Why Are We Here?

Why Are We Here? is the first episode of the machinima series Red vs. Blue, which premiered on the Rooster Teeth website on April 1, 2003. It introduces the characters of Simmons, Grif, Sarge, Church, and Tucker in a boxed canyon known as "Blood Gulch".

Red Team

 * Sarge
 * Simmons
 * Grif

Blue Team

 * Church
 * Tucker

Synopsis
The episode begins with Grif and Simmons standing on top of Red Base, seemingly on sentry duty. Simmons asks Grif if he knows why they are in Blood Gulch, but Grif misinterprets the question and assumes Simmons is talking about why they exists in the universe an their purpose in it and gives a long winded answer regarding whether there is a god or not. Simmons informs Grif of the mistake and asks if Grif would like to talk about God, but Grif refuses. Meanwhile, Church and Tucker are spying on the two Reds via the scope of Church's sniper rifle. Tucker asks what the two are doing, and Church says they are just talking and that Tucker is being annoying for continually asking that question. Tucker then says he's not able to see anything because he does not have a sniper rifle, in which Church replies that he hates him. Meanwhile, back at Red base, Grif and Simmons continue their conversation, talking about finding aliens to fight, when Sarge calls them down.

Transcript
Pan up from the ground and close in on two soldiers on top of a base, one clad in maroon armor, the other in orange.

Simmons: Hey.

Grif: Yeah?

Cut to Simmons (maroon armor).

Simmons: You ever wonder why we’re here?

Cut to Grif (orange armor)

Grif: It’s one of life’s great mysteries isn’t it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don’t know, man. But it keeps me up at night.

Simmons: ...What?! I mean why are we out here, in this canyon.

Grif: Oh. Uh... yeah.

Simmons: What was all that stuff about God?

Grif: Uh...hm? Nothing.

Simmons: You wanna talk about it?

Grif: No.

Simmons: You sure?

Grif: Yeah.

Simmons: Seriously though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. No way in or out.

Grif: Mm hmm.

Simmons: The only reason that we set up a Red Base here, is because they have a Blue Base over there. And the only reason they have a Blue Base over there, is because we have a Red Base here.

Grif: Yeah. That's because we're fighting each other.

Simmons: No, no. But I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and if they would come take our base, they would have two bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoopdee-fucking-doo.

Grif: What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada and I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys.

Zoom in on two soldiers, one wielding a sniper rifle and in cobalt armor, the other standing behind him in aqua armor.

Cut to Tucker (aqua armor).

Tucker: What're they doing?

Church (cobalt armor) slowly turns around to face Tucker, lowering his rifle.

Church: (aggravated) What?

Cut to Tucker.

Tucker: I said, "What are they doing now?"

Cut back to Church, who is clearly frustrated.

Church: God damn, I‘m getting so sick of answering that question!

Cut to Tucker.

Tucker: (defensively) You have the fucking rifle, I can’t see shit. Don’t start to bitch at me because I'm not gonna just sit up here and play with my di-

Cut to Church.

Church: (interrupting) Okay, okay look.. They’re just standing there and talking, okay? That's all they're doing. That’s all they ever do, is just stand there and talk. That’s what they were doing last week, that’s what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So, five minutes from now, when you ask me, “What are they doing?” my answer's gonna be, “They’re still just talking, and they're still just standing there.”

Both fall silent.

Cut to Tucker.

Tucker: What're they talking about?

Cut to Church.

Church: You know what? I fucking hate you.

Cut to Grif and Simmons.

Grif: Talk about a waste of resources. I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life.. you know, fight them.

Simmons: Yeah, no shit. That's why they should put us in charge.

Sarge: Ladies, front and center on the double!

Simmons: Fuck.

Grif: Yes, sir!

Trivia

 * Simmons has the first line of the series.
 * The beginning scene is done again with aliens in one of the alternate endings of Episode 100.
 * This episode marks the first use of the sniper rifle joke.
 * The question of "Do you ever wonder why we're here?" has been repeated throughout the rest of the series, albeit in different tones and context. The second time involves Grif deciding to not answer the question, the third time involves Caboose asking Church if they could stand in the shade instead of the the roof of their base, the fourth time involves Sarge's speech on the purpose of why the soldiers joined the army, and the fifth time involves two Insurrectionists soldiers talking about it, until they are quickly cut off.