A Message to the Science Community

A Message to the Science Community was a Red vs Blue PSA created relating to NASA's Mars rover.thumb|300px|right

Transcript
(title sequence)

(fade to ''Simmons standing alone in Blood Gulch. A photograph of a planetary rover can be seen moving behind him, accompanied by a mechanical whirring noise.) ''

Simmons: Hi. I'm private Dick Simmons, from the popular web series, Red Vs. Blue. But you know, I'm not here today-

Tucker: STOP IT!

(Simmons looks to the right)

Tucker: I CAN'T TAKE IT!

(Tucker is standing next to Simmons. Another rover can be seen in the background.)

Tucker: Look, we don't have time for introductions today. We've got a problem.

(Simmons turns to the camera)

Simmons: Yeah, we need someone on Earth to get a message to the engineers at NASA.

Tucker: Or as we like to call them, "The most voyeuristic nerds in the universe."

Simmons: We know that our little canyon may seem interesting from a million miles away, but it's REALLY not worth all the effort you're putting into sending all these rovers up here.

Tucker: One was bad enough, but now there's like fourteen of these things up here. Hey, if you guys wanna know what's going on up here, I've got a crazy idea. Why don't you try calling us? PICK UP A PHONE. We're here ALL DAY.

Simmons: Yeah, if you want some pictures of some rocks, or some jars of dirt, just let us know, and we'll be happy to send it to you.

(The camera cuts to show that Church has joined the two. Yet another rover rolls by in the foreground.)

Church: You guys aren't kidding. The other day I'm taking a nap; one of these things rolls up and drills a hole in my right buttcheek; starts taking pictures. That's not too cool!

Tucker: Now Donut think's he's some sort of celebrity camwhore because one of these rovers keeps posting pictures on the internet. He's got 46-year-old married dudes e-mailing him all day long. (Tucker continues in a mocking voice) "What's your phone number?" "What are you wearing?" "Gonna come over after work?" "My wife doesn't get me, only you get me."

(Donut is seen to Simmons's left)

Donut: For those of you who are interested, my Amazon wishlist URL is: www

Church: (interrupting) Jesus, would you just shut up?

Simmons: At least Grif figured out how to turn them into skateboards.

(Grif zips past the camera, and Donut, Simmons, and Tucker turn as he goes past.)

Grif: Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Simmons: Hey, Sarge says you're supposed to wear a helmet!

Grif: (offscreen) I'm gonna build a ramp, who wants to help?

Shiela: (offscreen) Help. Leave me alone!

(everyone turns around)

Church: Ay-way, homes! [needs checking] Get away from our tank!

(Shiela is shown to be confronted by two rovers, and is looking back and forth at them.)

Rover 1: Hey, baby. Do those tank treads go all the way up?

Shiela: Get these dorks away from me!

(the sound of a camera is heard)

Rover 1: Wow. You are so photogenic. Are you a model or famous actress?

Shiela: Caboose, help me.

(Caboose is shown faced with a robotic claw arm)

Caboose: This one has a really big pinchy-thing.

Rover 2: That's right. Fear the claw, bitch.

(cut to Simmons, alone in shot again, with a rover behind him)

Simmons: So please, for the love of God, stop sending these things. Trust us: there's NOTHING going on up here.

(a robotic "head" comes up into shot)

Rover 3: Fear the claw! Fear the claw!

Simmons: (angrily) Hey, get down! Don't touch the camera!

(Tucker is seen in close-up with Church behind him as the sound of a satellite datafeed is heard starting.)

Tucker: Ah, crap, they're transmitting pictures again!

Church: (hysterically) Just shut up! Make 'em stop, MAKE 'EM STOP! SHUT UP! SHUT UUUP!

(screen fades to black)

Shiela: Hey, watch the hand, buddy.

(Hawaiian-style music starts up to a photo montage, with each photo accompanied by the sound of a camera shutter. The photos show Caboose wearing a floral-print shirt over his armor with the caption, "Wish You Were Here!"; a napping Church about to have his buttcheek drilled into; a "camwhore"-like picture of Donut with the caption, "O.M.F.G. Finals suck!"; and Grif performing a handstand on the rail of a quarter-pipe with one of the rovers. As the music ends, the video fades to black.)

Trivia

 * The noise heard when the rovers are transmitting is the sound made by satellite datafeeds, which is how NASA actually encrypts transmissions to and from the International Space Station, from live feeds on rocket launches, and so forth.
 * The "napping Church" in the second picture appears to be an action figure.