Dick Simmons

"Suck it, Blue!"

- Simmons referring to the Blue Team

Private First Class Richard "Dick" Simmons is the level-headed, straight man of the Red Team, voiced by Gustavo Sorola. He is a compulsive sycophant towards Sarge, despite the latter's psychopathic and frequently delusional leadership. As a result, Grif frequently calls Simmons a "kiss-ass". During season 4 Simmons is shown to be very self-conscious; in Episode 70, he runs in tears back to the Blue Base when Church claims that Grif is intelligent and that Simmons is self-important. In Episode 54, he claims that he can mentally multiply any two large numbers, and gives an incorrect answer when tested, but maintains an air of confidence in doing so. He has also not used the bathroom for three years, claiming that he only uses the bathroom at home, because he is shy. According to him, 'It's going to be an eventful homecoming'. In addition, he has a developed a phobia of snakes, validated in Episode 89.

Misadventures in Blood Gulch
Simmons appears in the first episode discussing with Grif about their reasons in Blood Gulch, and then called down to name the new jeep, which they call the Warthog. When Donut arrives, both Simmons and Grif send him off on a fool's errand to get elbow grease and headlight fluid. Later, he and Grif come to save Donut with the Warthog, and pin Church and Tucker behind a rock. They then leave the jeep to find another way to get them, but are attacked by Caboose and Sheila and are forced to retreat back to their base. When Sheila attacks Red Base, the Reds are saved by Sarge's air strike. During Tex's first attack on Red Base, he faints, but he later wakes up, reports Donut's serious injury, and guards Tex who is then a prisoner. During Church's rescue, he is knocked out by a possessed Sarge. When Donut returns, healed, pink-clad, and bearing Lopez's new voice chip, he warns Sarge to be careful when installing it, only to be ignored, and ending with Lopez speaking Spanish. As Tex launches her second attack on the Reds with Sheila, he and Sarge go to fight them off with the Warthog, only to be defeated moments later.

Cyborg Body
In Season 2, Simmons and the Reds attack the Blues and take Doc as their hostage. Later, after problems with Doc and failing to return him the the Blues, Simmons is the first one to speculate that Lopez has been reprogrammed to help the Blue team after seeing a blue repair the tank. Sarge comes to the conclusion that someone should volunteer to turn into a cyborg to even the odds. That someone must be so loyal that they would never betray the team and have the capabilities to repair things; making Simmons the perfect candidate.

Simmons' new robotic body was created by Sarge, using some spare parts from a fax machine, resulting in all faxes to come through Simmons' ass. His robotic body also leads him to occasionally shoot himself in the foot and be based on a Freon-cooling system. For a while, Sarge calls him "Simmons 2.0", but, in season 4, Sarge reverts to calling him just "Simmons" again.



After the operation, Simmons remaining organs — except for his spleen, are transplanted to Grif in order to save his life after he is run over by Sheila, but it is unknown why, since Sarge claims to hate Grif (though most likely to have a legitimate reason to make Simmons a cyborg). Later the Reds make a trade of two robots to save Donut, but are confused when seeing Lopez and Shelia on their own team and then being attacked by O'Malley. The Reds and Blues are then forced to work together to fight O'Malley off. The two teams follow O'Malley into the teleporter, but with the teleporter malfunctioning, each character is seperated, sending Simmons (alone) into the Teleporter Nexus.

In the Future
In Season 3, Simmons attempts to reunite the teams, finding Sarge and Caboose first. After rescuing them, Simmons shows hatred toward Caboose after taking the attention of Sarge, but things get worse when Caboose activates the bomb inside Church. After reuniting all the teammates, Simmons, at the time, seems to lead everyone (except Tex) against O'Malley, and comes up with a plan to stop him. He opens a portal to Battle Creek and has the Grunts attack O'Malley; but the rest of the team are too late to destroy the bomb inside Church. After the bomb goes off, everyone (except Church) is sent into the future. Later, after obtaining radio contact from Tex, the two teams attack and defeat O'Malley. Later after the Reds get a distress signal from a "surviving red team", they follow it to the location to help them. In The Storm, the Red Team realizes that the distress signal has led them back to Blood Gulch, in which Simmons says "Well this sucks.".

Demotion


In Season 4, Simmons runs afoul of Sarge's fickle nature: When he insists that Sheila is still roaming the gulch, Sarge declares him insane and demotes him. Having lost his purpose in life, Simmons suffers a breakdown, exiles himself from the Red Team, paints his armor mostly blue, and, assisted by Sheila, begins to wage a one-man war against his former team-mates.

Before joining the Blue Team, Shelia tries to remember who the Blues were fighting and discovering his life is in danger tries to make a (terrible) lie. While on the Blue Team, Simmons starts noticing strange things have changed since they arrive, such as the bases having upgrades and more room when no one has been their since they left, making him question what has happened.



Simmons actually succeeds in "capturing" Grif, forcing Sarge and Donut to launch a rescue operation. But the two are foiled by Church, who suddenly returns to Blood Gulch. Although Simmons attempts to hide his true identity from Church, the latter privately reveals to Sheila that he has recognized Simmons all along. After apparently hearing Church's conversation with Vic Jr., Simmons returns to the Red Base to relay information. With the rest of the Reds reluctant to accept him back, Simmons changes into maroon armor. Nevertheless, after a quick trial, Sarge imposes a hefty fine for treason and insubordination, to be split between himself and Grif. Going forward, Sarge frequently called Simmons a traitor until Season 5, when Simmons went back to his normal role. Sarge seems to like Simmons even more, even saying that Simmons burying Sarge alive was a multi-layered tactic and that his treasonous insurrections hold the unit together.

After rejoining the Red team, they find Lopez and have a message from command. When this message reveals no real information, Simmons and the reds are suddenly attacked by Church and Shelia, which Church explains every thing bad happening at their base, with only the Reds wondering about how Tucker is pregnant. The Blues retreat after Caboose reports on what just happened. Donut decides to see the baby after hearing that it was born, but is then crushed by a ship.

Red Team Takeover
At the start of Season 5, Simmons is concerned about trying to get the ship off of Donut, pointing out the best ways to do so, but Sarge ignores these ideas. When it is revealed that it is Grif's sister was in the ship, she states that she is their to replace their dead commander (really the blue), so he convinces Sarge that he is dead to become the new red leader. Yet, when it is revealed that Sister is on the Blue's team, Simmons realizes that now he and Grif need to go rescue their missing teammates from underground. Once they get underground, Simmons and Grif are drugged. When Simmons comes to, Grif is gone but then Sarge and Dount find him after Sarge realizes that Grif has his shotgun.



While underground, the Reds try to make contact with Vic Jr., but Simmons starts hearing an echo in a section of the caves and discovers that Vic Jr. was there, communicating with Sarge, and then runs away, making Simmons believe that he has been lying. Once after getting back to the surface the Reds take the Blue Base but then come to save the Blues from the Wyomings. In the final episode, Simmons was possessed by O'Malley and when threatening to kill Sarge reveals that he'll take over the universe with an iron fist. But after the A.I. leaves Simmons mind, Simmons becomes normal again and figures out how to blow up the ship (if Church's plan fails) by using Andy. After the battle and witnessing the explosion, Simmons is last seen with Grif spying on the Blues, happy that things are back to normal, but then they go back to base to see the new motorcycles.

New Adventures
After the events of The Blood Gulch Chronicles, Simmons, along with Grif, is transferred to a different base, with Grif being promoted to staff sergeant. Grif brings all of his typical laziness and incompetence to the role and the two soon face a firing squad for selling their ammo to the Blue Team (precisely what Simmons did to deserve this is unknown, though he might have taken part in selling their ammo to the Blues with Grif.). Sarge, on a mission to stop Washington, rescues them, and the three attack Wash and the Blues. An attack by the Meta forces them to team up, and Simmons and the other Reds assist Wash and Church in infiltrating the Freelancer Base. Here his insecure side surfaces again after Sarge praises Caboose for being willing to sacrifice himself for Church. A bitter Simmons threatens to kill the hapless Blue on several occasions after this. When Wash and Church are presumably killed in the base's explosion, the Reds and Caboose escape, and are awarded a base at Valhalla as a result.

Stationed at Valhalla
In Recreation, Simmons slowly realizes that Sarge doesn't give him the respect that he thought he once had and becomes more unwilling to follow Sarge's orders, causing the roles of Simmons and Grif to switch, surprising the entire Red Team.



Later, when Sarge and Grif leave to help Caboose in finding Tucker, he seems to take charge of the remaining Reds and tries to blow up the Blue Base, but is slowed down when he accidentally insults Lopez for being a robot and later a Mexican when trying to apologize. He is again slowed down when he learns from Donut that Caboose still has the Epsilon AI. When he tries to finish his goal of blowing up the Blue Base, he finds Donut in the Blue Base meeting the Meta, then runs for his life to the Red Base. After a continuous battle with the Meta, the Red team tries to get to safety as Simmons, Donut, and Lopez make a suicide run to find the Meta's vehicle. When he finds the vehicle (by running into it as it is cloaked), they realize that it no longer functions. As a last attempt of saving the Red Team, Simmons tries to use the vehicle's machine gun turret to destroy the Meta, unfortunately it can't move due to the Warthog not functioning. Washington then appears, seemingly to save the Red's, but reveals that he is working with the Meta and demands to have the Epsilon unit. The Red's, still confused, don't give an answer, making Washington shoot Lopez in the head and then Donut in the stomach, leaving Simmons alive. He then calls to Donut, hoping that he is alive.

Prisoner
In Revelation, Simmons is forced to call for a medical officer (Doc) and reveals that Donut is dead. Before Washington and the Meta appear, he says he is sorry of putting Doc in the middle of the problem, wishing it wasn't him who was sent. When Doc wakes up Simmons explains most of what has happened and forced to trick Sarge to comeback to Vahalla, but (accidentally) explains what has happened in a secret message. When the remaining Reds return, Simmons comes up with the idea of saving both him and Doc by overloading Docs' medical equipment to release a blast that could "reset" the Meta's systems, but when they get a chance to do it both are too scared, then a large explosion is heard (where Washington was fighting the Reds), making the Meta decide to kill them.



However, Doc shoots the Meta with the blast causing the Meta to reset it's time control setting affecting itself just as Simmons predicted. Doc seems happy of himself, however Simmons states that the Meta is still a threat since he's moving at the same strength and speed, just that time is distorted at the moment; Doc refuses this fact and when the Meta touches Doc, he is thrown into a wall. Simmons decides to help him before leaving due to the fact that the Meta was nearly done "recharging" and jumps onto the Warthog, but unsuccessfully gets onto the gun turret and is dragged by the Warthog, before being destroyed by the Meta.

Escape to the Desert
The Reds and Epsilon return, as Simmons is last seen trying to fix Epsilon's systems before it is kicked away by Grif. Then, Grif tells him to be be cool which he does with a gangster impression. Once the Blues show up to see that they have Epsilon, they run away so they don't get stuck on the pillar. They find Epsilon in the minefield but nobody tells Simmons that it is a minefield so he goes in to it and finds out it is a minefield. While Epsilon is talking to Caboose, Simmons says that Blue Team has more stuff going on, all that ever happens in Red Team is food and guns. Sarge and Grif then confirm this as Grif says he hungry, and Sarge replies "Shut up or I will shoot you."

Freelancer Offsite Storage Facility
Simmons is next seen outside the Freelancer Offsite Storage Facility with Sarge and Grif. He realizes that by posing as Agents of Project Freelancer F.I.L.S.S. would give them access to the facility. He tells Sarge and Grif to create Freelancer names and making a joke gives makes himself Agent Denial only to be berated by Grif. The Reds attempt to get access but Grif calls himself Agent Pluto ruining the attempt. Sarge shoots the F.I.L.S.S. tree interface giving them access. They hear banging and go in front of a door that Caboose appears to be guarding. While they try and find out what's behind the door from Caboose, the door begins to get large dents in it from something on the other side. Caboose walks away and Sarge decides to stage an ambush but Simmons questions if they can ambush something trying to beat its way through metal plating to get to you. Tex sends the door flying and then attacks the Reds. Simmons runs with Sarge and Grif, however when he leans against a wall Tex punches through it and grabs his helmet eventually kicking the wall into him and then a metal box. While Tex continues to fight Sarge and Grif, Simmons goes to Caboose and asks for help. Caboose drops Rocket Launchers on Simmons who exclaims "Wow that actually worked perfectly. Thanks!"



Simmons meets Tucker on his way back to the fight and devises a plan with him. Simmons climbs atop another metal box while Tucker distracts Tex. However, Tucker gives away his position. When Simmons fires a rocket at Tex she throws a teleporter at it which sends the rocket flying to him and then him flying to her. Caboose tries to help by dropping a crate on Tex and Tucker, however Tex is able to pick it up and throw it at the Reds and Tucker. Tucker cuts the box in half while Simmons, along with Grif, pound on a giant metal door in order to get out. However half of the metal box does land on Simmons. Simmons then watches while Tucker and Tex fight. When Tex hits Tucker through a teleporter leading him to the Reds, Simmons tries to convince Grif and Sarge that they are hitting Tucker, not Tex.

Later Simmons tries to get a lock on Tex with the Rocket, however when he does she leads the rocket to explosives behind the four sending Simmons, along with the others, flying. He lands on the ground before Epsilon-Church fights Tex. Tex begins to just beat up Church while the Reds watch. Simmons, along with everyone else except Caboose, is sent into Armor Lock where he and the other Reds argue. Simmons believes them to be in purgatory and when hearing Church believes him to be the voice of God. Simmons along with Grif and Sarge is sent out of armor lock when they agree not to hurt Tex. He is later seen at the vote to decide whether or not to release Tex from Armor Lock with him voting not to. However Epsilon does so anyway. When Tex goes to find data files to find out who she is Sarge sends Simmons with her so he can re-add the Blues to the database. Simmons has Grif come along in order to hold papers saying that if he didn't he would make him a woman in the records. When Epsilon comes up to check on Tex and Simmons, Simmons says that, as Tex isn't constantly pounding him in the face, everything is going well. He then leaves to tell the rest of Red Team that Washington used to wet the bed.



Later while taking inventory Grif comes to see what he is doing, as he was ordered to by Sarge, and Simmons reveals he found some Armor Enhancements. He decides to hook one up on Grif and tries to give him the invisibility unit. However he ends up giving him a Speed Unit and Grif runs around the whole main Facility, eventually coming back where he started, crashing into a wall with Simmons. He later goes back to the files and discovers that the war truly is fake, upsetting Sarge. He comes out to check on Sarge who constructs a junk base. Simmons tries to cheer him up, but he can't. When Caboose comes out to tell the others that Church and Tex are in danger Sarge decides to go with him surprising Simmons. When asked if they will live he says that its unlikely and that the Armor Enhancements wouldn't work right without the A.I. During Sarge's speech he reveals that he believes Simmons would be given his own squad a thousand times over. After his speech, Simmons tells everyone he knows how to get to them: by Pelican. He stares at Grif with everyone else when Grif asks "Who the heck is going to drive that?"

Freelancer Safe House
He later comes after the defeat of Agent Tex saving Washington from The Meta along with Sarge, Grif, Tucker, and Caboose. He is sent along with the rest of Red Team to find power supplies to sustain the memory unit while Wash tries to get Tex out. However The Meta returns and continues to fight Wash. When Simmons hears it he picks up a Rocket Launcher and heads out to join the fight. He fires several rockets at the Meta before the Launcher is cut in half by the Meta's Brute Shot. He later helps Grif push the Warthog over the cliff and expresses concern when The Meta pulls Grif over with him. He wants to look over the edge however Sarge tells him not to saying it would be a big waste of time. He is happily surprised when Grif is revealed to be hanging on the Brute Shot over the edge. After being talked to by a soldier, he and the rest of Red Team begin to talk about Blue Team's new member. They then steal a Hornet to go back home.

Rescuing Epsilon
He went on the mission with the other Reds and Blues, along with Carolina, to rescue Epsilon. He was the driver of one of the extraction Warthogs, and after Grif comes in in a big entrace, where he kills two UNSC soldiers in the process, Simmons comes in slowly, listening to Boheavian music. Tucker complains that Simmons followed all of the traffic laws, despite being in a high speed chase.

Later, when Grif is arguing with Carolina about the pit stop they're taking, he mentions "taking pictures of funny street signs" to which Simmons replies "Bonner St." saying it was so close. Simmons then acknowledges his worry towards Carolina to Sarge and Grif, believing that she would betray them when they need help. After viewing more of Carolina's actions, the Reds agree on the conclusion to Simmons' theory about her and decide to abandon the mission. However, Washington convinces them to stay by stating that an ambush may be waiting for them back at their base, due to them being wanted criminals.

Back to the Desert
The Reds, Blues, and Carolina venture off to Sandtrap, where Carolina and Washington leave them to find C.T. Sometime later, the Reds make a truce with the Blues in order to talk about their concerns about Carolina. While they try to figure out how to get closer to Carolina without her knowing, Simmons asks Caboose if he could transfer Epsilon into something bigger than his previous monitor. Caboose confirms this and it is soon revealed that Simmons plans to insert him into Carolina's Mongoose. When Carolina departs with Epsilon, the group gather inside the temple. Afterwards, when Carolina returns, she informs everyone that they heading to Outpost 17-B.

Return to Valhalla
The Reds, Blues, and Carolina arrive at Valhalla, where Simmons warns Carolina about the ambush awaiting them. Confused, Carolina tells him that there is no ambush and then orders him and the Reds to stay put. However, after Grif states that he gets paid overtime (much to Simmons' shock), he leaves to the base. Sarge and Simmons then run off to find Lopez, in which they find the latter mounted on post as a scarecrow. They also discover a hut containing Donut, who happily greets them.

Upon returning to the Red base, Simmons and Grif discuss "why they are here", with Simmons coming up to the conclusion that they are here because of the Director, due to the fact that he caused them all their problems. Sarge joins them and adds that if they do kill the Director, their lives will become much worse.

Recurring Gags

 * During The Blood Gulch Chronicles, Simmons has called shotgun before Grif almost every time. Recently though, Simmons has had the misfortune of not calling shotgun in time, being constantly beaten by Grif. He nearly broke this streak in Reconstruction Chapter 9, however Grif promptly pulled rank on him and took the passenger seat for himself.
 * During The Blood Gulch Chronicles, every time Simmons is hit or knocked unconscious, he shouts where he is hurt, e.g. "Ow, the back of my head!", "The front of my face!", or "The back of my lower legs!" He even goes as far as saying "Ooh, the back of your head!" when Church knocks out Sarge before he executes Simmons for treason.
 * Also, a running gag of Simmons' dubious ethnicity begins when Grif, unable to understand Lopez' Spanish, believes Simmons can translate, due to being "of a Latino persuasion." Simmons, however, insists that he is Dutch-Irish. This is referenced a few more times before being dropped, until it is resurrected in Season 4, where Donut lists the language menu options when called by Simmons, and says "For unconfirmed Dutch-Irish, press one too, as in, also." The joke finally returns in episode 99, when the Reds (except Donut, for some reason) fight the Wyoming copies in the Warthog. As Simmons shoots at them with the chain-gun, he says "Suck it, cracker!". Wondering why he would use such a slur, Grif asks "Cracker? I thought you said you were Dutch-Irish!"
 * During The Blood Gulch Chronicles someone will say something odd then Simmons will ask if they want to talk about it. It was dropped for a while before being briefly resurrected in Recreation but reversed, Simmons said something odd and Donut asked to talk about it.
 * He claims to have been trained to use the rocket launcher but both times he has used it has missed his target and hit something else (a mongoose and himself).

Kills
Simmons has successfully killed many of the Wyomings using the Warthog's machine gun turret in Episode 99, and the same for two soldiers in Vahalla, in Chapter 13 of Reconstruction. He also helped Sarge and Grif kill the Meta.

Talents
Simmons has been shown to have some skills as a soldier, defeating some of the Wyoming clones with some degree of ease using the Warthog's turret. He also claims to be an expert at handling rocket launchers, as shown in Recreation and Revelation.

Sarge considers Simmons the Red Team's unoffical science officer, something Simmons approves of. He has keen computer skills, as he was able to control the teleporters in reuniting with everyone, and was able to hack into Project Freelancer's main computers. Simmons also seems to have knowledge of physics, sometimes quoting Einstein's Theory of Relativity and making scientific observations of situations that others, such as Grif and Sister, find incomprehensible.

Trivia

 * Dick is short for Richard, making Simmons' name Richard Simmons, a reference to the famous exercise video actor.
 * According to Points of Origin, Simmons is Dutch-Irish.
 * Sheila and Church call Simmons "tomato can," which he takes offense to.
 * As shown in "Deja View PSA" where the Reds and Blues are temporarily shown in Halo Reach's Blood Gulch map, Simmons will gain the ability to project holograms of himself through his Armor Ability. Though it is shown, and said that the holograms will become "self aware" if not deactivated within a few minutes (though it is shown to happen in a few seconds in the show).
 * Simmons is shown on the Season 4 DVD box art in his blue armor.
 * Simmons spoke both the first and last lines of The Blood Gulch Chronicles. His first line ("Hey?") asking Grif "Why they were here?" and his last line ("Fuck!") was exclaimed after Grif called shotgun on the Reds' new vehicle at the end of Episode 100.
 * Simmons might have psychological problems, due to the fact he punches mirrors when he cries, wanting Sarge to call him son, and threatening anyone he'll kill them if they some how annoy him. He also suffers from ophidophobia, the fear of snakes.
 * Simmons is one of the few smart characters of the Blood Gulch soldiers (examples: explaining Einstein Theories of Relativity, being the most logical of the Reds, able to hack into the Freelancers files, ect.), the others being Lopez, Church, and Tex.
 * Like everyone else in the series, Simmons is right handed in video game format. However, in This One Goes to Eleven of Revelation while in CGI animation, he appears to be left handed.
 * Simmons doesn't use anyone's toilet except his own, even though he's been in "the war" for nearly 3-4 years. In Simmons' own words "It's going to be a very eventful homecoming."
 * Even though Simmons is part cyborg, due to all of his organs being transferred to Grif after he got hit by Sheila, the EMP in Reconstruction finale doesn't affect him at all.