Reconstruction: Chapter 13

Chapter 13 of Red vs. Blue: Reconstruction aired on September 8, 2008 as the 123rd episode overall.

Synopsis
Washington and the two teams head back to Valhalla, and watch as the Red Team steals a Warthog. After an enemy Warthog gives chase and attacks them, Washington leaves to rescue the Reds. Meanwhile, Church ignores Washington's previous orders and leaves Caboose and his body in the middle of the canyon to take a look at Tex's body. Taking over a guard's body, Church walks into the base calmly. Meanwhile, the Reds manage to destroy the enemy Warthog, only to be berated by Washington, who wanted them to capture it. A Hornet then rises behind him and starts attacking the Reds. Washington escapes the Hornet and notices the Church-possessed guard heading within the base where Tex's body is and queries Caboose over the radio about the now frozen-in-place Church. Caboose blatantly lies to Washington to attempt to hide him from the truth. A skeptical Washington asks Caboose to put Church on, when suddenly an explosion causes Church's body to fall over and Caboose quickly hangs up.

Transcript
Chairman: Dear Director.

Fade in to the Reds in one Warthog being chased by another

Chairman: Our laws are not designed to outline every possible infraction that may take place! However the spirit of the law is clear. Blatant disregard for the safety and well-being of our citizens, in any form, will always be a punishable offense, regardless of how well, or by whom that offense has been justified.

The Reds are in the lead car, being fired upon

Simmons: Here they come!

Sarge: Simmons, what're you waitin' for? Shoot 'em!

Simmons: I can't, the stupid gun is jammed!

Sarge: Step on it, Grif.

Grif: Yeah, no shit!

Sarge: Whose idea was it to steal a jeep from these guys anyway?

Cut to Wash and the Blues watching

Washington: Nuhh, I knew this plan wouldn't work.

Church: We all knew this plan wouldn't work. None of our plans ever work.

Caboose: That's why we carry guns.

Washington: "We can get a car, no problem. We're better with vehicles than the Blues, let us handle this." Why did I even listen to them?

Church: I told you not to.

Washington: Yeah, well, I already stopped listening to you three bases ago.

Caboose: Well that's not very-

Washington: And I never started listening to you.

The chase continues!

Sarge: Force them in to the wall.

Grif: On it!

The pursuing car enters the base

Grif: Where'd they go!?

Sarge: Did ya lose 'em?

Grif: Looks like it.

They skid to a stop as the other car works its way through the base

Sarge: What in Sam Hell? I don't believe it.

Grif: Well Sarge, I guess you owe me an apology. Turns out I'm not such a bad driver after-

The other jeep emerges from the base right in front of them

Grif: ...all.

The other jeep's gunner turns the turret toward them, complete with dramatic gun cock

Grif: Aw come on, what the fuck!

The Blues watch the chase resume

Caboose: Aw man. That jeep has a really big gun.

Church: Don't get any ideas.

Washington: *sigh* Well I guess I'd better get down there and save them. I'm really starting to hate this part of the job.

Caboose: Well at least you're getting a lot of practice at it.

Washington: Don't patronize me.

Church: You know, if we let one or two of 'em die we could probably all squeeze in to one car. Just saying, you should think about it.

Caboose: Oh, and if enough of us die, we can fit on a motorcycle!

Church: Alright good, he's gone. Caboose, you stay here, I'll be right back.

Caboose: You're leaving?

Church: Yeah.

Church leaves his body again, making more work for the transcriber

Church: For some reason he doesn't want me to see Tex's body. I'm gonna go try to find her.

Caboose: Um... Don-, don't leave me here with your body. It stares at me, and I don't like it.

Church: You'll be fine.

Church leaves

Church's body: *humming sound*

Caboose: Stop it.

Back to the chase!

Simmons: Got it!

Grif: Great, you unjammed the gun? How 'bout you shoot 'em!?

Sarge: Grif, just get us out of this!

Grif: Hold on, I wanna try something. I think I can make this jump!

Sarge: Are you insane?

Grif: Yeah, fuck this, brakes!

They skid to a sideways stop at the edge of a cliff, which the other jeep promptly jumps off of and explodes from gunfire

Grif: Uhuh, we're really high.

Simmons: Yeah, got him!

Washington: You idiots! We needed that jeep!

Grif: Uh yeah, and we needed not to die? What's your point?

Washington: There's still six of us. Where're we gonna get another vehicle?

A gunship rises up behind Wash, and everyone turns to look at it

Washington: ...Oh.

Grif: Hey, dude? In the future, don't ask for shit.

Cut to the base, with a couple guards watching on

Guard 1: Looks like the Hornet's gonna get 'em.

Guard 2: Yeah. They blew up our jeep though. That kinda sucks.

Guard 1: And they killed two of our friends, right?

Guard 2: Oh yeah that too.

Guard 1: Still I think -

Church possesses the guard

Guard 1: Heagurgurk!

Guard 2: You okay?

Church: Me?

Guard 2: Yeah you. What was that noise?

Church: I didn't, hear any noise.

Guard 2: It sounded like-

Church: I sneezed.

Guard 2: You sneezed.

Church: Yeah, so anyway, I'm gonna go in the base now, gonna go do some patrolling in there. You know how it goes. Standard ops stuff. Okay seeya.

Guard 2: What're you talkin' about, the CO said to stay out here. Make sure no-one gets in the base.

Church: Oh it's okay. I uh, I spoke to the Sargeant. He gave me special orders.

Guard 2: Okay, yeah. Wait, you mean the Captain?

Church: Huh? Yeah right. That guy. Whatever.

Church enters the base and we return to the Reds in all kinds of deep shit

Simmons: Run!

Wash looks to the base and sees one of the guards (actually Church) enter it, and radios Caboose

Washington: Dammit. Caboose! What is Church doing?

Caboose: Oh, uh, doing? Uh why nothing Agent Washington he's just standing next to me watching you get killed by the giant spaceship.

Washington: Oh really. Can you put him on then?

Caboose: Oh, I don't think so, um, we're, we're playing a game. Uh called, who can hold still the longest. Uhm, it's a fun game we-

An explosion shakes the cliff they're on enough that Church's empty body falls over backward

Caboose: ...I'm going to have to call you back.