, and the series overall.
- According to Simmons, Grif is a large part pygmy sloth.
- The UNSC pilots are voiced by Ethan Ruby, Ela Darling, Sean Murphy, and Chris Olivia.
- This episode marks the first use of the Wasp aircraft in Red vs Blue.
- Simmons stated insultingly that the amount of children Tucker sired on Chorus after he activated the Temple of Procreation was enough to fill a whole elementary school.