Number One

Fail-Safe is the third episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 9.

Project Freelancer

 * Dr. Leonard Church
 * Agent North Dakota
 * Agent South Dakota
 * "Number One" (Carolina?)

Red Team

 * Sarge
 * Simmons
 * Donut

Blue Team

 * Epsilon-Church
 * Tucker (Voice only)

Unknown

 * Several unidentified Soldiers

Synopsis
The episode begins with an unknown voice speaking with Director Church over a situation and Director Church tells him to send in Number One on the list. He does so as the scene shifts to where the last episode ended, with North and South surronded and an announcer telling them to hand over the data file. As he tells them to hand it over an unknown Freelancer, Number One, attacks soldeirs on the catwalk facing South. She takes the turret the announcer is on and fires it at the support beams of the other catwalks. North protects South from the falling catwalks and the Freelancer kills more soldiers with the turret. She jumps down to North and South and the 3 procede to kill several soldiers. While this is going on two soldiers get into an argument over a rifle despite there being a pile of rifles next to them. South ends this argument by kicking one into the other causing both to fall off the platform. The announcer gets back on his turret and aims at South. North seeing this jumps in the way and takes a few bullets in the chest. Number One sees this and fires a grappling hook at the turret turning it down and causing it to knock down the catwalk it is standing on sending it, the announcer, and several soldiers to plummet to their deaths. As South drags North to an edge to get him out of the battle she calls for the evac stating they have injured. Carolina comes and drags the two over the edge. A dramatic moment occurs with the soldiers gathering around the edge only for a pelican to come up with North, South, and Number One on the roof. Number One goes down into the Pelican telling the pilot shes late to which the Pilot sarcastically remarks "take it out of my tip." As the Pelican flys away they detonate the facility causing the entire thing to explode. The scene shifts back to Blood Gulch and the Reds are continuing to fire at the cliff. They begin to devise a plan to sneak up on the blues when Church walks up asking to talk. The Reds debate what to do with him and Church realizes they don't know who he is yet. Sarge decides to let him talk but Donut wants to shoot him. They come to the agreement of Donut gets to wound him and one shoot will get Church five minutes to talk. Donut asks Church where he wants to be shot shoulder or foot. Church says foot but then starts to talk. Donut takes aim and shoots Church's foot. The screen goes dark with Church screaming about his foot and Donut saying his five minutes have started.

Transcript
Counselor: Situation is critical sir. Should we do something?

Director Church: Yes. Send her in.

Counselor: Roger that. Come in Number One, Number One you are green.

Director Church: Activate failsafe.

Counselor: Copy sir. Initiating beta protocol. North: Well, out of the frying pan and into the fire.
 * Scene shifts to the soldiers surronding North and South.

South: Eh, figure I could take 50 of 'em. How 'bout you?

North: How about you save your jokes until we get out of this?

South: Were the hell is extraction?! Unknown Enemy Annoucer: Attention assholes, stand down! You're surronded! Give us the data file now! You will be taken into custody! We can do this the easy way or the hard way! There is no escape so give us the damn data file! North: Get down! North: Son of a bitch.
 * Scene goes to the announcer from the end of the last episode. While he talks, the scene goes over some of the soldiers surronding North and South.
 * An unknown assailent attacks the soldiers.
 * North grabs South and shields her with his body. The two then get up and look at the unknown assailent attacking the soldiers.

South: Whats going on?

North: It's her.

South: What's she doing here? South: My turn. Unknown soldier #1: Oh my God, oh my God. Huh! Oh YES A RIFLE!
 * The unknown assailent goes out of Active Camoflage and jumps down to North and South, leaving a spinning turret to kill soldiers.
 * The unkown assailent proceds to kill soldiers on the ground. The scene goes to a soldier looking for a gun while the chaos insues behind him.

Unknown soldier #2: Uh, hey man.

Unknown Soldier #1: I'm saved!

Unknown Soldier #2: Uh, I hate to bother you but I think that's my rifle you're holding.

Unknown Soldier #1: What the hell are you talking about? Just grab any rifle! Like look, there is seriously a pile of rifles...

Unknown Soldier #2: No, that's my rifle. That's the one I sleep with every night.

Unknown Soldier #1: Are you kidding man? North: South get down! South: North! NO! Unknown Annoncer: What the? South: I got you. Move. South: Come in command. We have wounded, you need to get us out of here right now!
 * South kicks the two off the platform. As the Freelancers fight, the announcer gets back on his turret and aims it at South.
 * North pushes her out of the way and gets shot several times in the chest.
 * The unknown Freelancer fires a grapling hook at the turret.
 * The turret fires beneath him, sending him and everyone else on his catwalk to their deaths. The scene goes to South helping North walk.
 * She tosses North against the railing and North grunts.

Unknown Freelancer: Come on you two. We are leaving. Unknown Freelancer: Sorry about the mess fellas. Package is secure. Everybody onboard.
 * She tosses herself, North, and South over the edge and they land on the roof of a pelican.

Pilot: Somebody call for a ride?

Unknown Freelancer: You're late.

Pilot: Ah well, you could take it out of my tip.


 * They fly off in the pelican and the base explodes behind them. The scene then goes back to Blood Gulch, with the rockets hitting the cliff.

Donut: Nice shot. Hit them again Simmons.

Simmons: Roger.

Sarge: Did we hit 'em?

Simmons: I don't know. Hard to tell.

Donut: Missed bitches!

Simmons: Ah damnit.

Donut: I have a plan. We need to use stealth.

Simmons: Great idea.

Donut: Ok. Let's try this. Sir, you lay down some cover fire. Simmons, the two of us can sneak around their backside and slip on in.

Simmons: Ok. Just saying stealth was enough man. We don't need to expand on good ideas. Especially after other people have already agreed to them.

Sarge: Sounds good sir. I mean wait. I'm the sir. But we should do that. Make it so.

Church: Hey reds. Yo. Hold on a second. Cease fire.

Donut: Who the hell is that?

Sarge: It's one of the blue guys. He's just walkin' up here.

Donut: By himself? That guy has balls.

Simmons: Totally.

Donut: Hes going to get totally fucked.

Simmons: Ok, see? Right there. You changed the way you said it, again. Could you not do that please?

Church: Hey guys hold up. Can you hear hello?


 * Church is shot at.

Church: Fuck, what the hell? Cease fire man, it's me!

Donut: Yeah we know it's you, dipshit. Thats why we're shootin'.

Church: I just wanna talk for a second.

Simmons: Yeah, so what does that mean?

Church: You know I just wanna talk to you about... uh... somethi... oh shit. I think I fucked up. I fucked up didn't I? You guys don't know who I am.

Sarge: Maybe we should give him a chance. See what he has to say. He could provide some intel by accident. Or give us the blue perspective. I always wanted to hear that.

Donut: I wanna shoot him.

Simmons: Ok, just to be clear. I understand what you meant by that. I get that you want to shoot him with bullets.

Donut: Red hot bullets.

Simmons: Please, that's enough.

Sarge: Lets hear him out. Then we shoot him.

Donut: How about I just wound him? Then he can still talk and I get to shoot him. Thats a win-win.

Church: Not for me, I get shot.

Simmons: Ok, how about this? Donut gets to shoot you in exchange for you getting to say what you want to say.

Donut: Five minutes of talking for one shot. Where do you want it blue? The shoulder or the foot?

Church: Well, obviously I would pick the foot but I don't want you guys to shoot me.


 * Scene goes to Donut aiming and shooting his pistol. The screen starts to go black.

Church: OW! SON OF A BITCH!

Donut: Ok. Your five minutes have started. Go.

Trivia

 * The two soldiers fighting over which rifle is thiers, are Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla from Youtube's Smosh.
 * When Epsilon is shot in the foot, is a reference to Chapter 2 of the second season of Blood Gulch Chronicles, where Church shoots Caboose.
 * The chapter also refers to a recurring gag in the series, where characters sometimes only have 5 minutes to speak.