The Sarcophagus

The Sarcophagus is the fifteenth episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 9.

Project Freelancer

 * Freelancer Agent New York
 * Freelancer Agent Carolina
 * Freelancer Agent Washington
 * Freelancer Agent Maine
 * Freelancer Agent Texas
 * The Director
 * The Counselor
 * F.I.L.S.S.
 * Four Seven Niner

Insurrection

 * Red Demo Man
 * Insurrectionist Flame Soldier
 * Several soldiers

Plot
Team A successfully make it inside the Vault. Carolina tells them to be on the lookout for the Sarcophagus, and other things they could use. Maine picks up a Brute Shot to use, with Wash telling him its a good look for him. York alerts the team of an enemy patrol coming in. Wash comes over and tells Carolina he's found the markings but that its in a giant case. York tells them of an escape route being a helipad on the roof. Carolina says she'll radio for evac but wonders how they'll get a container that size to the roof. She mentions a window washer lift on the building and asks York to locate it. York, sarcastically as he is right next to it, says he'll try. Carolina loads the container onto the lift and has Maine grab onto a rope connected to it. She tells him to jump, in order to pull the lift up to the roof, and that he'll be fine. Maine says it's too high but she kicks him out the window anyway. The lift goes flying up, with Maine hurtling down. He drops past two soldiers in front of a window and one asks if he heard a noise. The other replies it was the sound of him being an idiot to which the first says "Yeah your probably right... dick-biscuit." The lift reaches the roof breaking the lift and sending the container on the roof unharmed. Maine is able to get onto a ledge safely but confronts some soldiers. York tells them the package is secure. Wash begins to grow scared for the soldiers confronting Maine, noting his size and his recently acquired Brute Shot but Carolina tells him not to worry. All of a sudden, some Insurrection soldiers break down the door. Wash and Carolina quickly deal with the soldiers with only one remaining. He makes a bold entrance prompting Wash to ask "What the fuck's up with this guy?". He then fires his flamethrower causing Wash and Carolina to take cover. They begin to open fire, however the soldier has bullet proof armor and he continues to fire at them. Wash throws a grenade at him, but it goes off in the flames. Carolina begins to fire at him again and he fires at her. The Covenant weapons on the table covering Carolina begin to overheat and explode, sending her back. Wash grabs a Fuel Rod Cannon and fires at the soldier. However the round bounces instead of exploding at the soldier's feet, causing Wash to question who would make such a gun and saying: "This is the worst gun ever. Of all time." Carolina then pushes him out of the oncoming fire and tells him to stay low. She runs along, dodging the soldier's flame, eventually jumping on to a Banshee hanging from the ceiling. She fires at the soldier to get his attention. He fires at her, causing the ropes holding the Banshee up to burn. She sticks a grenade in the Banshee causing it to explode and hit the soldier, knocking him over. A Gravity Hammer lands near Carolina and she throws it at the soldier as he was beginning to get up, killing him. Wash and Carolina go outside the room and meet up with York. They reach the roof only to discover Tex tapping with what looked like a bomb. Carolina realizes she was the one who blew up the Oil Rig back at the Bjordinal Cryogenics Research Facility and questions her. All of a sudden Insurrectionists surround them and have them drop their weapons. One has York disable the "bomb" but York reveals it to be a transmitter. The soldier asks "To transmit what?" The view changes to the Mother of Invention. F.I.L.S.S. tells the Director the target is locked and The Director orders her to fire on the building. The lead Insurrectionist soldier suddenly realizes that Carolina and Tex are gone. He begins to demand where they are and doesn't notice Carolina and Tex behind him, who had used their respective camouflage and cloaking abilities to take out the Insurrectionists. York hands the transmitter to the soldier and runs. Mother of Invention fires her MAC cannon, blowing a massive hole down the center of the building.

Tex notices a Pelican coming in and takes a jetpack from a dead soldier. She kicks the Sarcophagus off the building and jumps off herself. Still on the roof, Carolina, York, and Washington jump off it as the building caves in from behind them. They are fired upon by a Hornet but Wash takes it out. He rides the Sarcophagus during the freefall and Tex, using her jetpack, kicks it into the Pelican hatch with him. She has Four Seven Niner leave York and Carolina to take it back to Command. Carolina asks York if they should have had a fallback plan, in which he asks where Maine is. They land on his Warthog, which was speeding under them. They drive through a tunnel as the building collapses. They continue to drive, avoiding slower moving cars along the way. Inside the Pelican, Four Seven Niner tells command the package is secure. Wash tries to make small talk with Tex, until she tosses aside her jetpack and jumps out the Pelican.

Transcript
Maine, Carolina, and Washington enter the Vault, filled with Covenant weapons and Banshees.

Carolina: Alright everyone, spread out. What we need is here somewhere. It's probably something small, easy to miss. Take as many scans as possible, there may be other things we can use.

''Maine picks up a Brute Shot and growls. Washington walks up to Maine.''

Washington: That's a good look.

Cut to York on the radio talking to Carolina in a different room.

York: Carolina, Motion Trackers indicate you got an enemy team outside the door.

Cut back to Carolina in the other room with Washington and Maine.

Carolina: Well, let's hope they're not as good at picking locks as you are, York. (To Washington and Maine) Alright team, we're about to have company.

Washington: Boss, I've got good news and bad news.

Carolina: Hit me.

Washington: We found the markings we're looking for. The bad news is...They're on that.

Cut to a shot of a container with the markings that were described in Planning the Heist, revealing it to be the Sarcophagus.

Carolina: That?

York: (over radio) Team A, I got us an exit up here. Straight up the stairwell, door to the roof, helipad.

Carolina: (over radio) Copy, I'll radio air support. (to Washington and Maine) Now, how are we going to get that thing up to the roof?

Maine shrugs his shoulders and growls.

Carolina: (over radio) York, I saw a window-washer unit on our way into the facility, can you find where it attaches to the building?

Cut to York on the roof next to where the window-washer unit attaches to the building.

York: (sarcastically) I don't know, that's a tough one, 'lemme see what I can do.

Cut back to the rest of Team A

Washington: What are you up to?

Carolina: Improvising. Come 'ere Maine.

Washington: Improvising? I hate it when we do that.

Cut to the Insurrection Soldiers trying to weld through the door that leads into the Vault.

Cut back to Team A, where Carolina pushes the Sarcophagus on a lift connected to the window-washer unit.

Washington: Better hurry!

Carolina: Maine, it should work fine. You're the only one heavy enough to counter-balance this thing.

Maine: Too high.

Carolina: Oh, don't be a baby.

''Carolina kicks Maine out the window and shoots the wire holding up the window-washer platform. Maine free-falls down the building, past two Insurrection Soldiers.''

Soldier #1: Hey, did you hear that noise?

Soldier #2: Probably the sound of you being an idiot.

Soildier #1: Oh, you're probably right...dick-biscuit.

Maine lands near the bottom of the tower and the Sarcophagus launches up to the roof where York is.

York: Package is here.

Cut back to Maine at the bottom as he pulls out his newly acquired Brute Shot on some Insurrection Soldiers.

Soldier #3: Stop right there or we'll...shoot? We-we're gonna' need bigger hand-cuffs. Is-is that a knife? Rifle? Kn-knifle? Ah!

Cut back to Carolina and Washington.

Carolina: Well that oughta' buy us some time.

Washington: I almost feel bad for the people down there.

Carolina: Don't.

Washington: What? I said "almost."

''The Insurrection soldiers weld through the door and bust it open. Wash and Carolina open fire and kill all of the soldiers except for one. The large soldier walks in dramatically, holding a flamethrower.''

Washington: What the fuck is with this guy?

"This guy" fires his flamethrower and the two freelancers dive for cover.

Washington: Whoa, that's hot!

''Washington & Carolina open fire at the soldier. The soldier, however, has bullet-proof armor and is unaffected by their gunfire and grenades. As he continues is attack, Wash throws a grenade toward him. Unfortunately, the soldier fires at the grenade, causing it to explode.''

Carolina: I've got this. What The-? Ahh!

''The covenant weapons overheat and explode, sending Carolina flying back. A fuel rod cannon lands in the middle of the floor in front of Wash. He dives for it and fires it at the soldier. However, the shot bounces off the floor and misses him.''

Washington: What the hell? It bounces?! Who designs a gun that bounces? This is the worst gun ever... of all-

Carolina pushes him out of the way from the oncoming fire and they take cover.

Carolina: Stay low!

''Carolina runs across the room, hops over a table, runs up the side of the wall, and backflips, landing on a hanging banshee. She shoots the flame soldier who, in return, burns the ship's cables. Carolina tosses a grenade into the cockpit and jumps off as the burning ship explodes and knocks the flame soldier over. As he gets up, Carolina hurls a Gravity Hammer at him, killing him.''

Washington: That guy was a dick!

Carolina: Come on. Let's get moving, Wash!

Washington: That bit with the purple plane, that was just showing off.

''They run away as a "purple plane" falls from the ceiling behind them. They arrive at the roof where York is waiting.''

York: Come on, come on, hurry!

York smashes the control panel to the door, closing it shut.

York: There, that oughta hold 'em for awhile.

Soldiers immediately begin to weld through the door.

York: Okay, maybe not. Hey, where's Maine?

Wash: Downstairs, keeping our hosts occupied.

York: Man, I almost feel bad for them.

Wash: That's what I said!

Carolina: (over radio) Four- Seven Niner, this is Team Alpha! We need evac on the roof of the tower!

Four- Seven Niner: (over radio) Roger that, I'm on it.

York: Come on, it's up... here.

Carolina: You!

''Tex is seen on the rooftop, setting up an unknown device. Carolina confronts her.''

Carolina: What are you doing here? Is that a bomb? I knew it. It was you who blew up the oil platform!

Wash: That thing blew up?

Carolina: Somebody's been covering our tracks. You're on the roster too, but they hid your name. Why did they send you?

York: Hey, hate to bust up your reunion here, but we've got a problem!

Insurrectionists bust open the door.

Red Demo Man: Let's go, go, go, now! Get into position! Completely surround them!

Hornets and soldiers with jetpacks surround the area.

Red Demo Man: No one get behind me! Drop your weapons! (turns to York) You... dickhead, disarm the bomb!

York: Easy, easy. No reason to get all dramatic! Okay, let me take a crack.

Red Demo Man: Just fuckin' do it already!

York: Easy, easy, man. (picks up the "bomb") Uh... this isn't a bomb. It's a transmitter.

Red Demo Man: Alright, it's not a bomb! Wait, a transmitter? What's it transmitting?

York: Our location.

Red Demo Man: Why would it do that?

''York looks up. Cut to the Mother of Invention in orbit.''

F.I.L.S.S.: System online, Director. Awaiting your command.

Counselor: If I may Director, I think it would be wise if we-

Director: Shut up, Counselor.

Counselor: Of course, sir.

Lasers home in on the transmitter.

Red Demo Man: What the hell? There were four of them here! What the fuck is going on?!

''Carolina deactivates her camoflauge and beats the crap out of some soldiers. Tex uses her invisiblity to also take out some soldiers''

Red Demo Man: What did I say?! I said one thing! Keep them in front of me!

York: Hey man, you mind holding this for me for a sec?

York hands the transmitter to the Red Demo Man and runs off.

Red Demo Man: Whaa...

York: Thank you.

''A beeping is heard and the Red Demo Man looks up. Cut back to the Mother of Invention.''

F.I.L.S.S.: Target locked.

Director: Fire!

F.I.L.S.S.: Firing main cannon.

The "Mother of Invention" fires its MAC cannon.

Red Demo Man: Oh, son of a...

''The building gets hit by the blast, causing the Freelancers to all fly back from the explosion. The blast also creates a large gaping hole on the roof. Tex spots a Pelican in the sky. She grabs a jetpack from a dead soldier and uses it to kick the Sarcophagus off the building. She then flies off. York, Wash, & Carolina also see the Pelican hovering over them. The 3 begin to run towards the edge of the building as the hole crumbles down behind them.''

Carolina: This must be karma for kicking Maine out the window!

York: I don't wanna DO THIIIIIIISSS!!!

Washington: SON OF A BIIIIIIIITCH!!!

''The three jump off the building, with the Pelican rushing down behind them. The 3 Freelancers freefall down the building in diving position, avoiding oncoming debris and other falling soldiers. Carolina reaches for the Sarcophagus and rides on it. Pilot Four Seven Niner tries to get the Pelican in position with Carolina.''

Four Seven Niner: Runnin' up!

Carolina: Come on! Come on! Stay on target!

''Four Seven Niner opens the Pelican's back hatch and begins to slow it down. Suddenly, two Hornets appear and begin to fire at them. Carolina hops off the Sarcophagus and Washington takes her place on it. He fires his rifle at a Hornet and manages to take it down in mid-air. Tex appears, flying on her jetpack. ''

Washington: WAAAAAHHH!!

''She successfully pushes Wash & the Sarcophagus safely inside the Pelican. Tex's armor sparks blue.''

Washington: Ow.

Four Seven Niner: Hold on!

Four Seven Niner balances the Pelican and flies off.

Tex: Get the package back to Command, now!

Four Seven Niner: On it!

''Cut to York & Carolina still in freefall. They are falling closer and closer to the ground.''

York: Well, there goes our ride.

Carolina: You think maybe we should've had a fallback plan?

York: Hey, what happened to Maine?

Maine suddenly appears, rescuing the two in a Warthog.

York: Whoa!! Are we in a car?!

''The Warthog enters a tunnel. In the background, the 110 story building slowly crumbles down to the gound. The Warthog then exits the tunnel, with Maine quickly swirving through traffic, dodging oncoming cars. York is riding shotgun and Carolina is on the turret.''

''Cut back to the inside of the Pelican. Four Seven Niner is on the radio with Command.''

Four Seven Niner: Command, this is Four Seven Niner. The Sarcophagus is secure, I repeat, the Sarcophagus is secure. We are inbound. Two Agents Aboard, Team's Status Unknown.

''Pan back to Wash & Tex in the hangar. Tex's jetpack sparks.''

Washington: So, jetpacks huh?

Tex places the damaged jetpack on top of the Sarcophagus and jumps out of the Pelican.

Washington: That was interesting.

The Pelican closes its back hatch and flies away.

Trivia

 * The "Worst throw ever... of all time" gag returns in this episode. However this time, rather than talking about throws, Wash is speaking of a weapon; in this case, the Fuel Rod Gun.
 * Maine gains his iconic Brute Shot in this episode.
 * Washington calls the Banshee a "Purple Plane".
 * This is the second episode of Season 9 that includes a cameo appearance from Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla of Smosh.
 * The ODST soldier on the roof makes a reference to his previous appearance by ordering his soldiers to "Completely surround them" which he proclaimed to North and South when they were on the oil tanker.
 * Wash taking down a Hornet with a Battle Rifle is a reference to Chapter 14 of Reconstruction where he did a similar feat, though with the assistance of an Assault Rifle and a Fusion Coil.
 * The scene where F.I.L.S.S says "Target locked" and "Firing Main Cannon" is an exact reference to Sheila's saying of the two phrases in The Blood Gulch Chronicles before firing at an enemy.
 * The Flamethower Soldier is one of the six soldiers seen in Planning the Heist.
 * The "Son of a bitch" gag returns just before the MAC strikes the ODST. Like all of previous ones, the character is killed before they can finish their phrase.
 * York asking "Are we in a car?" may be a reference to Upon Further Review.
 * One of the soldiers that Maine fights after falling down the building is "e" from Microsoft.
 * The conversation between Carolina and Wash might be a reference to Halo 3: ODST. In the level Kinzingo Boulevard, after clearing out a group of enemies Mickey says "I almost felt bad for 'em. Almost." (Note: you have to have the IWHBYD Skull activated for this to work.)
 * Wash, Carolina, and York jumping off the roof of the building may have likely been inspired by a scene from Dead Fantasy, another of Monty Oum's CGI works
 * Monty Oum's inspiration for finishing off the Flame Insurrectionist came from Burnie Burns' son, J.D., when he said "Why don't you drop a plane on him?"