Radar Love

Sparks fly when Lopez and Sheila meet, but the unexpected return of a former ally changes everything.

Transcript
''red base. Simmons and Grif looking down on Sarge approaching the flipped jeep''

Grif: Is it just me, or does this jeep seem like really bad luck?

Simmons: Yeah. You know now that you mention it, it does seem like every time we get into the damn thing it breaks (Donut stands next to Simmons), or explodes, or goes crazy and tries to kill one of us!

Donut: Maybe we should try exchanging it for a few motorcycles. No wait, a big tank like the blues have. That thing never seems to have any problems at all.

cut to the blues next to Sheila, still destroyed

Church: Alright that's the deal Mister Robot. You fix our tank, we let you go free.

Caboose: (whispering to Tucker) I thought the plan was to trick him into fixing the tank and then Church will take over his body again when he is done.

Tucker: Yeah, but you don't tell the person you're tricking what's going on Caboose.

Caboose: So, if I'm the one being tricked, then you would not tell me what is really going on?!

Tucker: Why would we trick you?

Caboose: Oh, I think you know.

Lopez: Where will I go? Even my friends have tried to kill me.

Church: Okay, I'm gonna take that as a yes and let you get busy with the tank fixing.

Lopez: I have no home.

back to the reds gathered around the flipped jeep''. pan to grif on top of it looking through the sniper''

Grif: Ah crap. Hey uh, they got a guy fixing their tank.

Sarge: Impossible. Our intelligence clearly states-

Donut: We have intelligence?

Sarge: -that the only soldiers in this canyon with mechanical training are that dead freelancer and Lopez. Oh wait a minute!

Simmons: Sarge, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Lopez runs away, the jeep starts driving itself, and suddenly there's a new guy on the blue team?

Sarge: Yes Simmons I am. Quite obviously the blue team has constructed some kind of diabolical mind control ray beam, that they used on Lopez and now he has to do their evil blue bidding!

Grif: (hops off jeep) Or since he's a robot maybe they just reprogrammed him.

Donut: Or maybe that blue guy who got killed by the tank came back as a ghost and now he's possessing Lopez's body. That could also explain why Sarge went nuts when we had the prisoner. The blue ghost probably possessed him too. And the jeep going nuts was probably just a weird set of coincidences while the guy learned how to use Lopez's body. (the other reds stare awkwardly)

Simmons: I think I like the ray beam idea better.

Grif: Yeah rookie, your idea sounds a little dumb.

''cut to the blues around Sheila. Lopez is on her fixing her. Caboose is hopping up and down''

Caboose: Hurry hurry hurry, fix the tank! (stops hopping) So that I can say hello to Sheila.

O'Malley: (closeup of Caboose's visor) And start killing everyone!

Tucker: You mean all the reds right?

Caboose: Of course!

O'Malley: For starters!

Church: Come on, how much longer Lopez?

Lopez: Complete (the tank starts. Lopez steps off)

Sheila: Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank.

Caboose: Sheila! You're fixed, you're fixed!

Sheila: Hello Private Caboose. It is good to see you again. Thank you for repairing me.

Tucker: He didn't fix you. Our robot did it.

O'Malley: Don't cock block me!

Tucker: Dude, come on.

Sheila: Robot? I wasn't aware our squad was outfitted with a robot. (Lopez and Sheila slowly make eye contact with romance sound effects)

Caboose: I don't like where this is going.

Sheila: Hello there. My name is Sheila. The M808V Main Battle Tank.

Lopez: And I am Lopez, the heavy.

Sheila: Lopez, what a nice name for such a nice soldier. You have such excellent motor skills.

Caboose: Erm yes, well Lopez has to go now. He was just here to help me fix you and now he has to go away!

Tucker: Dude, this is getting weird. Church will you take your fucking body back?

Church: Roger that.

Lopez: No! Heauegerkergerk (Church takes over Lopez's body. he starts twitching)

Tucker: You okay there Church? Church, hey what's going on? Do I need to flip your switch?

Church: (reappears as a ghost again) What the-? That wasn't me. What the hell's going on here?

Tex: (possessing Lopez) Well, buenos dias cockbites. Guess who's back!