Fair Competition

 is the fourth episode of the fourth season and the sixty-first overall.

Synopsis
Simmons has completely fallen out of favor with Sarge, and in fact is now ordered by the judge — Donut wearing a judge's wig — to stand at least 200 yards (180 m) away from the rest of the Reds. As a result, Sarge begins to hold a competition to determine who will be his new right-hand man. Grif is automatically disqualified for being Grif, which puts the competition down to Donut, Lopez's old wrench, and a skull found nearby. Simmons laments the ruination of his life, and concedes to himself that maybe he did imagine seeing the tank. Sheila's voice is suddenly heard right behind him, begging to differ.

Meanwhile, back at Zanzibar, the Blues are startled to discover that Caboose has actually managed to tame the Alien, thanks to his kindness — or, more likely, that the alien found him unpalatable, and no longer wants to eat him or anything that looks like him. The Blues insult the alien while trying to understand its language, which seems to consist entirely of blarg and honk.